I hate the notion that SAHPs are gold diggers/lazy
- Thread starter daryle
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- rant stay-at-home parents
@freewater This 
bernittaamaroo
New member
@daryle I’m a stay at home mom, and my husband is a Physician. I can’t tell you how many people have criticized me for staying home with the kids. They don’t realize my husband works evenings and weekends and all kinds of crazy hours. This is what works for our family right now — it’s not that I’m a gold digger. I worked until I was 9 months pregnant. People will always make up the narrative they want to in their heads, because they don’t like that we’re creating a life that works best for our children and our marriage. I will probably go back to work at some point, but not while raising babies and toddlers.
@bernittaamaroo My husband is an attorney and his hours are ridiculous. Literally no one would be home if we both worked and home would become a stopover for everyone. And there would never be clean laundry and hot meals. No thank you. Oh yeah and kids would never be able to do their after school activities. Forget about if they need something while they are at school/work.
@bernittaamaroo My husband is a higher up engineer and works 65 hour work weeks which means 8am meetings and 9pm meetings all in the same day. There’s no way we’d enjoy the kids after homework and EC activities if I had to work too. Many of his coworkers have grandparents who live with them to take over that duty but that doesn’t apply to us.
nevadabest
New member
@daryle Jealousy, yo.
I married a doctor, she’s extremely driven and also family oriented. I am now the sahp of 4 and we made that decision together. I was a chef, so now I run 10 acres, 4K sq ft, cook every dayc and my kids are ridiculously intelligent, confident, and thriving.
And the best part is that she’s an involved, interested mother so I also am not the only parent stuck where nothing ever changes. We alternate mornings for school, we share everything.
Some of the stories I read in this sub are so unfortunate, and sad.
I married a doctor, she’s extremely driven and also family oriented. I am now the sahp of 4 and we made that decision together. I was a chef, so now I run 10 acres, 4K sq ft, cook every dayc and my kids are ridiculously intelligent, confident, and thriving.
And the best part is that she’s an involved, interested mother so I also am not the only parent stuck where nothing ever changes. We alternate mornings for school, we share everything.
Some of the stories I read in this sub are so unfortunate, and sad.
moonflower82
New member
@daryle I am a nanny AND a mom, and being a mom is 10000% harder. I’ve even heard some other nannies saying being a nanny is harder and I have to shut that shit down because Nannie’s get to leave at the end of their shift.
What I’m saying is that I completely agree with you, SAHPs get shit on because people don’t truly understand the full scope of their work. Super messed up.
What I’m saying is that I completely agree with you, SAHPs get shit on because people don’t truly understand the full scope of their work. Super messed up.
withoutwax
New member
katrina2017
New member
@daryle I stay at home and work for myself. I get so guilty about being bad at being a sahp.
I’m building a business. When I talk to people in my field online (I’m in a couple discords), people will often remind me that I’m doing 2 jobs, which means they’re both kinda half-assed.
“But anything with doing, is worth doing half-assed.” Everyone should read KC Davis’s How To Keep House While Drowning.
I’m building a business. When I talk to people in my field online (I’m in a couple discords), people will often remind me that I’m doing 2 jobs, which means they’re both kinda half-assed.
“But anything with doing, is worth doing half-assed.” Everyone should read KC Davis’s How To Keep House While Drowning.
@daryle I couldn't agree more! My husband made $40k the year before I quit my job (I only made $10k; we kept my earnings low because we knew we wanted me to be a SAHM), and took a $10k pay cut due to the pandemic. I still got called a gold digger online for the mere mention of staying home with my baby. Baby number two is two months old now, and things are significantly better financially. I get it even worse now.
I honestly chalk it up to jealousy. People who are confident in and happy with their choice to balance work and parenting don't need to tear down those of us who choose to stay home with our kids.
I honestly chalk it up to jealousy. People who are confident in and happy with their choice to balance work and parenting don't need to tear down those of us who choose to stay home with our kids.
thedevolutionist
New member
@daryle literally just had someone hating on me on reddit saying stop feeling sorry for myself , try working in the ER and watching people die. all because i said being a stay at home mom was stressful. like dude , i think you should seek therapy. edit to add : my post was over 3 months old so i dont even know how the loser found it
jason10101
New member
katrina2017
New member
@daryle Completely unpopular opinion and I’m only speaking about myself and no one else..
I’ve been a sahm for over 18 years. No one has ever been negative about me being a sahm.
My mom & mil were both sahm, all my friends were/are sahm. Everyone has always been supportive.
I never felt like being a sahm was difficult. They say it’s the hardest job. I always said to my husband, “what about those crab fishermen! I get to control what I want to do week to week and not be working in cold wet conditions”
We watched “The Deadliest Catch” a lot lol
Were there moments that were/are stressful-yes.
I didn’t see it as a job. In my own head I felt like people saw me as I wasn’t doing anything/enough. When in reality no one ever gave me that impression or ever spoke a word to me negatively.
Reading it over it sounds absurd.
If my husband was working out of the house 8+ hours a day, aside from parenting my kids, I made sure things were done to completion, the house was in order & we had food on the table at dinner.
I never thought I was doing something great it was just what I was supposed to be doing.
My parents call me occasionally to just tell me what a great job I’ve done with the boys and they wouldn’t be where they are without me. I feel nothing. Nothing. It’s what I’m supposed to be doing and I still don’t feel like I’ve done that much when I’ve pretty much done a large part of the parenting. Again, another absurd thought.
I enjoyed being at home with my kids when they were very little and look back at those moments as something very special but I was also excited & ready for more freedom when they were both in school full time.
Being at home suddenly shifted about 4 years ago. I literally couldn’t be in the house anymore. At this point my kids were 11 & 14. I felt like I had nothing to offer people when they asked what I’d been up to. I was embarrassed when people asked what I did especially when they knew my kids were older. I looked into volunteering. I wasn’t going to the office a lot at the time because the need for me to be there wasn’t great but the very few times I’d go throughout the month I felt so satisfied and proud of what I did. This was not how I really felt being a sahm.
Fast forward to now, I’m out of the house 3-4 days a week 10am-2pm-ish volunteering in the same hospice admin office. I absolutely love it there. I feel so proud having an answer to “what do you do” or what are up to” now.
I’m sure where I’m at in life is just par for the course
There became a limit to how much I was cleaning & cooking. I was going crazy!!
I have no clue if this comment makes any sense or even relates to what the OP was asking but I just felt I needed to express it.
Thank you for reading if you got this far!!
I’ve been a sahm for over 18 years. No one has ever been negative about me being a sahm.
My mom & mil were both sahm, all my friends were/are sahm. Everyone has always been supportive.
I never felt like being a sahm was difficult. They say it’s the hardest job. I always said to my husband, “what about those crab fishermen! I get to control what I want to do week to week and not be working in cold wet conditions”
We watched “The Deadliest Catch” a lot lol
Were there moments that were/are stressful-yes.
I didn’t see it as a job. In my own head I felt like people saw me as I wasn’t doing anything/enough. When in reality no one ever gave me that impression or ever spoke a word to me negatively.
Reading it over it sounds absurd.
If my husband was working out of the house 8+ hours a day, aside from parenting my kids, I made sure things were done to completion, the house was in order & we had food on the table at dinner.
I never thought I was doing something great it was just what I was supposed to be doing.
My parents call me occasionally to just tell me what a great job I’ve done with the boys and they wouldn’t be where they are without me. I feel nothing. Nothing. It’s what I’m supposed to be doing and I still don’t feel like I’ve done that much when I’ve pretty much done a large part of the parenting. Again, another absurd thought.
I enjoyed being at home with my kids when they were very little and look back at those moments as something very special but I was also excited & ready for more freedom when they were both in school full time.
Being at home suddenly shifted about 4 years ago. I literally couldn’t be in the house anymore. At this point my kids were 11 & 14. I felt like I had nothing to offer people when they asked what I’d been up to. I was embarrassed when people asked what I did especially when they knew my kids were older. I looked into volunteering. I wasn’t going to the office a lot at the time because the need for me to be there wasn’t great but the very few times I’d go throughout the month I felt so satisfied and proud of what I did. This was not how I really felt being a sahm.
Fast forward to now, I’m out of the house 3-4 days a week 10am-2pm-ish volunteering in the same hospice admin office. I absolutely love it there. I feel so proud having an answer to “what do you do” or what are up to” now.
I’m sure where I’m at in life is just par for the course
There became a limit to how much I was cleaning & cooking. I was going crazy!!
I have no clue if this comment makes any sense or even relates to what the OP was asking but I just felt I needed to express it.
Thank you for reading if you got this far!!
@syndiseok I've been a SAHM for 12 years now, and my 4 kids are ages 12 down to 2. I am just getting that itch where I feel like I need to get a job or do something else. My brain needs more stimulation, and I'm losing my will to do laundry and clean the kitchen 3 times a day. But I'm still in the toddler stage. Your post gives me hope that one day, I'll feel satisfied with something I eventually choose to do, but it feels so far off. I wish I could just be happy and content at this moment because I actually love being home with my kids. It's the monotony of the housework that just drains my batteries. I was just talking with my husband last night about how I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life and he was sad that I don't feel like I've done anything with my life. And I think it's sad too. I want to feel like raising my kids is enough, and like I'm doing important work. But I do feel like when I meet other people and try to make friends one of the first things they ask is what I "do" and when I tell them I'm a SAHM the conversation ends, because I think (speculation here) they believe there's nothing to talk to me about and that my "job" is uninteresting. I need therapy 
.
.@mahucharn Find SAHM friends. World of a difference.
@mahucharn I completely understand the monotony of the cleaning & straightening..
I was never good about relaxing or doing things like sitting down to read or watch a show when I had down time. I felt like if I was home I should always be doing something. It was a constant vicious cycle.
We are all doing enough even though at times it might not feel like it or feel like our role is less important. I’m totally contradicting myself now lol but maybe reading someone else’s similar perspective makes me see things in a different way (I’m not even sure if that makes sense)
In a year or so maybe look into volunteering somewhere once your youngest is in preschool. I’m huge on volunteering. I love it. Even if it’s one day a week for an hour or one time a month for the time being, it’s something completely different and just getting out of the house makes a huge difference.
I was never good about relaxing or doing things like sitting down to read or watch a show when I had down time. I felt like if I was home I should always be doing something. It was a constant vicious cycle.
We are all doing enough even though at times it might not feel like it or feel like our role is less important. I’m totally contradicting myself now lol but maybe reading someone else’s similar perspective makes me see things in a different way (I’m not even sure if that makes sense)
In a year or so maybe look into volunteering somewhere once your youngest is in preschool. I’m huge on volunteering. I love it. Even if it’s one day a week for an hour or one time a month for the time being, it’s something completely different and just getting out of the house makes a huge difference.