People who “diagnose” themselves with fertility issues before they even start trying

[katrina2017]

@manitouscott I did this too, told people a year ago we were TTC and I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed that it hasn’t happened but I AM and I regret telling anybody

 

[manitouscott]

@katrina2017 Ugh, same here. I know it’s not actually embarrassing, but I can’t help it. Especially that one of the people that I told is now pregnant, and she didn’t mention TTC to anyone unlike idiot me

 

[katrina2017]

@manitouscott Aww I feel you, it sucks being vulnerable with people who are not in return!

 

[janu]

@saturnnights I can definitely relate to the "preparing for the worst". I by no means self diagnosed, but I did tell friends I had this sinking feeling that this would be difficult and unfortunately I was right. And I think you are correct, for me it wasn't about attention, it was more to curb expectations I think. Now with the shoe being on the other foot, I'm sure if someone spoke out loud what I did I'd have a very different reaction to it.

 

[s3anreilly]

@janu It's called confirmation bias.
I think it's also really important to chose the right audience to vent to.

 

[mashral]

@manitouscott I'm kind of that person. I'm 35 and had a tube and ovary removed years ago due to severe endometriosis. Things are a bit stacked against me. I am just trying to be realistic about needing medical intervention down the road to conceive but am optimistic that is could happen on its own. While I am not going around telling people I am infertile (because I'm not), I am trying to gather all of the info that I can so I know what to do if I get to that point.

 

[allidsystem982]

@mashral I think in your case it’s different though, because your condition was professionally diagnosed and a legitimate concern in regards to fertility. I think OP is talking more about those who don’t have any diagnosed conditions or legitimate reasons to worry about their fertility calling themselves infertile before trying/two months into trying. In your case, you’re just trying to be proactive because you’ve dealt with a condition that’s known to have an affect on fertility.

If you find yourself in need of a group to talk to, and enjoy a little dark humor, r/trollingforababy is a funny yet supportive community

 

[manitouscott]

@allidsystem982 Yes, thanks so much – that’s exactly what I meant! Endometriosis is obviously a very real and serious condition, and being proactive about your health is not the same as claiming infertility because of “a gut feeling” (or some other unfounded reason).

 

[s3anreilly]

@manitouscott @people like @maremma
Who didn't understand why it's insensitive to self diagnose with infertility before the fact or rant about their unfounded fears about it.

Infertility is other people's damn reality. While it may only be your fear.
It's like if I would be talking about a deep seated fear of cancer to an audience that includes people who actually HAVE cancer(and then give then advice how to beat cancer, because I had a weird mole, so I really know how it feels to struggle with cancer, and how I treated the mole so I didn't get cancer).

The "how to worry about infertility" post does a good job at explaining too. link
OP is venting about people that claim to have struggled (which they didn't) and then act as if they knew about what OP has, when it's not even true AND giving OP advice which is just... Idiotic.

If you have these fear take them to r/healthanxiety

 

[mariet9]

@s3anreilly Exactly. Infertility is something that people bizarrely romanticise. Imagine trying to do that with a different medical issue like cancer.... youd look like a nutter.

 

[delduco]

@mariet9 I'm sorry, I'm now going to go off on a vent that's not directed to anyone.

This is exactly why people claiming infertility rubs me up the wrong way! I'm so sick and tired of people romanticizing medical conditions like its something cute and to get you more bloody likes or upvotes. Two people, two! Went on how they had colon cancer after my husband was diagnosed. I sat with them and asked them all about their testing and have they gone to scans and doctors so I could help, they did none of that. They diagnosed themselves with cancer because they had stomach pain and hadn't even been to the doctor! and no, one had an ulcer and the other had heartburn. Are you fucking kidding me! None of this is a bloody joke.

Now we were told its 50/50 just on his side but would I dare go around claiming something that we chose not to yet look into with testing. No, this is just going to take away from actual people with actual diagnoses that need the actual support and treatment.

None of this is cute, its tone deaf and irresponsible.

That said, I do think its normal to have some worries especially after a few cycles but until one sees a doctor and has testing, one can't just make assumptions.

 

[leorock]

@manitouscott Honestly it makes me sad and angry at the same time. I have diagnosed PCOS, so I don’t get my period on my own, and to top it off I don’t ovulate on my own either so when I hear people complain about lack of fertility when they’re healthy and fine makes me sad. It’s going to cost close to a thousand dollars just to do ONE round of cycle monitoring/ovulation induction for me and that’s just to give me and my husband a chance at having a baby. It’s completely absurd that people feel like they can self diagnose anything like fertility problems when in reality there’s nothing wrong with them - they just want an excuse to be “special” and get pity/sympathy when it’s actually hard as fuck and emotionally draining to have fertility problems.

 

[psalm9one]

@manitouscott Oh man my BIL’s fiancé is 100% like this.

Got pregnant about 5 seconds after meeting each other, on the first month of NTNP, and was utterly convinced she was infertile and this was a MiRaClE bAbY. Was permanently hashtagblessed to have overcome fertility. About 3 months after giving birth to the first, she’s pregnant again. Still very hashtagblessed because, yanno, she’s infertile. Such special. Very miracle.

She’s also one of those women whose entire personality revolves around the fact that she shops at Target, she sells essential oils, and posts on social media every five seconds. Usually something she thinks is clever that your average fourth grader could tell her is bullshit. But somehow she’s convinced she’s super unique and not like other women.

Pretty sure my eyes are just conditioned to roll automatically at this point whenever I see or hear anything about her.

 

[sherri198128]

@psalm9one I'm sorry but I want to punch her in the face

 

[psalm9one]

@sherri198128 Don’t be sorry, the only real mIrAcLe here is that I haven’t. Yet.

 

[alexan12]

@psalm9one I want to downvote this because I hate it but I know it's not your fault you have to deal with that idiot.

 

[psalm9one]

@alexan12 Thankfully they live far enough away it’s rare I have to interact in person

 

[katrina2017]

@manitouscott I've seen it. It's annoying as shit.

Personally, I've experienced the opposite. I felt reasonably confident this would be easy once we started trying because of my first child almost a decade ago and no known family history of MCs, infertility etc. Oh you sweet summer child. What I've really learned is how much women don't talk about their TTC failures (this should change IMO, especially within families) and that there's a generational difference to consider. Also, conditions that were little known when my mom's generation were young existed, they just weren't being diagnosed. My Mom has been diagnosed with a host of fertility-related bullshit now in her 50s (endometriosis, cysts, fibroids etc.) All the women in my family had kids young because Boomer gen. None of them tried to have kids as late as I am, so I have no blueprint for this nor do they. How I wish that my optimism would return again.

 

[mariamelody]

@katrina2017 I couldn’t agree more! I thought it would be easy because there is no history of issues… 2.5 years down the line and all the testing done with no end in sight. Makes me wish I would have had a kid on my own when I was younger even if I hadn’t met the right person or been secure in my career. You never really know if it will be an issue, so I guess this is their method for coping with the stress. The struggle is real!

 

[katrina2017]

I knew it would be hard because of my husband’s surgical complication, but I didn’t expect he had Low Testosterone as well or that I would end up going through the diagnostic process for endometriosis after they found evidence of adenomyosis in my scan for an ovarian cyst (which also made an appearance) and because my periods are apparently not as normal as my previous OBGYN made me feel they were.

I thought I would be here but I didn’t think I’d keep going.