One and done with an easy pregnancy and easy (so far) baby?

[breanne]

I am a new mom to a 9 month old boy. He is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. He is so joyful and can communicate his needs and I just love spending every second with him. I’m fairly sure I am one and done.

I have seen a lot of posts about being one and done because of a tough pregnancy or a tough phase with your kiddo. I’m curious if there is anyone else out there who is one and done but just because. I think about it all the time. How I want to be one and done so me and my husband can be completely focused on my sweet baby and not have to split his time. How I just want to be completely present in every stage of his life.

But I also have tons of guilt. Am I doing him a disservice by not having another child? Will he resent us for making him an only child? I’m so lucky that I had an easy pregnancy and an easy baby so far. Why shouldn’t I have another? Obviously everyone in our life says we should have another so he has someone to play with. But to me that’s not a good enough reason.

Does anyone else have these thoughts? How do you silence the guilt/worry?

 

[bevlau]

@breanne I say don’t fuck up what you have now lol

 

[vlin59]

@bevlau I think this all the time lol

 

[dreamangelxx]

@breanne Same here. I had a super easy pregnancy/labor and a fairly easy 2 year old. I’m just done bc I don’t want to do the sleepless nights and we don’t want to stretch ourselves financially. My daughter is very social so I don’t worry about her be lonely. A family of three works great for us.

 

[steve007]

@dreamangelxx Finances and sleep is good enough for us too.

 

[alexis5]

@breanne Yup. My pregnancy was fairly typical, and “easy” labor & delivery, and baby so far (4.5m). But even with it being “easy,” I don’t want to do it again. I especially don’t want to do it again with a toddler.

 

[peterh99]

@alexis5

I especially don’t want to do it again with a toddler.

Yep. Plus what if a second one isn't easy like their sibling?

 

[webslave]

@alexis5 Preach! This is so me.

 

[paulita]

@breanne I firmly believe that the only good reason to have a baby/another baby is because you want to. I wanted to be a mother so I had my son. I have no desire to have another baby so I’m not going to.

 

[aboundant]

@paulita I love this so much. Sometimes I have to remind myself that’s it’s not like having a second makes you more of a mother or father.

 

[smilingamy]

@paulita This! Before I had my son all I wanted was a child and to be a mum. I would have done anything for one. After we had him that desire for any more children went away. He filled that hole for us and he was our missing puzzle piece. He’ll always be enough for us.

 

[michaellloydpinq]

@breanne We were OAD before pregnancy. And, yeah, pregnancy and infancy were easy.... But my child, who is almost 4, is now an unholy terror. If we'd had another kid before his demon era started, we'd be in for a ride. So glad we were OAD.

 

[evilbeans]

@michaellloydpinq Same here. Our son was super easy as a baby. Ages 4-10 were hell. I'm glad we had the bandwidth to devote to just him.

 

[darcywillow]

@breanne You don’t need an alibi or a dramatic reason. I think it was on this sub where I read “you can choose an easier life.” (Also, to the question of resenting you - my 8 year old regularly says, unprompted, how much she loves being an only child.)

 

[thehardenfamily]

@darcywillow Wow! I love hearing this from your daughter’s perspective, too. Special!

 

[kalala]

@breanne I was one and done before I was pregnant. My being one and done has nothing to do with my child, how easy or hard they are, and everything to do with me.

 

[musicisfun]

@breanne I always envisioned myself with 2 kids, until I actually became pregnant and for some reason the thought of one and done popped up in my head and never went away.

My pregnancy was okay, not a lot of complaints, my delivery was super fast but also perfect. Except for not being able to latch, he was the easiest and perfect baby, so no reason not to, right?

But I just can't imagine having a second one and dividing my attention over both kids. Nowadays he starts talking, walking and I enjoy spending time with him so much. I just can't imagine putting another child in the mix.

Also the days pass so fast with spending time with him, daycare, work, social activities we partake in, etc. etc. I don't want to 'start all over' again with a new baby. It might sound ignorant, but I really really enjoy the life the 3 of us have going together right now and with a newborn things will change and we would have to adapt.

Also, my baby's first year was the most perfect year, but just after his first birthday we got a healthscare. He is doing okay now, but we still visit the hospital quite often. I could never go through all the worries again with a second child as this took a big toll on mental health.

 

[musicisfun]

Also to add: I once read (here I think) 'If you win the jackpot you should leave the casino'. And I really believe that a second one will be the opposite of winning the jackpot. Cause even if it turns out to be the easiest baby ever, you still have to deal with a toddler/older child so it will never be as easy as the first when it was just you, your baby and your partner.

Sometimes I do miss the infant phase, but then my 1.5 year old will not sleep through for 2 nights in a row and I am like 'yeah I'll give the babies of my friends an extra hug, I don't want to do this again with a baby of my own.'

 

[ty_ty13]

@breanne That’s how I felt when mine was under a year! She was also pretty easy as a baby, slept through the night early. HOWEVER now as an 18 month old she is definitely more challenging/exhausting! I’m not 100% OAD, maybe 90%, but just taking my time to decide. It’s hard because i feel like I want to have the “right” decision made already, but just going with the flow for now IUD in place.

 

[siriusp23]

@ty_ty13 Same here. I really want to have the decision made but the fact is I don't know how future me will feel. 19 month old and IUD in place too!