I was not expecting taking care of a newborn to be so hard
@atlanta I wish anyone, just one person, told me how complex baby sleep is. My son slept decently for the first few weeks...could put him down in the bassinet for bed and naps if needed, and gave us at least 3hr stretches at night. Then he awoke to the world around 5 weeks and WOULD NOT SLEEP. He's 17 weeks now and I feel like I'm just getting a hang of how to get him to sleep independently for naps, and he's finally sleeping through the night with just one wake for the most part. Not one single person told me you have to actually teach a baby how to sleep and I'm pissed at every single person in my life that had a baby before me and didn't tell me lol
@yamfood You're welcome. If you have a partner and aren't exclusively breastfeeding (even if you're able to pump bottles or offer formula at night), I'd suggest taking shifts during the night. I wish we did that from the beginning. Even if naps are off during the day, if I get at least 4hrs of uninterrupted sleep and at least 6hrs total, it changes everything. Find out what your limit/need is and get ahead of it if you can. I wish you the best!
wonderdove
New member
@job28 10000000%. This speaks to me so much. My girl is 8 weeks now and I feel like she woke up the world at 3 weeks. It takes forever to get her to sleep, even though she’s really tired. We’re practicing drowsy but awake 1-2 times a day but have had only a few successes (I intervene immediately if she cries bc she’s still so little)… If I lay her down in the crib I may get 20 mins but if she’s sleeping on me I get an hour plus. I just feel like my entire day is the same 2 hours on repeat and I end up being nap trapped. And she can only be up for 45 mins before I need to start putting her back down (although sometimes it’s literally 20 mins and she has a melt down). I have so many friends with kids and I’m LIVID no one ever mentioned this to me. Teaching them to sleep is all consuming. Ugh anyway nice to know others feel the same way… I’m so sick of “just put her down DrOwSy bUt AwAkE, she’ll get the hang of it” 
@wonderdove Drowsy but awake doesn't work for young babies that aren't unicorn sleepers. I'm so annoyed at all the marketing around "oh all you have to do is follow wake windows and put down drowsy but awake". It's working for my son now that he's 4 months and can self-soothe, but it definitely didn't work before then and all it did was drive me insane.
@wonderdove I baby wear during the day and just let her contact nap. It’s not worth the fight for me 
my daughter is 10 weeks, but she does sleep pretty well in the bassinet at night.
my daughter is 10 weeks, but she does sleep pretty well in the bassinet at night.josephine_b
New member
@wonderdove Ok I’ve found my people. Getting my 8w old baby to sleep is the hardest part of this whole experience. First couple weeks he’s a potato that seems to sleep easily, and even though I needed to feed every 3 hours I never worried about him getting sleep in between. Now it feels like I’m playing roulette and I never know what I’m going to get. I’m always watching the clock to see how long he’s been awake, and start the process of putting him down 30 minutes before his wake window ends. And those 30 minutes (or more) take so much out of me, mentally physically and emotionally. Rinse, repeat 6-7x a day.
What makes it harder is that everyone tells you their sleep is so important (“sleep begets sleep!”) so there’s a lot of pressure to get it right. When I started tracking in huckleberry a couple weeks ago panicked because his sleep only amounted to 11-12 hours instead of the 14-17 that’s recommended and “normal”.
I also hate when people tell me (or comment on Reddit) that their baby changed one day around his age and started sleeping through the night. Just “hang in there”. Like, cool, congrats, but I’m not gonna take a chance on trusting that’ll magically happen to me. I’m jealous of OP who seemingly unlocked the key to great sleep with one simple fix, I just don’t think that’s very realistic.
What makes it harder is that everyone tells you their sleep is so important (“sleep begets sleep!”) so there’s a lot of pressure to get it right. When I started tracking in huckleberry a couple weeks ago panicked because his sleep only amounted to 11-12 hours instead of the 14-17 that’s recommended and “normal”.
I also hate when people tell me (or comment on Reddit) that their baby changed one day around his age and started sleeping through the night. Just “hang in there”. Like, cool, congrats, but I’m not gonna take a chance on trusting that’ll magically happen to me. I’m jealous of OP who seemingly unlocked the key to great sleep with one simple fix, I just don’t think that’s very realistic.
katrina2017
New member
@atlanta My daughter will be 4 weeks tomorrow and holy shit it's such a slog. I knew it would be hard, but since I'm not a very fussy person, I assumed that the work would be all physical. I didn't understand that it's entirely a mental game that gets harder as the exhaustion rolls over night after night. I wasn't ready for this constant low-level frustration to break down my sanity and personal identity. For example: I woke up 3 hours ago. I've spent the entire 3 hours trying to satisfy the baby long enough to brush my teeth and change my bloody bedsheets. I've nursed, rocked, sang, bounced, played, burped, and changed. I've had her in the wrap, the crib, and the swing. No luck.
I think there are some life experiences that don't translate without context. I'm sure someone tried to tell me, and maybe I even listened, but there was zero understanding.
I'm remembering other hard life changes, like going away to college. I was so excited and scared to start college. Some things were REALLY hard, and I broke down more times than I can count. But I was constantly told that it was normal and I would find my path. Now years after graduation, I look back on my 19 year old self with compassion. It doesn't matter how awkward or messy that time was; it was an important part of growing up. I just tell myself that in 5 years, I'll look back on this part of my life and I'll be so proud that I got through. That kind of helps.
I think there are some life experiences that don't translate without context. I'm sure someone tried to tell me, and maybe I even listened, but there was zero understanding.
I'm remembering other hard life changes, like going away to college. I was so excited and scared to start college. Some things were REALLY hard, and I broke down more times than I can count. But I was constantly told that it was normal and I would find my path. Now years after graduation, I look back on my 19 year old self with compassion. It doesn't matter how awkward or messy that time was; it was an important part of growing up. I just tell myself that in 5 years, I'll look back on this part of my life and I'll be so proud that I got through. That kind of helps.
@katrina2017 That last bit is such a lovely way to frame it and extend yourself some empathy. I'm going to remember that.
sookie1953
New member
@katrina2017 My daughter is 4 weeks tomorrow too and I feel exactly the same way. Thanks for putting it in words
@katrina2017 Everything you said 100%. As I’m going through this all now with my second, it feels so much better time #2. There is so much more confidence and comfort and I think the baby can feel that. If I hadn’t survived kid #1 I wouldn’t be enjoying it the second time around. Watching them together is totally worth it.
stormspotter
New member
@atlanta It's definitely been harder than I expected. I think the lack of sleep just makes everything feel impossible. It started getting some easier for me around 7 weeks when she started sleeping a bit more, and I did too. For some reason I thought I'd have lots of down time with a newborn... Turns out it's just a different kind of work, and more physically and emotionally demanding than my prior work. Sending you strength and care.
@stormspotter I feel like I had so much downtime and watched so much tv at that time but everything is like in an hour and a half cycle and usually you’re whispering and tiptoeing because the baby is asleep on you and you’re so exhausted so you really can’t do anything except stare at the TV lol
barlowgirl
New member
@atlanta Yep it’s actually just really hard. Lol. I wondered the same like why did no one tell me?!?? I think they did I just didn’t “get” it. Baby is 8 weeks and we’re catching a bit of a groove. Recommend to download huckleberry app and pay for plus. Use the sweet spot for nap times. Helps us prevent over tiredness which was a huge issue. They need so much sleep!!! You got this!!