I miss my son’s twin

[pudnanewell1986]

@froopaloo Thank you for sharing. I feel the same, even though most don’t understand how that double-edged sword can cut deep some days. Like, yes, I’m ecstatic about my boy, but it doesn’t mean I’m not sad about what could have been.

 

[ingramk]

@pudnanewell1986 Grief is a real and valid feeling that you can't just switch off, and it's okay to feel joy and to need to be the parent your son needs too. It's no easy act to juggle both of them together and there's no instruction manual for it either. Find the joy your son brings you, but it's okay for the memory of his twin to be remembered, loved and missed too. Give yourself permission to set time aside for both.

Don't feel guilty for being human.

 

[mystery12]

@pudnanewell1986 I had 2 miscarriages and I benefited a lot from counseling from a person who specialized in fertility issues and pregnancy loss.

You can't really confide something like this in people unless they have been through something similar, so try to find a support group. My friend goes to PAIL events

 

[mynanu]

@pudnanewell1986 I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, then conceived my son 4 months later, and the entire pregnancy I had the same thing. I'd be excited for each scan, but then think about where I would be at with the baby I lost. Even now with my son about to turn 2 I think about how that baby would be, would it have been a girl, would she be talking more than my son is etc. I think it's normal after losing a pregnancy to wonder all those what ifs, and mourn that loss while still feeling grateful for the child you have.

 

[pudnanewell1986]

@mynanu I think what kills me is that sometimes when he plays, like the mirror where visibly there are two of him, but also when he’s playing alone, he sometimes acts like he’s not playing alone. My wife notices the same thing.

I’ll have to remember to ask him when he’s older if he feels a part of him is missing. Maybe our minds are just tricking us.

 

[jalop]

@pudnanewell1986 I’m so sorry for your loss.
I think perhaps it would be beneficial to seek some professional counseling for you and your wife?

Also, I don’t know if this can be of any reconciliation... My son sometimes also play by the mirror, now (he’s three) and when he was younger. We’re pretty sure he’s been a single child, so no twin there.
He’s also really good at playing by himself and that’s usually something other parents envy - and the kindergarten claims it’s a healthy thing although his extrovert mother sometimes wonder

It’s quite possible your son has some sort of soul mate / invisible friend / guardian angel - but it may not be a negative thing, like something he is missing. It could be a thing that gives him joy? He’ll never be alone.