Anyone in constant state of disbelief or shock that it's taking this long?
- Thread starter drobbyb
- Start date
carolinealive37
New member
@drobbyb I relate to every bit of this. Very healthy, regularly exercise, eat organic, 28 days cycles with day 14 ovulation. Going on month 10 of TTC and have not once seen a faint line or a positive. HSG and SA were normal…got on letrozole this past cycle with high hopes as well…certain signs pointed in a positive direction, but again…same result…
leejames929
New member
mygretgurl
New member
@drobbyb Hi there, i absolutely feel what you wrote, same same same here!! Especially the part of disbelief and that I tried NOT to get pregnant for so many years and were in constant avoidance while in reality it is so hard for some of us to conceive at all! Maybe it is ok or neccessary when you start becoming sexually active in a young (and probably most fertile) age, that you are very careful. But even in your 20ies you can have problems to conceive and after you hit 30 (or 40 in my case) AND consider having a child one day, you should more worry about getting pregnant thant about not getting pregnant...
English is not my first languange, so i hope everything is readable... ;-) my story: Ttc since early 2021, when I was about to turn 40. I stopped counting the cycles and some point... My husband and I where seperated for a couple of years before we got back together. And he never really wanted kids and i was unsure about my own Feelings. And I felt i wanted some more time with him alone, before getting pregnant. But i always thought that I would have a child one day. And when i finally decided that I was ready to be a mother and my partner was ok with it and i stopped birth control, I was so sure it was going to happen. I never doubted that I would become pregnant. I even feared it would happen in the first cycle and was HAPPY when id did not, because the timing would not have been so goosr.. My god, i was soooo naive...so month after month after month... Nothing happened. Not one positive test. Never, in all this time. I was so oltimistic and now i hate myself that I waited so long and that I needed so much time to decide that I want a Child at all and now it seems to be too late. We finally tried iui twice, but without success. So I wont have to high expectations. In one reddit someone wrote that it was so hard to acxept that iui did not work as it was such an intentional procedure. That is the same way like i felt. And...it did not work... My doc told me, it makes no sense at my age to try more than 3 or 4 times. And now at 43 it feels like it is the end. That there is no chance anymore. I am not religious but i felt that by having a Child it would give my existence a meaning. The circle of life thing. And i loved the idea that something of me and my husband would live on. But now it looks like none of this is going to happen. I kept so many things of my childhood thinking i could show them to my Child one day... I am so sad, so very very sad and feel like my life and existence makes no sense. One day i will die and everything will be gone. I am not suicidal or anything, dont get me wrong. I just feel so sad and empty and hopeless. Now it will be working, travelling, getting older, waiting for retirement and then death. I have no heir, no one i can give anything to. My love, my experiences, i wanted to share and give so much. Now i have to cuddle my cats and accept the fact, that chances are high i will never be a mother. I am thinking about trying at least one IVF, but i am not very hopeful. And we have to pay everything on our own and at the moment that is really a lot for us..
And I started reading and posting in the infertility reddit, which was a huge step. From only hanging around in places and chats about ttc to... Talking about infertility. I do not know if it is a good or a Bad thing that I still havent completely given up... Maybe i should. Maybe that still existent glimmer of hope is more toxic than helpful. I just wish more o
women in public would be honest about their way to conceive. Due to so many women in the media wo became mothers at 40+ I did not worry about my age. But now I learned that it is very often by egg donor or sth like that. I think society needs more transparency. All the best for you!! May I ask how old you are? Btw my partner also has absolutely nö issues. The problems seem to be only on my side.
English is not my first languange, so i hope everything is readable... ;-) my story: Ttc since early 2021, when I was about to turn 40. I stopped counting the cycles and some point... My husband and I where seperated for a couple of years before we got back together. And he never really wanted kids and i was unsure about my own Feelings. And I felt i wanted some more time with him alone, before getting pregnant. But i always thought that I would have a child one day. And when i finally decided that I was ready to be a mother and my partner was ok with it and i stopped birth control, I was so sure it was going to happen. I never doubted that I would become pregnant. I even feared it would happen in the first cycle and was HAPPY when id did not, because the timing would not have been so goosr.. My god, i was soooo naive...so month after month after month... Nothing happened. Not one positive test. Never, in all this time. I was so oltimistic and now i hate myself that I waited so long and that I needed so much time to decide that I want a Child at all and now it seems to be too late. We finally tried iui twice, but without success. So I wont have to high expectations. In one reddit someone wrote that it was so hard to acxept that iui did not work as it was such an intentional procedure. That is the same way like i felt. And...it did not work... My doc told me, it makes no sense at my age to try more than 3 or 4 times. And now at 43 it feels like it is the end. That there is no chance anymore. I am not religious but i felt that by having a Child it would give my existence a meaning. The circle of life thing. And i loved the idea that something of me and my husband would live on. But now it looks like none of this is going to happen. I kept so many things of my childhood thinking i could show them to my Child one day... I am so sad, so very very sad and feel like my life and existence makes no sense. One day i will die and everything will be gone. I am not suicidal or anything, dont get me wrong. I just feel so sad and empty and hopeless. Now it will be working, travelling, getting older, waiting for retirement and then death. I have no heir, no one i can give anything to. My love, my experiences, i wanted to share and give so much. Now i have to cuddle my cats and accept the fact, that chances are high i will never be a mother. I am thinking about trying at least one IVF, but i am not very hopeful. And we have to pay everything on our own and at the moment that is really a lot for us..
And I started reading and posting in the infertility reddit, which was a huge step. From only hanging around in places and chats about ttc to... Talking about infertility. I do not know if it is a good or a Bad thing that I still havent completely given up... Maybe i should. Maybe that still existent glimmer of hope is more toxic than helpful. I just wish more o
women in public would be honest about their way to conceive. Due to so many women in the media wo became mothers at 40+ I did not worry about my age. But now I learned that it is very often by egg donor or sth like that. I think society needs more transparency. All the best for you!! May I ask how old you are? Btw my partner also has absolutely nö issues. The problems seem to be only on my side.
sakainjapan
New member
we had a miscarriage in feb… I’m just brokenewethelamb
New member
@drobbyb Yup. Just finishing up cycle 16 as well (11dpo and I’m pretty damn sure AF is rolling into town) and then we start IVF. I really believed every month that this would be the one but I’ve never seen a positive test. I’m grateful that they haven’t been able to find anything wrong in our fertility testing but it’s so frustrating not knowing why we’re here and if even IVF can fix it. I just feel like my body is letting me down over and over again and it’s so hard to stay positive and keep believing success is possible. It feels so out of reach.
@tommyhim8 
this is my fear. That what I'm feeling now is actually nothing compared to the pain to come. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you nothing but the best and success for you.
this is my fear. That what I'm feeling now is actually nothing compared to the pain to come. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you nothing but the best and success for you.@drobbyb For me it has gotten easier emotionally because it just seems impossible I'll ever actually be pregnant and internally I've accepted the possibility of a childfree life. I cried when I got the call but moved on fairly quickly. Idk. 
the first two years TTC were the hardest for me in every way. My husband has been amazing through it all, just a stable rock. But we jumped right into FET cycle #2. It does help I have four more embryos on ice so perhaps I wasn't that distraught bc there is still some hope. There just isn't much you can do at the end of the day, either it will happen or it won't. Even with IVF so much is out of your control.
the first two years TTC were the hardest for me in every way. My husband has been amazing through it all, just a stable rock. But we jumped right into FET cycle #2. It does help I have four more embryos on ice so perhaps I wasn't that distraught bc there is still some hope. There just isn't much you can do at the end of the day, either it will happen or it won't. Even with IVF so much is out of your control.
dangilomartin
New member
@dangilomartin I didn't truly even understand what dissociating meant until I got here and I'm like, ah...yes, me.
amr7ramsey
New member
coming up on 27 this week with no bfp in sight. I’ve wished on every dandelion, at 11:11 every time, and dreamt and dreamt.olbrychtrings
New member
@drobbyb I feel this so much. I am almost at cycle 16. I’m 12 dpo with BFN and my temp is dropping so cd1 will be here any time. I am at my whits end. I have decided to take all my tracking apps off my phone and I am taking a break from tracking anything this next cycle. Mentally I need a break. 
@drobbyb I am in the same boat! After ttc for 6 almost 7 years this has been my reality. Started in 2017, I had a miscarriage November '19, a beautiful baby girl March '22, a miscarriage January '23, and then another miscarriage this past February '24. It has been such a shock that my journey to a family has been this way. My last miscarriage was horrific and I still can't believe they're gone. I can't believe I lost another one. I remember thinking "this can not be happening, not another one". I guess my take away from this has been don't wait, it's not an easy or quick journey like it's portrayed. My clock is ticking and at this rate I'll be lucky to have another before I'm 30. I want siblings for my little girl.