@fadzi was just strongly feeling the same way today. seeing my friends who are able to raise their children w both parents, and they get to go out and socialize and party. meanwhile i wish someone would show up just so i could shower or eat or even work more so i can afford anything.
it definitely wears on you, and it stings after going such a long time being shown that ppl don’t put the same thought into your feelings that you feel expected to put into EVERYTHING. i hope things get better for you, and everyone that this resonates with.
@fadzi I feel you. You need to fall back. When holidays come around just be like “Hey, I think if you all can come help cook, setup, bring items that’ll be dope.” It’s more time spent together and less work on you. Have everyone pitch in also, let everybody know how you feel, don’t bottle things up.
@fadzi Everyone deserves acknowledgement, though sometimes loved ones can forget. Make it clear to your family, the nice things you are doing even if your children are young, teaching them appreciation will go a long way.
@fadzi Just tell them. They might simply not see these things, because you’re the default person for them. Tell someone that this is how you feel and you also enjoy when things are being organise for you sometimes.
People don’t read minds and they often feel that a person who does what you do wants to control everything and they don’t understand that that person might want to not control something for once.
@fadzi I really know what you mean. But after my husband left I slowly learned, that the perfection and the altruism with which I planned, organised and did everything was too overwhelming for the others to step in. Now I am less organised and enjoy the help and appreciation my kids give me - in their way. They are really considerate, but they have their own way of expressing it.
I bet you are very special to your family and I am sure, they want to do good!
@fadzi I remember fantasizing about someone brining me a glass of water. That’s all I wanted was the smallest of small things - a drink. It really is this hard. You’re doing great. One day they’ll remember and realize it was you. Proud of you.
@fadzi I feel like this is a chronic problem for women care-givers. Even those who love us most tend to forget to do for us the things that we so frequently do for everyone in our lives. We are so often forgotten. I really don’t like my birthday because no matter what happens I feel let down. My bday falls on a holiday and it was frequently overlooked when I was a child. As an adult, my spouse was super inconsistent with things like this. Sometimes it was nothing, not even a card. Other times it was the whole gamut, flowers, cards, gift. I never knew what to expect and was more often let down than happily surprised.
I am divorced now, and though my day still falls on a holiday, and I still get in my head about it, my family has been much more caring about my birthday in the last few years. That’s a kindness I didn’t expect and it means a lot to me.
I know some women who take charge and plan their own birthday celebration. While I am not really comfortable saying “come celebrate with me” I think it is much healthier and they seem to enjoy their day more than the rest of us. That’s my goal for the future.
@fadzi i feel ya. i am still living with my kids dad (temporarily) and although he is a good dad, i feel like im always worried about if everyone ate, mentally knowing what the kids need at alllll times. i have to pick what we eat, i have to think of activities. i do birthday stuff for everyone else and on my bday it just always falls super short. i try not to complain i know a mothers job is selfless. But, i do internally feel like, theres really no one to worry if i ate. if i need something… im hoping it wont be like this forever, that keeps me positive
@fadzi I stopped going crazy over holidays/birthdays. We all choose something to make and share. I’m single mom 24/7 to 3 kids, although my oldest is now 18. I pay all the bills and do all the shopping so it’s still stressful that way, but I told my kiddos a few years ago that holidays and birthdays are for enjoying with each other, so I won’t be driving myself crazy in the kitchen, we can all do it together. The pressure being off is nice and they get excited about sharing their own chosen dish. My birthday is another story. It’s mid/late December on one of the shortest days of the year lol and I always work it. I had a crap childhood and learned to hate my birthday. Now I unplug from social media for the day and just relax alone. Might get a few texts but that’s fine. I see other ppl getting praised and loved and think that’s nice for them, that will never be me.
@fadzi Don’t feel sad. We are here to talk to you. Take care of family is the responsibility of every mother but make sure you take care of yourself first.
@fadzi i feel that. i do nothing for my birthday, any holiday, or fathersday. at least not for me. every holiday is all about the kids, which is great. i love them so very much, but i cant help but long for...feeling special.
@fadzi Totally understand. I have two kids and am in a serious relationship. For bdays and holidays, I will flat out say specifically what would make me happy (like a family landscaping day) and they will completely disregard it. I may end up with a card with cash, sometimes just cash. I don’t really want a gift or cash, just to make a core memory together doing something I’d like for once.
I heard someone say something recently like “No one thinks about you as much as you do. They’re busy thinking of themselves, not how to make you happy or make you feel important. So stop putting so much effort into making everyone else feel how you wish you did. Do more for you.”
im hoping it wont be like this forever, that keeps me positive 