Long term deployment w/o family: would you do it?
- Thread starter jwesley
- Start date
germatria1128
New member
kenjisan70
New member
unclegweedoe
New member
@kenjisan70 I think you really need numbers to get the full context on whether this is worth it. Is it going from $30k to $60k? or from $120k to $240k?
If there are other jobs in reach with similar compensation and less time away, then it doesn’t seem as worth it
If there are other jobs in reach with similar compensation and less time away, then it doesn’t seem as worth it
@jwesley Personally, I would not do it, based largely on your child's age because they will forget you and even if you facetime every day, they will grow up resenting you.
I still remember being 5 and my parents preparing for a "mission trip" without me. I begged to be taken along and they said we had to pray and see if it was Gods will. I understood full well what the purpose of their trip was but it was unfathomable to me as a 5 year old that it might be "Gods will" for me to be left behind (which it turned out to be) without them. Why my parents at that specific time? Decades later, my mom was shocked to find I remembered them "putting God before their own kids" as they had been advised by their leaders that we wouldn't remember it. I do and it has always stuck with me and bred incredible resentment that they cared more about strangers than their own family.
When I was a teenager, I had almost fulltime care of my youngest brother (we were "homeschooled" and he was born at home with a midwife, while I watched); for the first two weeks after birth, I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor of my parents room to care for him during the night while my mom recovered and after that, I had him all the time, except when he needed to nurse. When he was 2, I left for a year and when I returned, he broke my heart when he shied away from giving me a hug because I was a stranger to him. A girl close to my age lived with our family around that time and a year and a half later, my mom was explaining to him that she needed to go back home because her family missed her and my brother asked "Doesnt Bella need to go home too? Wont her family miss her?" He not only didn't remember me as his pseudo-mom, he didn't even realize I was his sister ... and he was 4 or 5 by then.
Then there is your husband ... he's already said 3 months is his limit. I dont know what your relationship dynamics are but, I do work in Early Childhood Education now and I see how not onpy single parents struggle, but their kids do as well. IMO, you'd be risking your marriage as well as your relationship with your child.
I still remember being 5 and my parents preparing for a "mission trip" without me. I begged to be taken along and they said we had to pray and see if it was Gods will. I understood full well what the purpose of their trip was but it was unfathomable to me as a 5 year old that it might be "Gods will" for me to be left behind (which it turned out to be) without them. Why my parents at that specific time? Decades later, my mom was shocked to find I remembered them "putting God before their own kids" as they had been advised by their leaders that we wouldn't remember it. I do and it has always stuck with me and bred incredible resentment that they cared more about strangers than their own family.
When I was a teenager, I had almost fulltime care of my youngest brother (we were "homeschooled" and he was born at home with a midwife, while I watched); for the first two weeks after birth, I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor of my parents room to care for him during the night while my mom recovered and after that, I had him all the time, except when he needed to nurse. When he was 2, I left for a year and when I returned, he broke my heart when he shied away from giving me a hug because I was a stranger to him. A girl close to my age lived with our family around that time and a year and a half later, my mom was explaining to him that she needed to go back home because her family missed her and my brother asked "Doesnt Bella need to go home too? Wont her family miss her?" He not only didn't remember me as his pseudo-mom, he didn't even realize I was his sister ... and he was 4 or 5 by then.
Then there is your husband ... he's already said 3 months is his limit. I dont know what your relationship dynamics are but, I do work in Early Childhood Education now and I see how not onpy single parents struggle, but their kids do as well. IMO, you'd be risking your marriage as well as your relationship with your child.
dogfaceman
New member
@jwesley When you are that age, your parents are your
WORLD. When I was growing up, my mom went away on week-long business trips a few times a year and it was so painful for me as a little kid. And I loved my dad!
It’s so lonely feeling when half of the most important people in your life leave you for days at a time…. I truly can’t imagine leaving a child for weeks or months in the early years. It doesn’t matter how much extra money you would be making, there is simply no replacement for quality time.
Also, your child is far too young to understand that you are helping people not abandoning her.
It sounds cheesy but it’s true: Children spell love “T-I-M-E”
WORLD. When I was growing up, my mom went away on week-long business trips a few times a year and it was so painful for me as a little kid. And I loved my dad!
It’s so lonely feeling when half of the most important people in your life leave you for days at a time…. I truly can’t imagine leaving a child for weeks or months in the early years. It doesn’t matter how much extra money you would be making, there is simply no replacement for quality time.
Also, your child is far too young to understand that you are helping people not abandoning her.
It sounds cheesy but it’s true: Children spell love “T-I-M-E”