Really having a hard time 4w2d

T

tgrills

New member
I really am struggling so bad I called out of work today. So I used inito to help time my iui this cycle and I got a bfp on 8dpo. I continued to test with inito which is NOT recommended and god it’s messed me up. My “LH” (presumably HCG) dropped today (12dpo) on it and boy has it sent me into a spiral. I tested again and it’s back up. Fine. My FRER progression looks fine, definitely darker than two days ago and the slightest shade darker today than yesterday maybe or maybe just the same. Idk I have a ton of posts out there right now showing it all.

I have betas scheduled for Thursday, and I just like can’t function I am so afraid of another loss. I don’t even know what to do with myself. I’m so stressed I feel like I can’t breathe. Really not sure how to get through this.
 
@tgrills Pregnancy after loss is so hard. I was a mess weeks 4-5 and then I got much calmer when my symptoms kicked in at 5 and a half weeks. I found not testing and trying to focus on other things the best thing to do. They don’t do betas in the UK so that wasn’t an option for me.
 
@anxiousinphx It’s so hard right? Yea I just need to stop testing. Completely. Every time in my mind I’m like “okay not testing again” within the same thought I’m like “maybe just once tomorrow to make sure” lol like what kind of crazy even is this. This seems fake. To be this mentally out of control seems fake as f***. Thanks for reaching out. Knowing I’m not the only one helps, even if it makes me sad that anyone else had to feel this too. I appreciate it 💕
 
@tgrills I’m not sure what intito is but it sounds like it measures LH not hcg? Am I right? If so - you really can’t use that to check your hcg.

I know how scary it is after loss but I would get bloodwork rather than drive yourself crazy with home tests.
 
@wael Yes it tests for LH not HCG which is why I’m an idiot for continuing to test with it lol I did this to my self 🥹😭 bloodwork is on Thursday thankfully. Thank you for reaching out it means a lot. Really struggling
 
@tgrills I say this gently and understanding of how hard it is…but stop testing with that system!! It will tell you nothing about your hcg levels
 
@wael Lololol you’re very sweet thank you for being gentle 💕. Honestly you are right I need to stop, and I won’t be doing it again. I legit called out of work today to lay on the couch and wallow… not good. Can’t afford to do this again. I don’t know if I’m even going to test again w a FRER because I just can’t take it. Betas are Thursday. Just gonna try to survive until then
 
@silverlightoftheworld I think the biggest fear there was it was reading LH but was actually measuring HCG. Which again. Is wild to even bother wasting my time and sanity on tbh lol but it could have been a combo and the LH finally dropped. Could have been a million things which is why this isn’t meant for this
 
@tgrills A test that measures LH is never going to accidentally measure HCG. That's not how tests work.

I work in a lab. To put it simply, the test strip will have LH antibodies on it. If your sample has LH, it will bind to the antibodies and that's how it makes a positive line. HCG or any other hormone will not bind to the LH antibodies to make a line.
 
@tgrills I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Pregnancy after loss is so hard. I’ve been plagued with anxiety too for the first few weeks of this pregnancy. Even when I had decent news, I kept finding more and more things to worry about. And then I realised there’s nothing I can do anyway. If it’s supposed to happen, it will happen and we’ll get through it. Testing excessively and getting more data to analyse makes my anxiety worse, I figured. I think it’s better to just wait it out. Hugs to you. 💕
 
@kpec3arrival Thank you 💕🥹 as much as I’d never ever wish this on anyone I feel a little better knowing that I’m not the only one. It’s just so hard. I just want to disappear, sink into my couch for minimum the next 8+ weeks. Probably longer. I’m really praying it’s the hormones exacerbating these feelings and it’s not just my new baseline normal for no reason. I’ve always been a really “go with the flow” kind of person and this is just so hard. I appreciate you reaching out, it’s very kind of you. And you’re right. Nothing I can do about anything rn so I just need to relax
 
@tgrills I used inito as well and I can TOTALLY understand how tempting it can be to test in early pregnancy and use the LH details as a proxy for hcg. My only reminder would be that although the LH strip can mistakenly pick up hcg it obviously isn’t perfect! Also, how diluted your urine is can also have an impact on that I’d imagine!

Point being, I totally get it but also promise you that stopping the testing will be best ❤️ultimately there’s little any of us can do at this early stage and the testing will just create unnecessary anxiety. Wishing you all the best!!
 
@saughtandfound8 You are so right and thank you so much. I did not inito test today lol and I feel so much better. Not only that but my FRER was darker than yesterdays, more so than I expected so I’m taking the win and trying to shift my focus. I also developed the worst bit of nausea around 4m that I can’t get rid of which is calming my nerves more than I could have asked for
 
@tgrills I’m so glad you stopped testing! Keep it up, you got this!!! My next piece of unsolicited advice is to also put the FRER tests away too 😅❤️ trust me, the fewer tests the less anxiety!
 
Mind you, I say all this and I can’t go 3 weeks without going to get a scan to make sure things are still going ok, so we all have our vices! 😅🤣
 
@saughtandfound8 Lmaoooo I have ONE more left. That I might save for next week if I ever even do it. Betas are tomorrow. No more need to test. Gotta try and reel myself alllll the way back in here 😅 we’re progressing tho! I worked today! 😆 the bar is low but I’ll take it as a win. I promise you my next insanity will also be scans 🥰
 
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