@atlanta Check out the Dunstan method for crying it teaches you what baby needs from the sound of their cry, so there's no guessing. Also, read up on wonderweeks so you can be prepared for those. It's tough, but try to enjoy it while you can they are only newborns for 8 weeks, and once you get it figured out it's over. Enjoy that little baby scrunch, and FTLOG stop googling.
I was not expecting taking care of a newborn to be so hard
ronniesgrl1
New member
@atlanta I am right here with you.
I look back on it and think about all the things I wish I knew and I wish someone told me!
Like how newborns are always gassy so you should just constantly burp them. Or that they ONLY contact nap for the first 5 weeks. Or about wake windows. And how exhausted you’ll be to even make yourself food or shower. Or how IMMEDIATELY the dynamic shifts to the mom to do more baby work - I’m just as new to this as my partner, wtf! And not to mention the loneliness and the boredom and the depression and the rage.
I look back on it and think about all the things I wish I knew and I wish someone told me!
Like how newborns are always gassy so you should just constantly burp them. Or that they ONLY contact nap for the first 5 weeks. Or about wake windows. And how exhausted you’ll be to even make yourself food or shower. Or how IMMEDIATELY the dynamic shifts to the mom to do more baby work - I’m just as new to this as my partner, wtf! And not to mention the loneliness and the boredom and the depression and the rage.
cbonetwobe
New member
@atlanta Yes i was shocked at how hard it was. My baby is 3months now and it does get better but there are new worries everyday. The anxiety gets better because they are less fragile (although I have nap anxiety now 
)
You also go from: i barely have time to do anything during their WW to: i dont know what ill do this entire WW!
) You also go from: i barely have time to do anything during their WW to: i dont know what ill do this entire WW!
@atlanta I went in with the expectation that it was going to be the harder thing I’ve ever done. I also did courses- which I thought did a good job setting up that expectation, and well as talked to family members about their experience. I was a colicky baby and so was my cousin and grew up listening to the horror stories so that’s what I thought my life was going to be like. Luckily no colic so at least that !
The new born phase was a breeze compared to this 3-4 month phase
The new born phase was a breeze compared to this 3-4 month phase
@atlanta 17 weeks in and it feels like time has passed so fast. My son had bad gas pains from week 2-6 and I wasn’t getting much sleep. Around week 8 I started cosleeping with him and it made all the difference.
My son doesn’t cry much. Like at all so I’m very grateful for that. He’s a super happy baby so I’m extremely lucky.
My son doesn’t cry much. Like at all so I’m very grateful for that. He’s a super happy baby so I’m extremely lucky.
daughtermolly
New member
anotherwalker
New member
@daughtermolly
- first 12 week just survival - newborn phase sucks balls!
daughtermolly
New member
@anotherwalker Amen, I'm convinced people miss how small their child was, not the phase itself!
anotherwalker
New member
@daughtermolly Agreed I look back on photos and think aw how sweet. Then I remember!
godsgirl79
New member
@atlanta You’re not alone. Ours had/has colic so it was screaming/crying like 80% of the time. Not sure when it started to get better (maybe 3 months) or why; it could be a formula change, gas drops, or time. Perhaps you need to express your concerns to the pediatrician. They might have suggestions that will make an improvement.
Ours still sucks sometimes, but it is better.
Ours still sucks sometimes, but it is better.
sylivesteralmas
New member
@atlanta My husband and I went to “taking care of your infant” class 2 weeks before my due date, hoping we will learn the necessary skills and they will be fresh in our minds. The baby came a week early so should be very fresh. But all they taught us is to change diaper, swaddle the baby, and talked about things like safe sleep guidance. They didn’t cover gas or acid reflux, how to give a bath to an infant, or diaper rash (and how to treat it), clogged tear ducts (and what to do), and all the other skills one needs. I essentially didn’t learn anything that wasn’t covered in child birth class because we didn’t get competent at swaddling either and ended up using Velcro swaddles. The best practical guide on child care is “moms on call”.
iceandfire1328
New member
@atlanta I don’t think any level of preparation would cover becoming parents. It’s the best and most difficult thing I’ve ever done.
Yes it gets better in ways and then harder in other ways. Pay attention to wake windows and developmental leaps for the 1st year, that has always really helped me. Be ok with chaos and things not going the way you want them to, go with the flow.
My 3yr old doesn’t get up a million times during the night, but he won’t poop on the potty and I’m cleaning up poop constantly.
My 6 month old, is sleeping through the night but now she needs more attention and interaction through out the day and her naps have gone to crap this past week.
My sister has an 8 yr old. He’s independent and can do a lot for himself, but he never wants to listen and argues about everything.
Every stage will have its difficulties but it’s also so full of joy and excitement!
Yes it gets better in ways and then harder in other ways. Pay attention to wake windows and developmental leaps for the 1st year, that has always really helped me. Be ok with chaos and things not going the way you want them to, go with the flow.
My 3yr old doesn’t get up a million times during the night, but he won’t poop on the potty and I’m cleaning up poop constantly.
My 6 month old, is sleeping through the night but now she needs more attention and interaction through out the day and her naps have gone to crap this past week.
My sister has an 8 yr old. He’s independent and can do a lot for himself, but he never wants to listen and argues about everything.
Every stage will have its difficulties but it’s also so full of joy and excitement!
thatgirl007
New member
@atlanta I catastrophize everything, so I definitely didn't think it would be easy, but I feel like nothing can truly prepare you for it. I did think I'd have time to read, due house work, or some sewing.... no, the window of "free time" is so small, and I always had a baby on me, she was a big contact naper until she was old enough to sleep train.
Now, I really wasnt prepared for what it did to my body, I had to do 8 months or physical therapy due to chronic pain and incontinence, then the ripping and stitches was so painful to use the bathroom, and the pregnancy triggered graves disease. Working with a wrecked body and a new born was hard.
I do feel like that 3 month mark is like a magic switch of things getting better. Things get better, you got this!
Now, I really wasnt prepared for what it did to my body, I had to do 8 months or physical therapy due to chronic pain and incontinence, then the ripping and stitches was so painful to use the bathroom, and the pregnancy triggered graves disease. Working with a wrecked body and a new born was hard.
I do feel like that 3 month mark is like a magic switch of things getting better. Things get better, you got this!
mary0608196
New member
@atlanta I think you just don’t get it until you’re actually going through it. And as much as I wasn’t prepared for how hard I think if someone had warned me it was hard I would’ve not found that helpful or just waved them off. Everyone experiences it differently so I think instead of warning new parents that it’s going to be hard I think it’s better to recognize that and offer support to be their village and help them get through. I found the beginning stage unimaginably hard but somehow we got through it. It’s still hard at almost 4 months but it’s getting easier in many ways too.
@atlanta Here with my 6 day old and struggling through feedings - he LOVES eating CONSTANTLY but has started spitting up a ton immediately after presumably due to an overly full tummy. I don’t want him to be hungry and I want to trust he knows when he should eat…but I’ve already introduced a pacifier just in case he’s got some oral fixation and I’m not able to sleep because he’s become so frustrated with the spitting up. Im trying to be thankful for these sleepless nights as opportunities to bond and have alone time…but he is inconsolable sleeping anywhere but in my arms, and I am terrified of cosleeping but it’s the only way he’s actually been content and allowed me to rest too - I’ll be building up his crib tolerance with short naps in there throughout the day, but I’m really getting to my wits’ end
@atlanta I feel you, I’m a FTM and I have an almost 7 week old. He’s generally a very easy baby but it’s most definitely not as easy as the books and blogs and classes made it seem. My LO just went through a developmental leap and a growth spurt and holy moly. I thought I was getting the hang of it, was so proud of myself, then he just did a complete 180. Wanting to be held 24/7, screaming if he was set down, feeding so much, not sleeping, and squirmy like crazy. He will only sleep if we’re laying down nursing for like 30-45 minutes, or if I’m wearing him in my baby wrap. Even when one of us is holding him sometimes he is just kicking and swinging his arms all crazy. & that when you have sensory issues can be rough. I hate the way fabric feels rubbing against my skin so.
Also the googling omg, I’ve had my boyfriend take my phone away cause I’m googling every single thing my baby does.
Not a lot of advice has been at all helpful to me honestly. Our pediatrician did tell us one thing I’ve found to be very true though. She said “when it comes to babies there is a general handbook, but YOU have to write your babies instruction manual.”
Also the googling omg, I’ve had my boyfriend take my phone away cause I’m googling every single thing my baby does.
Not a lot of advice has been at all helpful to me honestly. Our pediatrician did tell us one thing I’ve found to be very true though. She said “when it comes to babies there is a general handbook, but YOU have to write your babies instruction manual.”
@atlanta I feel this so hard. I will say a lot of my friends did warn me that it was exhausting and tiring, however, you really cannot understand it until you’re in the trenches of it imo.
My girl is 4 months in 10 days, and my god I swear I don’t even fully remember the first 2 months of her life because I was a walking zombie doing everything to just survive (and that was with a supportive partner).
Being a parent is HARD, showing up every day is HARD. However, as cheesy as it sounds, once your baby starts smiling, giggling and becoming more than a little sack of potatoes it really makes it all feel worth it.
I don’t think it really started getting better till just shy of 11 weeks. I think that’s when the “fog” really started to clear for me. I will say, i’m entering the 4 month sleep regression and it’s a bitch lol. However, it is mildly better than when she was a newborn. I also feel more prepared because I survive (just barley) the newborn stage. I feel I’ve learnt “tricks” through trial and error from the NB stage to help us during this sleep regression, and I just keep reminding myself when it gets hard that it’s a stage, and it to shall pass.
Also, if you need to cry, just cry. Being a parent is hard, and there are days you’ll want to give up, but some how you survive the day and don’t feel prepared for tomorrow, but you still get through it.
Not sure if this resonates with you specifically, but i remember in the early days and weeks people going “oh you’ll know what she needs/wants based of her cry”. The only thing I could tell you in those early weeks about her cry is that they were loud and seemed constant. I felt horrible I couldn’t tell what she needed off of her cries and cues, i felt like a horrible mother. I don’t even know when it happened, but I do know a difference between some of her cries, and a lot of her cues for what she needs prior to her screaming (but she’s a baby, and of course still screams at times). I find myself telling family members or my partner “oh she’s gassy, oh she’s hungry, oh she’s tired” and more often than not i’m right. You just sort of get the hang of it one day, and then other days you’re way off, and sometimes you can’t do anything to make them stop crying other than just being there and letting them know they’re not alone.
I get through the hard days by talking to my partner, or sometimes just sitting in the room in silence with him when she’s sleeping. I reach out to friends, and ensure i’m brutally honest with them about the hard time i’m having. I tried to sugar coat things early on, make it seem like i had the worlds easiest baby and i was super strong …. it helped no one and honestly made me feel more hopeless. Take all the help you can get, and try to take as much care of yourself as you can during those early months. I remember i always tried to prioritize a showering, it just made me feel better. Whether I was able to accomplish one while she napped, or waited till my partner got home and got to take one without a worry of her waking. There were days I didn’t, and i didn’t get down on myself for it. It was a hard day, and that’s okay tomorrow is a new one.
All of this, just to basically say you will survive this.
My girl is 4 months in 10 days, and my god I swear I don’t even fully remember the first 2 months of her life because I was a walking zombie doing everything to just survive (and that was with a supportive partner).
Being a parent is HARD, showing up every day is HARD. However, as cheesy as it sounds, once your baby starts smiling, giggling and becoming more than a little sack of potatoes it really makes it all feel worth it.
I don’t think it really started getting better till just shy of 11 weeks. I think that’s when the “fog” really started to clear for me. I will say, i’m entering the 4 month sleep regression and it’s a bitch lol. However, it is mildly better than when she was a newborn. I also feel more prepared because I survive (just barley) the newborn stage. I feel I’ve learnt “tricks” through trial and error from the NB stage to help us during this sleep regression, and I just keep reminding myself when it gets hard that it’s a stage, and it to shall pass.
Also, if you need to cry, just cry. Being a parent is hard, and there are days you’ll want to give up, but some how you survive the day and don’t feel prepared for tomorrow, but you still get through it.
Not sure if this resonates with you specifically, but i remember in the early days and weeks people going “oh you’ll know what she needs/wants based of her cry”. The only thing I could tell you in those early weeks about her cry is that they were loud and seemed constant. I felt horrible I couldn’t tell what she needed off of her cries and cues, i felt like a horrible mother. I don’t even know when it happened, but I do know a difference between some of her cries, and a lot of her cues for what she needs prior to her screaming (but she’s a baby, and of course still screams at times). I find myself telling family members or my partner “oh she’s gassy, oh she’s hungry, oh she’s tired” and more often than not i’m right. You just sort of get the hang of it one day, and then other days you’re way off, and sometimes you can’t do anything to make them stop crying other than just being there and letting them know they’re not alone.
I get through the hard days by talking to my partner, or sometimes just sitting in the room in silence with him when she’s sleeping. I reach out to friends, and ensure i’m brutally honest with them about the hard time i’m having. I tried to sugar coat things early on, make it seem like i had the worlds easiest baby and i was super strong …. it helped no one and honestly made me feel more hopeless. Take all the help you can get, and try to take as much care of yourself as you can during those early months. I remember i always tried to prioritize a showering, it just made me feel better. Whether I was able to accomplish one while she napped, or waited till my partner got home and got to take one without a worry of her waking. There were days I didn’t, and i didn’t get down on myself for it. It was a hard day, and that’s okay tomorrow is a new one.
All of this, just to basically say you will survive this.