Seeking advice: Dating as a coparenting single mom, in a complicated relationship

[meissner]

@lightspeed2slow Yea she keeps saying our children when talking about the boyfriend. It’s crazy that he already lives with the lady and her kids after 10 months allegedly. She clearly has issues.

 

[planche]

@lightspeed2slow You are not being demanding ! Run !’nn

 

[simongrant]

@lightspeed2slow I get some of this struggle. Husband of almost 22 years passed so no co-parenting going on but that means I am the sole parent. LH passed 27 months ago approx and I have been dating someone for 7 months. I struggle with walking the line of wants, expectations and such. My son is 11 now. I want them to find a good vibe and have a relationship but I am struggling and not sure how they feel about things. We do NOT live together but it sounds like you guys do. Personally I wouldn’t want someone living with me so quickly if he is. As for parenting if he is living there then he should be a lot more involved as far as hanging out. However they are your children not his. So he has to find his groove and yours to. However the drinking and sleeping in late and such would be enough for me to say good bye

 

[oceankyrie]

@lightspeed2slow You're not being unreasonable. Run.

 

[uselogic]

@lightspeed2slow I have gone to Al-Anon to help cope with a partner who has a drinking problem. There are so many out there who have dealt with the same problems and have found a solution in Al-Anon al-anon.org

 

[stevynhydex]

@lightspeed2slow More than a parade.

 

[pattyu]

@lightspeed2slow Dump this guy, prioritize yourself and your kids.

Read “kickass single mom”!!!

 

[spnlover]

@lightspeed2slow I would leave the relationship. Personal experience with some aspects of your relationship with this man I can tell you that you are setting yourself up for unnecessary hardships. The longer you stay the worse it will become.

Ask yourself, if your daughter came up to you and explained that she was in a relationship just like yours, would you tell her to stay? I know being a single parent is hard and feeling lonely after trying so long to make it work but you deserve to be healthy and happy and someone like your current boyfriend is only going to set you back and you are showing your children that how this man treats you is how you feel and believe you deserve to be treated which in essence is you teaching them to settle for less than they deserve. You all deserve better.

 

[mitexan34]

@lightspeed2slow It sounds like you need to break-up with him, without much else thought... This is not a good situation at all, for you or your kids - sounds great for the boyfriend though! Moving in together so soon, especially so soon after a divorce is a big issue a lot of the time because you have no idea what they are truly like on the daily.

 

[ronniefm]

@lightspeed2slow He behaved inappropriately by getting drunk in front of your children. You said you prioritize them. So there is your answer. You can’t wait till something really bad happens. You know it will. And he has to move out immediately and if he really wants to quit, the only way in rehab we say is if you do it yourself bc you prioritize yourself. furthermore, even if he does go into rehab, you can’t prioritize him as you said you’re prioritizing your children so there is a long stretch of many years of help this person needs which you cannot offer and shouldn’t have to for the best of u both bc your kids come first. Say it with me. My kids come first. I will protect them and take them out of dangers way. … you will have a great life and he may come back intonyour life. But atm, he is an alcoholic who “quit” drinking bc hes being “forced” & whose to say he really did stop. Anyhows. Your kids. Your kids the kids

 

[seekingsally]

@lightspeed2slow By asking the question you already know the answer!! You want someone to co-sign your BS. Now go do what you know you have to do!!

 

[justinencio]

@lightspeed2slow Girl, please drop him!!! Don’t involve your children in that type of behavior. It will get worse if you don’t end it.

 

[hamlet7768]

@lightspeed2slow Too soon to date. I lost my fiance 3 years ago. About 6 months after he passed I started dating. Iwas lonely and looking in all the wrong places. You need to find who you are again. You were with your ex for 10 years. This new man sounds like my late fiance who was a narcissistic addict. Find you then find a man. Even though the kids are young being around someone like that isn't healthy. Good luck in whatever you choose n

 

[7101]

@lightspeed2slow His behavior is unacceptable. I was in your shoes. He never lived with me but once I realized he had a drinking problem and no intention of getting better I broke up with him.

 

[hricard1964]

@lightspeed2slow From the guy side....are you NUTS? The new guy has disaster written all over him and you're worried more about that situation than your kids. I've been on my own for four years and my sons, both 14, have met someone I was involved with once, ,and than only because they knew here before we got involved. It's okay to find something for yourself but the wellbeing of your kids has to come first, and inviting a fourth-tier character from a Felini film definitely isn't that.

 

[marekia]

@lightspeed2slow What are you doing? turf that loser out your house!

 

[nyphemhy]

@lightspeed2slow I’m not going to condemn you for starting a relationship with someone you’ve known for 8 months (eye roll). It is said that “with expectations come disappointments”. However, you can have standards. You bring a lot to the table and you can hold him to that same standard. What does he bring other than baggage and a self centered addiction problem? You don’t want that example around your kids. You don’t need a fixer upper, you need to focus on yourself and your kids. It shouldn’t be you and your kids helping him! You and your children deserve a partner that can invest in you. I think you know how to make a relationship work and your ex-husband sounds WAY better than this man. Why would want to tolerate someone who is worse?

 

[cuddlycutebaby]

@lightspeed2slow You moved to fast Into this. Your only 8 months in so I wouldn't say that I would expect him to be heavily involved with my kids yet, but since you've already moved in with him he kind of is and ignoring the kids and sleeping in drinking to late is going to set a odd example , and make your kids feel awkward.

I think u should break up. Date someone slowly and Introduce the kids to someone over a period of time and give everyone a chance to work up a relationship with each other and see how it goes.

 

[cornelia1234]

@lightspeed2slow Time to grow up. Your children’s well being comes before anyone and anything, even yourself. They didn’t ask to be here. When they are 18, then go out and date. Until then get it together. Your children are the priority! Get them away from anyone or anything that could potentially hurt them I.E your boyfriend the alcoholic.

 

[lightspeed2slow]

@nr90 This is sad and scary. He is a little bit obsessive about me too. I ended up leaving him 3 days ago. He is reaching out to friends and family and is saying he will change. I just want space.