Long term contraception solutions for OAD

nocalove

New member
I could do with some advice and people’s opinion on this.

My partner and I are firmly (absolutely firmly) OAD. I only ever wanted one but with the combination of my age (40 next year), a traumatic pregnancy, a difficult birth and a baby who almost died in his first week has absolutely cemented it for me. Partner and I are getting married next year and are fully committed to one another. He also totally agrees on the OAD.

I’ve been on birth control 20+ years with two breaks. I was on Evra (contraceptive patch) before and after our planned pregnancy and have just had the Mirena IUD fitted, largely for horrendous periods and lots of mid-cycle bleeding, for which they know the cause. Because of health problems, they’ve had to fit it really low down and the doctor has advised that whilst it’ll be good for my periods (it’s working!), we can’t rely on it for contraception.

I can go back on the patch but honestly, I don’t want to. I’ll have even more hormones in my body with that and the IUD and I feel so much better not being on it in terms of mood and outlook on life.

I would love my partner to get a vasectomy but he’s reluctant. He doesn’t like the idea of a medical procedure (I had an emergency c-section so I don’t think he has anything to complain about!) and feels that while he is absolutely OAD, it just feels very “final”. I get that, but equally I feel that I’ve done my time with contraception and it seems the most obvious solution.

Can anyone give any advice? Are there any other options? I believe a procedure for women does exist, but am I right in saying they’d really only do it for medical reasons rather than choice? Am in the U.K. for context.

I wanted to post here because I don’t want people trying to convince me that I’ll change my mind re OAD. If I became pregnant again, I would choose to have an abortion, so having a reliable form of contraceptive is very important.

EDIT - bit of an update. He’s done some research today in his own time and is much more keen. We’ve pencilled in another conversation early next month but his plan is to make a doctor’s appointment then. Thanks for all of your advice and perspectives!
 
@therese1234 Also same. I feel grateful for his response, but ultimately it's just him doing his share of the contraceptive legwork after I put my time in.
 
@insureman23 Vasectomies are often but not always reversible. And they, like any other procedure (especially dealing with genitals) can have long-term side effects. That in addition to the fact that often times people change their minds, it’s not as simple as “I took a pill for 20 years you should get this done you owe me.”

You get sent home the same day for an abortion but that also isn’t just “a simple medical procedure” because there’s a lot more physically and emotionally for people to deal with.
 
@nocalove I loved having my vasectomy done.

So freeing.

To be blunt, we fuck any time and any where without fear of more babies. Also feels great for me with no condoms and my wife doesn't have chemicals making her wonky.

It hurt slightly for half a day and my wife babied me for 2 days just to be nice. It's free with insurance usually.

Also it can be reversed.

Tell him to just get it done already.
 
@hiram208 Reversals are not a guarantee and is a bigger surgery than the vasectomy.

I had mine done recently. Had a decent amount of bruising and discomfort. 3 weeks later I'm feeling 90% normal. No regrets in having it done.
 
@nocalove Most Drs would recommend that vasectomy because it's out patient opposed to a tubal ligation that's inpatient surgery. Also, vasectomy can be reversed pretty easily considering the other options.

Sounds like more discussion is needed to figure out why he's so reluctant about something so "final" if he's really on board with no more kids and being married to you.

I'm currently pregnant, my husband is getting a vasectomy before I deliver AND I'm getting my tubes tied during my c section (if things go as planned) so we're both getting permanent birth control.

My husband is nervous to the point that I have to schedule the consultation but he'll do it. I think there's just a huge stigma about it and men's genitals have been treated like the holy grail and are precious when women's bodies are treated as incubators and are "supposed to" handle all the trauma.
 
@katrina2017 I would think his reluctance is the possible stigma attached to it - none of his friends have and I think he’d feel like he was the odd one out. I don’t think there’s any issue with him being OAD! But I sort of understand it being so final.
 
@katrina2017 I read an article awhile ago about some dudes that all got vasectomies in the same week, and they rented a hotel room together and watched March Madness for the whole week. It's weird but nice that they have such close friendships
 
@nocalove We waited until my son was 5 before my husband got the V just in case we changed our minds. Honestly he doesn't have to tell anyone he's had it done. My husband was not the first in our friend group. But it is interesting how some men react hearing that.
 
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