Long term contraception solutions for OAD

[untilthewholeworldhears]

@becin After witnessing a friends “recovery” from a vasectomy, by OB-Gyn now thinks elective tubal ligations are barbaric. Men need to suck it up and stop asking the woman to do everything!

 

[vel]

@nocalove You can get a ten year copper IUD. But it can make your periods heavier, longer, and more painful. This could be temporary or ongoing. I am still glad I had mine but the side effects never let up like it did for my friends who had it. After my traumatic birth and emergency c section I refused to get another one placed. No more pain for me, thanks. We use a combination of cycle tracking, no PIV during fertile days, and withdrawal. I’m 43 so not worried about being super fertile.

 

[nocalove]

@vel I’m on the Mirena coil for period issues so that wouldn’t suit me!

 

[untilthewholeworldhears]

@nocalove So glad he wised up! My husband was reluctant, too. Then while I was pregnant we talked about how he could freeze his sperm as a backup if he changed his mind and a reversal failed. He kind of liked the idea of using younger sperm anyway, lol. Then I had a traumatic labor and emergency c-section. No reluctancy after that, thank goodness.

 

[katrina2017]

@nocalove Glad to hear your partner is getting the vasectomy! My husband just went through it and it was super fast and easy for him and I don't think he had to even take Tylenol after. He said he just felt pinched down there.

I have an IUD at the moment because I'm on Accutane but once I'm through that I'll probably get it out. I have the non-hormonal copper IUD, but I don't appreciate the long heavy periods.

I will say the vasectomy does have a feeling of finality to it but it actually helped with the question and anxiety of 'should we have another' and now I'm looking at all the positives of having one child.

 

[kieran]

@nocalove Vasectomy, for sure. It’s easy and quick—I think I spend an hour at my urologist’s office. I had moderate discomfort for a day or two, but nothing serious.

 

[george134679]

@nocalove Vasectomies are reversible. His turn.

 

[stanlyjohn]

@nocalove I got myself sterilized. Couldn't think of a reason not to and I have no regrets.

 

[catwith777]

@nocalove I like not having a period, so currently I have the Mirena IUD. Maybe one day he will get a vasectomy.

 

[dgrodder]

@nocalove I had my tubes removed about a year after having a baby. It’s outpatient surgery. I didn’t feel great for about a day but not a big deal at all.

 

[rootsrockreggae]

@nocalove As a counterpoint to the "obviously he should get the vasectomy because my husband did it and it was fine" posts, let me add that vasectomy is not a risk-free procedure, and in fact most doctors conceal the risks of vasectomy from patients and are usually unhelpful if things go badly.

Vasectomy causes permanent scrotal pain for about 1-2% of men which may or not be curable by getting a reversal or cutting the nerves that go to the testicles. I collect stories at /r/postvasectomypain. Most people do not know about this complication because:

• 90% of men do not get a vasectomy
• 85% of men who do get a vasectomy have no pain after the first week
• Men who end up with permanent genital pain don't talk about it
• Doctors don't want to scare men away from the procedure and they know the prospect of permanent pain in the testicles is going to cause some men to avoid vasectomy, so they either don't mention it, or act like it is no big deal.

Trust me, if you get it, it is a very big deal. Guys who get this are depressed, have decreased interest in sex, have pain with intercourse, ruminate about suicide, and in some cases end up having their testicles removed in an attempt to get rid of the pain.

 

[nirbido7]

@rootsrockreggae Sorry that happened to you.

And yes, it’s appropriate to talk about risks and it’s up to people to do their own cost/benefit analysis. There is always a chance for problems and permanent pain with ANY procedure. And even after childbirth. Spouting scary, extreme statistics just isn’t helpful though.

Edit: spelling

 

[rootsrockreggae]

@nirbido7 1-2% is not extreme statistics. That is the correct figure for long term pain after vasectomy that is severe enough to significantly impact quality of life, interfere with activities such as sex, jogging, etc.

15% of men still have pain 7 months after vasectomy. Most of those have pain that would be considered an annoyance. Over 2% of men who get a vasectomy are still taking pain killers to cope seven months later. And about 1-2% are severely damaged, still going to the doctor looking for help, and considering whether to get it reversed because the pain is so bad.

 

[nirbido7]

@rootsrockreggae I worded it wrong, I didn’t mean the statistics were extreme. It just seems like you’re on a self-fulfilling mission to point out how you’ve been wronged and now every person should most definitely be terrified of this procedure. That’s the extreme part.

I think most people appreciate honesty about risks, but there is a middle ground of sharing information without trying to cause fear.

And in this case, reading the room is also important.

This thread (and sub) is full of women who have horror stories about traumatic births, having emergency surgeries, having miscarriages, living with hormonal issues that affect quality of life, and emotional and physical pain for life. So yeah, we understand there are always risks. Your desire to make it about you isn’t gonna be well-received here.

But again, I’m sorry it happened to you.

 

[rootsrockreggae]

@nirbido7 It isn't my intention to point out how I've been wronged or to spread fear. It is my intention to correct the widespread misunderstanding that vasectomy is a safe surgery, with no complications worth taking into serious consideration. I have posted more than 870 stories authored by other men or their partners about post vasectomy pain. And I have thousands of stories left to go.

Women deserve to know about post vasectomy pain. They understand there are risks associated with female birth control options, but they usually do not understand that there are significant risks to having a vasectomy. Risks to the woman too. Being married to a frigid man is not very enjoyable. Seeing your husband have pain every day for years due to a surgery you coerced him into getting is also not enjoyable. A study a couple of years ago showed that a surprisingly high percentage of vasectomies lead to divorce due to male sexual dysfunction. That is also an underappreciated risk.

Here are some examples of women who would have liked to know about PVPS before their partner got a vasectomy:

https://www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain/wiki/partner-stories

 

[janah]

@nocalove My husband is getting a vasectomy shortly after the baby is born. He said I've taken on the burden of contraceptive duties for long enough and now it's his turn! It's also a much easier procedure than if I were to get a tubal ligation.

I'm also getting the Nexplanon hormonal arm implant at my six week postpartum checkup, but partially because it works well with my body/mind and makes my menstrual cycle lighter and easier to manage. Otherwise I would just forego that step!

I also wanted to add, if he wasn't volunteering to get the vasectomy I would sit him down and have a frank talk about him sharing the family planning responsibility. We are both OAD and I'm the one that would have to worry most about an accidental pregnancy, having to set up and go have an abortion, and having to recover from that. Not him.

 

[nocalove]

@janah I totally agree. We need to have a frank conversation, and you’re right about where the burden lies. Getting an abortion would split my heart in two but it would still be a better option than another child. I don’t think he fully understands how much contraception and worry about abortions rests on a woman’s shoulders.

 

[laiddownmylife]

@nocalove I was on birth control for over two years once my husband and I decided we were 100% OAD. I did not have a good time on the pill, and previous experience with other hormonal contraception wasn't much better. My husband had a vasectomy this year and I've been doing a lot better the longer I go without the pill. We both agree that aside from getting a tubal ligation at the time I had my c-section, the next best choice with the fewer complications for either one of us was the vasectomy.

 

[brotherkev]

@nocalove I have used the Lady-Comp and recently transitioned to the Daysy. We have had one planned pregnancy and have successfully prevented others for almost 9 years. This is a device that helps track your cycle and tells you when you are fertile and should use protection. Those days we use condoms and when I’m not fertile we don’t! I hated how I felt on birth control. All I do is take my temperature (~30 seconds) each morning and indicate when I have my period. This is the best for my body and no one has to get surgery.

 

[raffadalbo]

@nocalove I’ve had 5 mirenas. Always loved them.