I feel like I take care of everyone all the time. I plan all the trips and activities and crafts and holidays and gifts. Every camping trip and every vacation is all me. My ex and I still travel as a family with our son. I love that we can do that for him but I do everything. My bff is in school full time and has a couple little ones. I happily take over our family holidays and plan and cook and put baskets or whatever together. I truly do love it! I’m also a full time nanny to twin toddlers and run that ship over there as well.
I just want someone to plan something special for me or think of me sometimes. Honestly it wouldn’t take much for me to feel appreciated. And I know everyone appreciates what I do but I’d love to feel special.
That’s it… just feeling a little bummed these days. May is coming and that means Mother’s Day and my bday and I’m always left disappointed that no one cares enough to do anything. Don’t worry, I always buy myself something nice!
Edit: We also just went to hawaii and my son woke up the first morning with a fever/cough. We spent the entire trip inside our condo. That one really stung the heart and the wallet. Last weekend we drove to a beach a few hours away and he got food poisoning. I just wanted to see the sunset
@fadzi I feel ya can be thankless work. I just try to treat the moments that i work for like it is a gift. Me and my son only have each other so i just try to really treat is all as im just lucky. Lucky to have him and me in good health and the rest is just icing on the cake.
@fadzi I'm with you. All I've ever wanted is for someone to plan something for me. For someone to see me, recognise something that I'd like, plan it and surprise me with it. Just to be thought of in way like "oh, she likes X, I could do X for her as a surprise, she'd love it!"
I've floated through life as an invisible woman. I haven't had friends or family who've cared enough about me to do anything. My children are still small and as much as my ex/their dad claimed to love me he never ever ever did anything like that. I'd have to push him for everything and when it came to gifts or surprises I just didn't bother for myself and did it all for others.
It hurts. It feels so superficial and petty to complain but it's really the lack of care and interest that hurts. I can do things for myself and love myself of course. It's just sad that no one else ever has and probably never will.
@ben901234 Aww I wish I could give you a hug and I wish o didn’t know how this feels like.I give people gifts and plan events coz I hope one day,one day someone will say ahh this woman also likes x let’s do x for her.But I did have an ex once who did a lot of nice things for me in that regard but sucked in other ways so I know it is possible but it feels like so long time ago since anyone did anything special for me
@fadzi Same same. I’ve also learned how to treat myself for special days like Mother’s Day and birthdays, but it just doesn’t hit the same. Raise that sweet boy up with love and compassion, teach him how good it feels to take care of others, and surely you’ll get it back tenfold when he’s grown. At least that’s what I keep telling myself .
@englishcatholic17 That is definitely a good way to raise the lil ones, but I do think it is unfair to expect your children to provide anything for you in the future. I don't want my son to. It is his life I want to invest into, I don't want him to feel he has to invest in mine. Not sure if you were getting at that, but I guess I just expect nothing in return...
@magicaxeman The family I nanny for is actually so kind and thoughtful. I’ve been with them for a year and they always get me flowers and treats for holidays. They even got me flowers for women’s day! It’s so sweet! I feel very grateful for them!
@fadzi My birthday is this weekend. It will be my first birthday after the separation/filing for divorce. Not only that, but my ex is not going to be around for a while, so, I’m guessing I won’t be getting any presents (which is fine, but, not even expecting a homemade one).
I’ve had sole custody of our kids since the separation (almost a full year) and I completely understand how you feel. My son is coming down to babysit my younger kids so I can see a movie with my sister and then go hiking on my birthday, so, but I’m guessing nothing from anyone else.
@fadzi I feel you. For a few years now I’ve wanted to just write off Mother’s Day completely. It always ends up with me doing all the work for my own day, and while my kids will get their dad (my ex) to buy a few nice gifts for them to give me, I’d rather they just put effort into being in a good mood for the day and not spiraling into teenage-angst fits that I then need to deal with. My birthday isn’t far off from it either, and both days tend to just feel like blah.
I’m sorry for your situation. And I truly hope someone will step up this year and treat you to a nice day.
@robogreg Isn't the point to take the day off or do what you want? Gifts are nice. Last fathers day I went shooting while the kids were being taken care of. Do you on mother's day. We single parents rarely get to do our hobbies. What is a hobby of yours?
@titusyoder Well, the point varies by person I would say. I’m glad you were able to get out and do something you enjoyed. For my part, I’d rather spend a nice day with my kids. It’s never been about gifts for me, so I hope it didn’t come across that way. What I struggle with is being the sole person organizing a day of fun or relaxation or whatever that we can all enjoy, only to find that one or another of my kids has failed to understand that this is someone else’s day and that means they need to put aside their typical behavior and just be present and nice for my sake. Just one day of no petty fights or complaints about the food or activities. I understood that when I was a kid, but I also had my dad there making us all understand this was “mom’s special day”. I suppose my ex hasn’t stepped up in that way on my behalf (I know I have for his sake on Father’s Day and for his birthday), and why I can agree with OP that sometimes it would just be nice to have someone swing in for one day to do something special, make you feel a little pampered and loved.
@fadzi My kids are all grown. I don’t want them spending any money on me I have my own paycheck they have their own lives and their own bills all I need is a phone call from them for the day and I’m good grateful they took the time!
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