Is OAD becoming more common in part because parenting is harder now?

[shanrose]

@antiscientology Exactly. I'm super greatly we can visit without much hassle, but it doesn't change my day to day.

 

[theinformer]

@mikecrb I think about this all the time. The sleep rules were the hardest. We would pick my son up the moment he fell asleep anywhere but a crib or in our arms because we were so terrified of SIDS. (And because he had reflux, we couldn't really use a crib, so it was all contact all the time for a while). I remember many evenings getting home from picking up takeout and rushing to wake him up so he wouldn't sleep in his car seat, then just holding him and watching my food get cold while he cried.

Meanwhile, I didn't sleep longer than 2 hours straight for at least 2.5 months. I barely ate and I struggled to find time to even do things like brush my teeth or go out to get the mail. In retrospect it was just ABSURD to realize how much more danger we were probably putting him in by trying to take care of him without taking care of ourselves too.

 

[katrina2017]

@mikecrb Regarding her tweet, I get what she’s saying but it’s called Instacart. Technology has advanced and she needs to use it. You can always argue that something “new” makes parenting harder but that’s a revolving door. Many will argue technology and cell phones for kids are not a good thing but there are many good things about technology too. You need to adapt. Looking back at how things were isn’t going to do any good.

I think high cost of living combined with people having children later in life are definitely two major factors around here (Tri state NYC area). My husband and I had our only and only when I was 37 earlier this year and not only are we exhausted, but we’d also be stretching it thin with regards to our lifestyle if we had more kids. I had a tough pregnancy which I’m sure my age had a big factor to do with and I do not want to go through another pregnancy at my age now. (I don’t knock anyone my age or older having kids- this is just me personally and my experience). We are very happy with our little family.

 

[mmerchant]

@mikecrb Dude yes. If blankets weren’t unsafe our baby would have no trouble sleeping. She LOVES to nuzzle her soft blankets in her car seat. We put one in there and she’s out like a light

 

[olyagah]

@mikecrb Because fucking inflation.

 

[capsr123]

@mikecrb I’m not sure if parenting is necessarily harder since it’s not like kids these days are some different species, but parenting is complex and I think other factors today make it difficult like cost, work, and parent’s health.

Parents are more aware of what may be good or bad about for their kids though now, so I think that is a factor. It will be fascinating in like 20 years to hear what kids today will say about parenting and what their parents were like.

 

[katrina2017]

@mikecrb I saw a stat that said that modern day working moms spend the same amount of time with their kids as a stay at home mom did in the 50s. Kind of shocking, if true.

 

[meriman]

@mikecrb I was listening to a podcast and the host said her mom (boomer) always commented on how this younger generation makes parenting seem so hard. The host gave it thought and said something along the lines of “When I was a kid, my mom packed me up for the pool in the summer. Baloney sandwiches on white bread and red kool aid, sunscreen wasn’t a thing, and either were swim lessons. If you couldn’t swim, don’t go in the water. We’d pack into a big van with no seatbelts, etc. Parenting seems harder because it is. We know so much more now.” I had to chuckle because that was exactly my childhood.

 

[katrina2017]

@mikecrb The more we know about child psychology, the more we care about raising mentally-healthy humans, the more we realize how much time and effort parenting SHOULD take.

But too many parents dgaf. They just think "My grandparents had eleventy hundred kids, so I can too!"

Yeah, partly because they had less options in birth control, partly because they didn't know what children need to grow up mentally healthy, partly because they did what their grandparents did.

When you know better, you do better.

 

[catlover88]

@katrina2017 Exactly. I often hear older folks groveling about how we hover over our kids too much and it’s like, no, Jan, it’s no longer socially acceptable to ignore your kid for 8 hours while they sit in front of a tv or totally disappear off your radar at a very young age. We read to kids now. We play with them and talk to them like humans. We allow them to partake in team sports and extracurriculars that will help them to grow socially. Nobody gives a shit if bedsheets are ironed or whatever the f else was a more important task than parenting back in the day.

Edit: spelling

 

[yasooooo]

@simondarok I cannot imagine parenting without devices LOL

 

[tony717]

@mikecrb Oh I don’t think harder, I think different and expectations are different, for everyone.

 

[katrina2017]

@mikecrb House prices are nuts here in australia. My parents bought a house for 80k when I was a kid. Im in my 30s and now live in a far cheaper area than that house, and our house is worth 700k here. Old and small run down house.

Its part of why I wouldnt have more kids, because I cant work due to health issues so were on 1 income. Health and stress are the main reasons I wouldnt have another child. But financially, we couldnt afford it and we dont have any more room in the house. The kids would be sharing a bedroom... until they moved out. I have a boy, so if I had a girl, that wouldnt be appropriate to me.

Our neighbours moved because of having another child, they were so upset about having to leave this nicer street in a not super awesome area. The newer neighbours who bought that house are having their 2nd child and talking about extending the house. Itd cost like 100k and they just bought a new car and did expensive landscaping. They must have a gigantic mortgage. We couldnt deal with that.

 

[dustincbc]

@mikecrb Car seats. Yes, they save lives, but WHY are they so GD heavy? I wish I'd had a kid before I had to cart that monstrosity around on my elbow.

 

[stephbolding]

@mikecrb Could be that. But it could also be that it's more socially accepted to be OaD so people are now more open talking about it and actually making the choice. I'm an only child and growing up, I've been told that "They pity me because I didn't have siblings." with a bit of stink eye towards my parents. When I told them I was actually happy being an only, they just...shut down ? Like they could not fathom why.

So, yeah, maybe many couples then wanted to be OaD but felt like that would mean dodging questions and (because the narrative has been pushed) making their child lonely. So, they went on to have more kids.