I miss my son’s twin

[katrina2017]

@pudnanewell1986 I felt that deep my niece who died the day after she was born due to medical malpractice (January 9th) there’s a picture of her in the living room and sometimes my one year old goes over and plays in front of the photo and she even tries handing her toys it breaks me to the core.

 

[pudnanewell1986]

Thank you everyone for sharing and for all the kind words, messages and awards. I certainly did not expect this to blow up as much as it did.

You’re all wonderful people and it’s why I stick around in this sub. I’ve learned a lot on here about what I can do when as our son grows up, so keep on keeping on! Much love

 

[dialogist]

@pudnanewell1986 For you as a couple finding out you were pregnant was a moment of joy because you had made the decision to start a family. At this time you became Daddy to both of your children. It is natural and a good thing that you feel your loss as keenly as you do.

I have lost a couple of very early stage pregnancies, but nothing as traumatic as the experience of your wife and yourself. I have a SIL and BIL who lost 7 first and second trimester babies, which were horrific and devastating in every way and would have broken many couples. We, both couples now have four daughters between us. Ours are young women in the twenties and theirs are teenagers.

But every now and then the children we lost will still bring a shadow of sorrow or a tear and an ache in our hearts. I still get a pang sometimes, if wondering why my body failed those babies, even though I logically know that’s not the story. As parents we want to fix it. But you’ll be shocked how common these situations happen. You are not alone.

Even when you have multiple children there will be times when the sun is shining for one and the other is facing seemingly insurmountable difficulties and as parents and as a family you’ll need to learn to support each child in their circumstance.

Mostly allow yourself to feel the joy as well as the heartache. They are both important to you and there’s no escaping that.

I hope this has been helpful to you from an older person’s perspective. Best wishes.

 

[journey2]

@pudnanewell1986 It's all good man. Everyone is the sperm that won, but we don't mourn the loss of our sperm brothers and sisters. We'd be doing them a disservice by not embracing the life we have, that we competed them for.

 

[kendraann]

@pudnanewell1986 Three months before I got pregnant with my beautiful, 9-month old daughter, I lost one too. I am incredibly grateful for my baby girl. She is silly, happy, a great sleeper, and brings so much joy to my life. But I sometimes think about what it would have been like if she were born to me 3-months earlier. My beliefs have helped me cope.

I believe that souls can neither be created nor destroyed. They all exist in a world outside our own, always have and always will. A baby, fetus, embryo, zygote, whatever - just because it never makes it to this planet does not mean it dies. It means the vessel was not fit to host the soul. At that point the soul simply elevates back up to wherever it came from (insert your self subscribed religious beliefs here), and comes back down again when another vessel is ready for it.

Please don’t think I’m being crass or trite when I say this, but your baby is not gone. He or she is either waiting above for a new opportunity or living amongst us now in a different life? Maybe your lost baby’s soul is even waiting for you and your wife to get pregnant again so he or she can come back down?

I’m sorry for your loss. It is real and traumatic. Your life is not what is SHOULD have been, but life rarely ever pans out that way. Take solace in the concept that the soul of the baby you lost goes on, despite the failure of the vessel it first inhabited.

 

[euphoria1234]

@pudnanewell1986 never trust a man who would put his wife through that

 

[thed]

@euphoria1234 What sort of socially deprived mutant would say that? You need professional help.

 

[euphoria1234]

@thed i just dont support encouraging your partner to continue a dangerous pregnancy

 

[euphoria1234]

@imchance not wanting your partner to go through a dangerous pregnancy...

 

[euphoria1234]

@imchance mutual, nothing happened to him... whats mutual about her having a difficult pregnancy