I was not expecting taking care of a newborn to be so hard
@atlanta Personally, i loved the newborn phase. It was beautiful. I took care of my babe and she was an easy baby. My husband took the mornings so i could sleep and shower. It was really nice.
Month 4-20 ⊠however⊠i lost my freaking mind. The crying, the obstinance, the sleep regressions, my husband having a midlife crisis, realizing i had to pause my career, getting agoraphobia, post partum anxiety⊠ya know⊠insane. Brutal. And relentless.
Finally enjoying motherhood with my two year old. The newborn stage was my favorite part up until now.
Month 4-20 ⊠however⊠i lost my freaking mind. The crying, the obstinance, the sleep regressions, my husband having a midlife crisis, realizing i had to pause my career, getting agoraphobia, post partum anxiety⊠ya know⊠insane. Brutal. And relentless.
Finally enjoying motherhood with my two year old. The newborn stage was my favorite part up until now.
luckyone54
New member
@atlanta I definitely have newborn amnesia, too. I really canât remember how hard it was taking care of my babies. Both my babies were born when it was very cold and snowy. I remember those days as very routine of changing the baby, nursing, bathing them. I did what I was suppose to just to survive it. It wasnât easy but I survived. I didnât have social media back to post anything or cell phones. I do remember once spring arrived things got better and I could go for long walks pushing her in the stroller. I lived close to the University of Utah so I walked all over that campus pushing her in the stroller. I spent a lot of time outside enjoying nature. This really helped her be a happy baby.
@atlanta Iâm only 12 weeks in tomorrow, but I honestly expected it to be worse based off the experiences of those around me. I think having such a low bar has helped me genuinely enjoy the newborn phase. I also heavily lean on my support system to watch her once a week during my horse riding lesson and hired a postpartum doula for a few nights of GOOD rest. All I know is this goes by exceptionally fast, so the bad phases will be short as will the good. Hang in there 
calvin_1985
New member
@atlanta This is what I keep telling everyone! They tell us we will be sleep deprived but not that baby cries ALL the time and how difficult it is to figure everything out! My kid doesnât like cow protein and soy, took me 3 months to figure that out 
things are finally starting to be easier because the cries are less and tummy time is no longer super painful for baby.
It gets better, you gotta pull through the first few months. Yes this is unhelpful advice and I hate hearing it, but it is the reality.
things are finally starting to be easier because the cries are less and tummy time is no longer super painful for baby. It gets better, you gotta pull through the first few months. Yes this is unhelpful advice and I hate hearing it, but it is the reality.
canedunkan
New member
@atlanta Nothing beats experience and being at the job. We never attended any pregnancy courses before our son arrived (heâs now 9.5 months). Thankfully some friends and family told us that thereâs no point. You can never also be mentally prepared as every kid throws new types of challenges. Parenting is hard AF! From what I gathered after talking to so many people describing my own challenges- the first few months (even upto a year) is about the babyâs digestive system (reflux, allergies, choosing the right formula for formula babies, figuring out the right diet for BF babies) and is a lot of work! Then comes separation anxiety, clinginess, teething and issues galore which go and come off and on in phases and in loops lol. With that being said, parenting is a privilege and a pleasure (at least to me and a large number of people) and itâs fun to see your baby blossom through!
And as they grow older, theyâve outgrown their allergies and are exhibiting a full blown personality. Then comes the real parenting: you gotta be a friend, philosopher and guide for your baby.
What they tell you about timely diaper changes, feeding schedules etc is so very basic that must be implemented for EVERY baby like a ritual lol. But what they DONâT prepare you for, is how tough it is to comfort a baby when they struggle with acid reflux, possible CMPA, multiple food intolerances, skin sensitivity issues, diaper rashes, vaccine side effects, flu, endless viruses if in daycare and the PTSD that you develop from the stress of endless caregiving, etc.
(not scaring you, not trying to sugarcoat either)
9 months in and the exhaustion is real, the sleep deprivation is real, but the happiness and fulfillment is real too! Hang in there!
And as they grow older, theyâve outgrown their allergies and are exhibiting a full blown personality. Then comes the real parenting: you gotta be a friend, philosopher and guide for your baby.
What they tell you about timely diaper changes, feeding schedules etc is so very basic that must be implemented for EVERY baby like a ritual lol. But what they DONâT prepare you for, is how tough it is to comfort a baby when they struggle with acid reflux, possible CMPA, multiple food intolerances, skin sensitivity issues, diaper rashes, vaccine side effects, flu, endless viruses if in daycare and the PTSD that you develop from the stress of endless caregiving, etc.
(not scaring you, not trying to sugarcoat either) - Take it day by day. Each day is a new challenge lol. No rush.
- Figuring out step by step is key. Especially in the first few months, if baby has allergies, food introduction and elimination has to be done step by step with a lot of patience.
- Youâre allowed to have meltdowns, heartaches and delight in the process. Just make sure you and your partner share responsibilities and you build a good support system around you/lean on the support system you already have! Never be afraid to ask for help from family and friends AND professional help when and if necessary! Stay in touch with your medical team.
9 months in and the exhaustion is real, the sleep deprivation is real, but the happiness and fulfillment is real too! Hang in there!
rsnprocess
New member
@atlanta It's definitely one of the hardest things anyone will have to cope with. We are moving into week 6 now and dealing with fussiness that is growth spurt adjacent.
It was absolutely the hardest from week 1-4. My PPD absolutely destroyed my well-being and self worth, and our inability to EBF made things even worse. I felt like a complete failure and wanted to throw myself into a well. I hated that I couldn't help LO BF better and I felt so guilty for forming a resentment towards someone so small and innocent.
The days started getting better once I forgave myself and said it was ok to combo feed and move towards FF once I have to go back to work. Also shift sleeping with my husband on weekdays!!!! As LO gets older, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. She is getting stronger day by day, getting bigger and cuter, and I am starting to finally understand her cues, sounds, and cries better. It helps me feel more connected to her that I can understand her "language"!
Give yourself some grace. I think it's great that you're already acknowledging the struggle!! You are doing amazing and things will get better every day. You've got this!
It was absolutely the hardest from week 1-4. My PPD absolutely destroyed my well-being and self worth, and our inability to EBF made things even worse. I felt like a complete failure and wanted to throw myself into a well. I hated that I couldn't help LO BF better and I felt so guilty for forming a resentment towards someone so small and innocent.
The days started getting better once I forgave myself and said it was ok to combo feed and move towards FF once I have to go back to work. Also shift sleeping with my husband on weekdays!!!! As LO gets older, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. She is getting stronger day by day, getting bigger and cuter, and I am starting to finally understand her cues, sounds, and cries better. It helps me feel more connected to her that I can understand her "language"!
Give yourself some grace. I think it's great that you're already acknowledging the struggle!! You are doing amazing and things will get better every day. You've got this!
@atlanta God I remember those days (4.5 months now). I was up all night on Reddit searching for any combination of "when does it get better" and "will it always be this hard." I was absolutely cracked out on no sleep (I did all the overnight wakeups) and even though my baby was solidly average in terms of temperament and sleep I felt like I'd ruined my life.
My two cents is that I didn't really understand what people meant when they said "parenting is hard," because I don't think I COULD have until I went through it. I've done plenty of other things that people describe as "hard" and didn't find them TOO challenging. Parenting is not like that. There are no breaks or downtime, at least in those first 3ish months. It's like stochastic terrorism--babies' needs can strike at any time, and you have to be ready. Your sympathetic nervous system never shuts off.
I dealt with it by calling in help, which I'm privileged to be able to do. I broke down and called my mom or MIL with an SOS and asked them to come over and hold the baby for three hours so I could nap. I also weaned him to formula at 10 weeks because he wasn't eating enough BFing and was slipping his growth curve, and we were spending up to five hours a day screaming at the boob for no reward. I also second whoever recommended paying for Huckleberry plus to get the sweet spot nap estimations--sure, I could track wake windows on my own, but I was too fucking tired. Being able to offload that task was well worth fifty-odd bucks.
As for when it gets better, this is my subjective experience, but: at 3 months I felt like I could see the light. At 4 months it felt like we had lives again, albeit ones ruled by a baby. It's still touch and go sometimes but I now have seen how things improve with time and am able to keep the faith that they'll keep going that way. Big hugs to you, this shit is SO so hard.
My two cents is that I didn't really understand what people meant when they said "parenting is hard," because I don't think I COULD have until I went through it. I've done plenty of other things that people describe as "hard" and didn't find them TOO challenging. Parenting is not like that. There are no breaks or downtime, at least in those first 3ish months. It's like stochastic terrorism--babies' needs can strike at any time, and you have to be ready. Your sympathetic nervous system never shuts off.
I dealt with it by calling in help, which I'm privileged to be able to do. I broke down and called my mom or MIL with an SOS and asked them to come over and hold the baby for three hours so I could nap. I also weaned him to formula at 10 weeks because he wasn't eating enough BFing and was slipping his growth curve, and we were spending up to five hours a day screaming at the boob for no reward. I also second whoever recommended paying for Huckleberry plus to get the sweet spot nap estimations--sure, I could track wake windows on my own, but I was too fucking tired. Being able to offload that task was well worth fifty-odd bucks.
As for when it gets better, this is my subjective experience, but: at 3 months I felt like I could see the light. At 4 months it felt like we had lives again, albeit ones ruled by a baby. It's still touch and go sometimes but I now have seen how things improve with time and am able to keep the faith that they'll keep going that way. Big hugs to you, this shit is SO so hard.
@atlanta Newborn is the HARDEST stage - everything else gets easier after that (when they can lift their own heads, their guts work better, they can smile at you, etc.). It literally is the 4th trimester, it's having an itty bitty being designed for the perfect conditions of inside your womb, now on the outside, where you have to DO all the things that the womb provided automatically.
My advice to get through newborn and small baby stage - nurse as often as possible (don't listen to bad Google or dr. info. that tells you to limit feedings to a certain number or time slot at this age, it will gradually spread out as LO gets older), consult an IBCLC if you experience nursing troubles (a regular dr. or nurse or LC does not have the training regarding breastfeeding that an IBCLC does), look up some baby gas relief exercises (my hubby was a whiz at moving LO's legs around to release gas), track growth spurts AND wonder weeks (LO tends to get hungrier and fussier, etc. when on the cusp of a ton of growth or new skills), babywear as much as possible, and get a nebulizer with some albuterol for when baby gets their first cold (which might not be for awhile if you're able to stay off work longer, or might be soon if they have to go to daycare soon, either way, you want it in your house in advance for when it happens).
Most importantly, know that this phase is the hardest, and it is temporary - my husband and I will still joke now, if our 3yo is having a tantrum, or is really sick with a daycare bug, or whatever it is that's hard now, "it's not as bad as when he was a newborn!!! Remember that??" Because it puts everything in perspective and we recognize how much EASIER everything is. Honestly, the first 3-4 months are the absolute hardest, and it gets consistently easier the farther out from that you get (sure there will be bumps along the road, mostly daycare illnesses), but nothing is as hard as the newborn stage, and it just keeps getting better after that.
My advice to get through newborn and small baby stage - nurse as often as possible (don't listen to bad Google or dr. info. that tells you to limit feedings to a certain number or time slot at this age, it will gradually spread out as LO gets older), consult an IBCLC if you experience nursing troubles (a regular dr. or nurse or LC does not have the training regarding breastfeeding that an IBCLC does), look up some baby gas relief exercises (my hubby was a whiz at moving LO's legs around to release gas), track growth spurts AND wonder weeks (LO tends to get hungrier and fussier, etc. when on the cusp of a ton of growth or new skills), babywear as much as possible, and get a nebulizer with some albuterol for when baby gets their first cold (which might not be for awhile if you're able to stay off work longer, or might be soon if they have to go to daycare soon, either way, you want it in your house in advance for when it happens).
Most importantly, know that this phase is the hardest, and it is temporary - my husband and I will still joke now, if our 3yo is having a tantrum, or is really sick with a daycare bug, or whatever it is that's hard now, "it's not as bad as when he was a newborn!!! Remember that??" Because it puts everything in perspective and we recognize how much EASIER everything is. Honestly, the first 3-4 months are the absolute hardest, and it gets consistently easier the farther out from that you get (sure there will be bumps along the road, mostly daycare illnesses), but nothing is as hard as the newborn stage, and it just keeps getting better after that.
sonscreative
New member
cee_the_atheist
New member
cee_the_atheist
New member
I adore it though, for sure. 3:13am currently lol
@cee_the_atheist I do love contact naps & when he seems calm with me The other great feeling is when his little hands touches your skin. I almost cried happy tears.
The other great feeling is when his little hands touches your skin. I almost cried happy tears.cee_the_atheist
New member
deltahotel
New member
@atlanta I think if books were real about how hard the newborn phase is, lot of people do wouldn't have kids. 
People are already afraid to have them and they know only the sugarcoated version of infant care.
Our biggest challenge is gassiness, the extra burps, can't put him on the back for a long time after feeding because of the acid, not enough quality sleep at night so he basically eats/sleeps on me all day, so it is hard to find the time for tummy time (can't do right after feeding then food coma/ end of wake hits). He's only 1 month old so no rush I guess but I worry about everything.
At least my mom prepared me with her stories how I was the worst at this age
People are already afraid to have them and they know only the sugarcoated version of infant care.Our biggest challenge is gassiness, the extra burps, can't put him on the back for a long time after feeding because of the acid, not enough quality sleep at night so he basically eats/sleeps on me all day, so it is hard to find the time for tummy time (can't do right after feeding then food coma/ end of wake hits). He's only 1 month old so no rush I guess but I worry about everything.
At least my mom prepared me with her stories how I was the worst at this age
