@atlanta My daughter will be 4 weeks tomorrow and holy shit it's such a slog. I knew it would be hard, but since I'm not a very fussy person, I assumed that the work would be all physical. I didn't understand that it's entirely a mental game that gets harder as the exhaustion rolls over night after night. I wasn't ready for this constant low-level frustration to break down my sanity and personal identity. For example: I woke up 3 hours ago. I've spent the entire 3 hours trying to satisfy the baby long enough to brush my teeth and change my bloody bedsheets. I've nursed, rocked, sang, bounced, played, burped, and changed. I've had her in the wrap, the crib, and the swing. No luck.
I think there are some life experiences that don't translate without context. I'm sure someone tried to tell me, and maybe I even listened, but there was zero understanding.
I'm remembering other hard life changes, like going away to college. I was so excited and scared to start college. Some things were REALLY hard, and I broke down more times than I can count. But I was constantly told that it was normal and I would find my path. Now years after graduation, I look back on my 19 year old self with compassion. It doesn't matter how awkward or messy that time was; it was an important part of growing up. I just tell myself that in 5 years, I'll look back on this part of my life and I'll be so proud that I got through. That kind of helps.