Long term contraception solutions for OAD

[slamdunker]

@nocalove I feel you, it’s like you wrote my own story. In the end of mine though after my emergency c-section, my husband ended up caving and got the vasectomy. He said after watching me almost die on the table that it was the “least he could do”. I would agree it was the LEAST. He nursed the “surgery” for 2 full weeks after. Love him to death but getting him to fully understand how straining additional hormones and the stress of carrying all the family planning responsibilities can be. It’s a partnership right.

With that said I’d tell you and your DH the same thing. Sex and contraception takes 2. You’ve put in 20 years now it’s his turn to make a sacrifice for his family because you are done, full stop. He doesn’t want a vasectomy, okay then wear a condom.

 

[nocalove]

@slamdunker We’re using condoms at the moment but they’re not 100% effective and I obviously don’t want to get pregnant!

 

[slamdunker]

@nocalove Dang, for us that was what ended up doing it. He would rather do the 3 days watching sports ball on the couch with frozen peas than a lifetime of wearing condoms.

 

[katrina2017]

@nocalove Nothing is 100% effective..

 

[nocalove]

@katrina2017 No, but a vasectomy is a damn sight more effective!

 

[slamdunker]

@katrina2017 Well... Abstinence... but, I was thinking the same. I definitely got pregnant while religiously taking the pill.

 

[mikejackie]

@nocalove Vasectomy. Why are so many men such incredible wimps? It’s such a minor procedure. I literally sat with my husband while he had his done: it took about 10 minutes. That’s less time than it took me to be prepped for a crash C-section. The weekend of goofing off and doing nothing, which is what the “postop rehab“ consists of, was simple and absolutely no complications. We were told by the doctor, in fact, that none of his patients who followed the instructions had any issues afterwards. I know quite a few men who got vasectomies and the only one who had any issues was the one who, I found out from his wife, decided he should go golfing the day afterwards. This is not recommended.

Seriously, having my wisdom teeth out and having a tooth extracted each took longer, were more painful, and took more recovery. It doesn’t even begin to compare to a c-section or even a tubal ligation.

It seems to me that you feel you’ve already done your fair share in this area and there could be a lot of resentment if you have to do yet more. Your reasons seem extremely strong and valid, Plus, if you live in the US, you may find it hard to get insurance to approve the IUD if you don’t need it for contraception. Meaning if you got sterilized, they might deny it being “necessary.“ (I don’t know, I’ve never used any form of hormonal birth control because it is so dangerous and has so many negative side effects.) You need to have a serious chat with him about how you feel about this, about the resentment you feel for having carried the load for this long.

DEATH Says Responsibility doesn’t just lie with the female cat

 

[lifeingrey]

@nocalove My husband got a vasectomy and we have never been happier!

 

[afterhours]

@nocalove Vasectomy 100%. My husband got one and it was no big deal. Way easier (and less final!) than a tubal ligation.

It is very normal for either or both of you to feel some hesitation about taking that step even if you're confidently OAD. Make sure he's not harboring some real doubts, but if he's just nervous about it that doesn't mean it's the wrong decision.

 

[cloudvii]

@nocalove My husband had a vasectomy, since he has had his 3 other dads in our friend group went and got theirs. He drove himself home and his only complaint was jeans weren’t very comfortable for two days.

My OB highly recommended against a tubal and IUD just did not work for me. My husband could feel the strings when we had sex, the hormones in it made me very emotional and weepy for months, and lastly it wouldn’t stay in place for me.

We would recommend the vasectomy as well so that again from the start instead of the path we initially chose.

 

[nirbido7]

@cloudvii Can I ask why your OB strongly recommended against a tubal? (There is a long back story to my question lol... but in short, I’m trying to decide if any surgery, or what kind, will be best for my needs. I don’t trust the first doctor I saw, so I’m getting a second opinion soon. So I’m just curious what yours had to say.)

 

[cloudvii]

@nirbido7 A few reasons but the biggest being I have a genetic condition that impacts my healing and clotting (I clot too easily so have increased risk for them) but also because she felt that after 2 miscarriages and two years of testing for the above referenced genetic conditions that I did not deserve that kind of treatment and in her words my husband should “man up and get the snip” he would have been same day out patient where as I would have had to stay for probably two days for monitoring.

Although this was crazy I wrote this today because I just left her office and might need a hysterectomy anyway because my adenomyosis is impacting my life and she no suspects I have bowel endometriosis so go me Since 2018 I have had two miscarriages both requiring surgery for hemorrhage and every time I get a referral to a specialty they find a new issue. I’ve since lost like 50lbs and every doctor is telling me do not gain a pound back because it has taken a lot of stress off my system. I am just overall not a very healthy person I suppose.

Edit: typo I wrote my son’s year of birth out of habit and just fixed it.

 

[nirbido7]

@cloudvii Thank you for taking the time to respond, and for sharing!

Ugh. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so many health “surprises”. If you end up doing the hysterectomy I hope it brings you some relief!

 

[11thseptember1683]

@nocalove We haven’t had our one yet, but I’ve been having this conversation with my husband. I’m obviously pro choice when it comes to what people want to do with their own bodies...

But I can’t help but feel annoyed that he would be hesitant to get a vasectomy after all that I’m going to put my body through. Maybe things will change once he actually sees it all go down.

It’s an outpatient procedure

 

[lovephotography80]

@nocalove I’m (female) getting sterilised by choice as soon as is practical, also live in the UK. My mum had it done in the 90s and it was keyhole surgery through the belly button then so I’m pretty confident it’ll be straightforward and just a bit of resting up afterwards. My husband offered to get a vasectomy but I think female sterilisation is more effective and I am 100% one and done so it seems the best option for us. I’ve never got on with hormonal contraceptives so we’ll continue using condoms in the interim.

 

[tx_mom84]

@lovephotography80 This is exactly what I did as well. That 100% has been the biggest peace of mind. And no matter what. I am OAD. It just felt like the best option. I knew this what was right for me. The surgery and recovery really weren't bad. I was in and out and had a good recovery.

 

[katrina2017]

@nocalove My husband had a vasectomy and it was really no big deal in the grand scheme of things. He was mildly uncomfortable for about a day, and that was it. Regarding finality, you have options: he can choose to freeze some sperm prior to the procedure, "just in case;" the doctor can use a method that lends better to being reversed (cutting vs. burning the vas deferens); and aspirate sperm retrieval (e.g., using a needle to get sperm cells directly from the testis) is an option, too.

The failure rate is LOW. The surgery is outpatient and under local anesthetic, so pretty darn minimal. And it leaves you with a permanent solution that could be made un-permanent in extreme circumstances. Prevents you from needing a hormonal solution, too.

 

[brokenandconfused]

@nocalove Vasectomy! Husband got his done a few weeks ago. He said the first day or two it just felt like someone was squeezing his balls. After that it just got better each day. I think hubby should bite the bullet and do this for the both of you. It's a very minimally invasive. My husband had two TINY cuts in his scrotum that were basically gone within a week or two. I would argue that hormonal birth control is way more invasive, IUDs are also incredibly invasive and can have bad outcomes just as much as a surgery. I haven't looked into female sterilization myself bc in the US it's kinda frowned upon of you're still young and have no medical issues but husband asked his urologist, they set up a consult, and scheduled the surgery. Wham Bam Thank you ma'am! Lol

 

[sandis]

@nocalove Maybe invite him to do some research on the procedure? It's really minimally invasive. Much less invasive than female sterilization (from what I can tell). There is also like no recovery time involved. It really is a.much simpler way to do it. My husband and I are currently looking for a Urologist to schedule with for him to get it done.

 

[bytehoven]

@nocalove You can get sterilised in the UK as a woman. They have that usual reluctance when you're young and childless, but I would expect they'll be OK with you.

Have you considered taking your husband to the doctor with you to talk about vasectomy/sterilisation? Because it's a lot riskier a procedure for a woman and hearing the doctor explain that might bring him round.

Personally I'd be pretty miffed if my husband expected me to get opened up again for another operation after my c-section.