People who “diagnose” themselves with fertility issues before they even start trying

[sisi]

@rawralphadawg When you’re over 40, trying for a year or even 6 months is not required. The guideline is to try for a year under age 35, 6 months age 35-39, and to go immediately to the doctor at 40+. At 41 she is very likely to struggle - even an IVF cycle is only successful 13% of the time at that age. It’s not really an irrational worry situation.

 

[rawralphadawg]

@sisi My issue is the definition of “try”. Having sex once a month at random isn’t really “trying”. We see the same RE and the criteria is supposedly 12+ months of unprotected, timed sex with tracking for under 35 and 6+ months for over 35. I get that she is being seen before me because of age. My “complaint” was more with her saying she relates to my struggle when she really doesn’t.

 

[sisi]

@rawralphadawg What I was saying is that that the guideline to try for 6 months does not apply if you are over 40. The ACOG says trying is not required at all over 40 and you should go in immediately.

 

[rawralphadawg]

@sisi I was just pointing out that isn’t our RE’s policy, but I guess you seem to know better.

 

[sisi]

@rawralphadawg Just saying that she's not really gaming the system, and it really would be a waste of time for her to try for a year at 41 unless she made that decision fully aware of the odds, because time at that age is precious. I would be surprised if that was truly the standard at your RE - does that apply even to a 45-year-old, for example? At what point does it not? It just wouldn't make sense because there's a point in the human lifespan at which there's not an expectation that trying unassisted is going to give results, and the formal guidelines put that at 40 for a reason. At 41, your odds of conceiving spontaneously are comparable to someone who has been trying for a year at your age, barring some specific diagnoses. I get that your own situation sucks and is frustrating, and you have a right to all your feelings about it, but it's just not true that she "should" try for a year or six months, tracking or not, and I think you are really underestimating the odds she is facing.

 

[rawralphadawg]

@sisi My whole point was someone who hasn’t actually been “trying” (My RE and I both define trying as timed intercourse with OPK and/or BBT tracking) claiming they have been and saying they relate to what I’ve been going through.

 

[s3anreilly]

@rawralphadawg Being 40 means pretty much straight to IVF in most situations

 

[steveobf]

@manitouscott I was one of these people because of our age and also just my anxiety getting the best of me

 

[sham1234]

@manitouscott I think people just like having some sort of a label. It's weird and makes no sense.

Almost like tess holliday saying she's got anorexia lol

 

[freckle_facedgirl89]

@manitouscott We are planning to start TTC next month. Knowing my history, I wouldn’t jump to say I am infertile but I am assuming I am. I have not been diagnosed officially with PCOS (doctor isn’t sure) but bloodwork shows something is going on. I get 1-2 periods per year. Currently on CD 67 with no ovulation.

 

[rookiemethuselah]

@manitouscott Idk, I recently started TTC. But I also have an autoimmune disease that I needed a lumbar and pelvis MRI for. By chance, they found I have a bicornuate uterus. My obgyn said she wouldn’t look more into it “until I start having a bunch of miscarriages.” Until. But she said it would make it harder for me to conceive and carry to term. Because of this, we started TTC a few years earlier than we would’ve wanted. But I also don’t go around saying I’m infertile or anything. I’m in the first few months, so it may be a non-issue. But I did join TTC groups (not infertility groups) to learn more about it.

 

[shudew]

@manitouscott I can speak for the other side. As someone who knew they would have trouble before starting and before any diagnosis we are know 15months in with a blocked tube on a sonohysterogram, PCO on that @spiritualtranscendence, and thyroid antibodies. All things I had no idea about and have regular periods. Sometimes a gut feeling is right and need to be proactive in talking and processing info.

 

[s3anreilly]

@shudew It's called confirmation bias. A gut feeling is not a tool to see the future. Like 90% of the people with only a feeling like this will get pregnant (like the normal % of the population). There are also quite a lot of people who don't expect issues and end up with severe ones.

 

[egede]

@manitouscott From the time I was a teenager I thought I would have problems. And I both did and didn't (I can get pregnant, it just take time and patience). However, I think this is a huge fear of a lot of women. Is it being super aware of woman who actually have fertility issues? No. But, when it starts to take upward of a year or more it does start to feel like something is wrong with you even if it's technically a "normal" amount of time to conceive.

That said, I don't talk about pregnancy with anyone (outside of reddit) - including my pregnant sister, cousins, etc - it's just asking for added stress (like my sister who has gotten preg TWICE the first month trying - luckily she's totally chill, non braggy, NEVER ever offers advise, etc). I think people are on team get preg quick or team it takes longer then you were originally led to believe...and neither can understand the other side.

 

[katrina2017]

@manitouscott Somewhat off topic but related to some of the comments here, if you’re suspecting PCOS or other health conditions that might inhibit your ability to conceive, I recommend bringing it to your OB for testing as soon as possible. I always suspected PCOS with myself based on my cycles and had fear it would make TTC difficult for me. My fertility testing (which we did at 8 mo. because of my irregular cycles) revealed it in my ultrasound. If my OB had coded some of the tests as diagnostic for PCOS they would have been covered by my insurance but since I really only brought up the infertility I had to pay for all the tests out of pocket. The tests that revealed the PCOS that I kind of always suspected would cause me difficulty when the time came for me to TTC.

 

[paxtonn]

@manitouscott I’m guilty of this as well however I have blood work to back up the fear. The clinic has yet to set a diagnosis but based on the blood work, Dr. Google has somewhat confirmed my fear which in fact is why we are ttc as soon as possible.

 

[katrina2017]

@manitouscott I also was sort of one of these people. Basically it was always a fear in my head that I regularly talked to my husband about. My family seems to span between being unicorns (1 -3 cycles) or infertile( >4+ years with multiple rounds of IVF) without much in-between.

Edit: the fear of infertility only manifested when we didn’t conceive in the first 6 months. I never spoke to anyone but my husband about this fear.

Edit 2: I think that people that are close to those who struggle feel the pain too. And it makes us not want to encounter that experience. I remember getting told ‘Don’t ask when your brother is having kids’ it sucks for them and for those of us cheering for them. I know I have gotten a ton of downvotes but as someone who was close to a couple with infertility I felt 1/100000 of their pain. I wanted to be able to talk to my brother and sister in law. So I started researching ivi and Ivf just on the chance they would talk to me about it. And then when we didn’t conceive right away you had better bet all my research started to scare me. Not right away but it did.