I miss my son’s twin

@pudnanewell1986 It's ok to not be ok. You experienced a traumatic loss, and it is ok to grieve it. You won't move on from that loss, but you will learn how to successfully move forward. After my daughter's death (she was 5, it was brain cancer) we found a grief counselor to be very helpful. You may look into having a session and see if it is something you will benefit from.
 
@pudnanewell1986 I feel this too. I have 17mo old twin boys, but they had 2 other siblings in the womb. The 2 that didn’t make it would have been identical twins (my living twins are fraternal).
We lost the first one around 7 weeks and the second one around 10 weeks. I think about them often, especially the one we lost later on as I saw it’s heart beating for almost 4 weeks.

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
 
@pudnanewell1986 My mum lost my sisters twin whilst she was pregnant. She later went to her husband funeral and gave birth the same day to my sister. He was killed in a car accident. He was 25. My brother was 2. My mother is a warrior
 
@pudnanewell1986 I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my first born when she was 6 days old. Losing a child, be it in pregnancy, neonatal, childloss what have you is the worst pain imaginable. When we had our first subsequent I often had grief of what would have been/ there SHOULD BE TWO!!! It is something that will be with you your entire life. It is not selfish to grieve your other baby. That baby is just as real as the son you get to hold in your arms. I am not sure where you live but I am part of a support group called M.E.N.D. (mommies enduring neonatal death) and we have an online support group called Men of M.E.N.D. that you may find helpful. If you want more information or just someone to talk to please please do not hesitate to pm me.
 
@pudnanewell1986 Grief has some very specific stages to it. I’ve noticed that a lot of people who have gotten past the initial shock and anger to rationalisation seem to think that rationalising loss helps people that are still in shock and anger. What you’re feeling is perfectly normal and understandable considering your situation.
 
@pudnanewell1986 My wife and I's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at about 8 weeks. We were in a dark place in our lives and would not have been able to adequately raise the child at that time. It was a devastating feeling. FF a year and a half, we had gotten our acts together and we were pregnant again! She carried our son full term and he's now a healthy, happy amazing little 2 yo. But every once in awhile I have to stop and wonder what it would have been like if he was someone's little brother. You'll never forget but the pain does lighten up. Things get easier, love the one you have enough for the both of them. Cheers!
 
@pudnanewell1986 Hey. We went through a similar thing this year. Our girl who is now 8 weeks old had an identical twin, who we lost 20 weeks into the pregnancy. It means so much of the joy always has a shadow of knowing that there could have been two of them both looking up at us. The birth itself (via section) was probably the most bittersweet moment - knowing that both of them would be coming out. We laid her sister to rest in a memorial woodland near us.

I often hold our girl up to the mirror and imagine what it would be like with both of them. Take care of yourself, and cry if you need to.
 
@pudnanewell1986 Have your 1000th upvote. I know the feels, my wife had a miscarriage. That what could have been feeling gets better over time but it's impossible to forget. Good luck with everything! Stay strong!
 
@pudnanewell1986 I get it. My son was originally a triplet. But he was the only healthy baby. We had to have a multi fetal pregnancy reduction to save him. I’m okay seeing twins, you see twins all the time. But I still wince when I see triplets.
 
@gmcm223 I also lost two of my triplets in utero. My son is an incredible joy at 3 years old. Hearing about triplets still aches every time I hear the word.
 
@pudnanewell1986 Please do not apologize for the length of your post. This is heartbreaking. Living with this knowledge is difficult. It’s natural to feel this. Both are important to you. What counseling have you reached out for? Thank you for sharing this. I can’t even begin to understand or know how you feel.
 
@neokris I haven’t gone through counselling. Not yet anyways. Overall, it doesn’t affect me that much. Just from time to time, but it’s still pretty fresh, so that’s normal. I feel good and more myself this year than the whole pregnancy (for a variety of reasons) which has allowed me to carry this reasonably well in day to day life.
 
@pudnanewell1986 Glad to hear it. Thank you for sharing. This is tough for anyone to bear. Some day, I hope you are able to pass on what you’ve experienced and how you have healthily dealt with it. I’m sure others out there with similar experiences can find comfort and healing in hearing your story.
 
@pudnanewell1986 I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks and had to have the surgery to remove the baby. It was hard. I was so excited to be a mom. The day we found out me and my fiancé were going to Walmart and there was the claw machine. He tried for the hell of it and won this adorable stuffed bear with rattles in his feel. We were so excited about our babies first toy. I lost the baby august 17 of 2016. Our due date was saint paddy’s day. The hardest part was my sil was pregnant the same time and her due date was a week before. So seeing her pregnant killed me.

When you have a miscarriage they recommend you wait for one period cycle before you try again since your hormones are so messed up. I somehow got pregnant two weeks after my D and C. I didn’t find out I was pregnant for about theee months since it’s common to still have the pregnancy hormones after a miscarriage. Any we were blessed with my daughter 9 months later. But the entire pregnancy was wracked with fear. I couldn’t enjoy something that first time moms should. My daughter is 3 now and god I love her more then I can possibly explain, you all know exactly what I mean. But I do think of her brother (not confirmed but I think it was a boy) we still have the teddy bear. It’s on a shelf next to a little framed picture of my first ultrasound. It’s tough. Sometimes worse then others like around august 17 and around the beginning of March.

But like another poster said I can long for my lost baby and still have joy in my daughter. I know without my miscarriage I wouldn’t have my daughter so it’s this hard bitter sweet, guilty feeling almost.

I don’t really have any advice but I understand. Don’t feel bad about mourning. And don’t feel bad about enjoying your son.
 
@pudnanewell1986 30 years ago my first pregnancy was ectopic. My fallopian tube ruptured and I lost the pregnancy. Three months later I got pregnant with my son, who is the joy and light of my life. If I had had that first child, I would’ve never have had my son. But still, every year I think about the child that was not born on what would have been my due date.

A lot of people told me “ well it’s not like you were really pregnant“, and that just felt so heartless. I feel like I was the only one who grieved. So I understand how you feel and it’s OK to grieve for what was lost even while you celebrate what you have.

I wish you and your wife much love and happiness and a long and successful, happy life for your child.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

G
Just a vent post. Sorry. I miss my 3 y o son
Replies
3
Views
71
annieboo
A
C
Really miss my son who has started preschool
Replies
1
Views
108
katrina2017
K
H
Don’t y’all miss this fisher price banger
2 3
Replies
44
Views
387
spacecapsule
S
B
Just had a near miss with wife having newborn, now I have a healthy 2nd boy
2 3
Replies
50
Views
321
pearl52
P
B
Italian Miss Rachel, Laura maestra per i piccoli
Replies
1
Views
79
atigreg
A
Back
Top