I don’t want parenting advice from someone who doesn’t put their 2 year old in a car seat

[batman21]

I’m a FTM to a 9 month old. I really don’t know shit about being a mom, I’m learning as I go. I read a lot about parenting online and in books although I know that never beats experience.

My friend stopped over today with her 3 kids, we hung out for awhile and she asked if I wanted to go get coffee with her. My sons car seat was in my husbands truck, which he took to go fishing, so I declined saying I didn’t have a car seat. She said I could just hold him while we went, it would be fine, she used to do it with her kids all the time because they hated being in the car seat. Her now 2 year old doesn’t use a car seat at all because “he’s too big and doesn’t like it anyways”
I declined again, saying car seat safety is important to me and I’m not doing that. She laughed at me and said I need to stop believing everything I read on the internet, she did it and her kids are fine and I’m putting my son in a “safety bubble” whatever that means. She picks apart my parenting all the time, from me not giving my son bottles (he never took them and I’m with him 100% of the time so it was just easier to always nurse) to not letting him cry it out (just a personal preference) and usually I can just brush it off but this really upset me today. I’m usually very open to advice and try to seek it out whenever I can, but I don’t want any kind of advice or being told what I should do with my child from someone who doesn’t care about their own child’s safety.

Idk, I know this is all over the place, I’m exhausted and frustrated. Hope this rant/ramble makes some sort of sense lol

 

[christianrose33]

@batman21 You need a better friend. There's no one right way to raise your kids so stuff about bottle feeding or dealing with tantrums is really a family based decision but carseats are objectively important and proven to save lives. She's a fucking idiot and CPS should know she's not using a carseat for the 2yo, that's irresponsible af.

 

[premier3092]

@christianrose33 Yeah I have friends who make different parenting choices and whatever, but I feel like car seats are a universal thing. If you don’t use a car seat for your children under ~8 we can’t be friends.

 

[marie1960]

@premier3092 20 years ago a cop almost wrote me a ticket for my almost 5 year old not being in a seat. A 2 year old?? That’s not a “different parenting style.” It’s actually criminal negligence

 

[magazine1]

@batman21 I mean. She sounds like someone you spend time with but she doesn't sound like she's your friend. Are you sure she is a friend as opposed to someone who gives the bare minimum to keep you around so that she can try and feel superior in some way, and lashes out at you whenever her false superiority slips? (I had a friend like that once, if you can't tell.)

Either way, your instincts are spot on. The fact that she and her kids haven't died as a result of her doing this very stupid, very illegal thing should not be taken as evidence that it's safe, because it's not. She is bullying you and picking on you to get her own way and to feel better about herself, and you and your child deserve better!

 

[katrina2017]

@magazine1 Yup. I've known many people like this. My husband's sister was like this and has finally alienated her entire circle. OP, this woman is a negligent bully.

 

[celiat]

@batman21 She wants to feel better about her own shitty parenting, so she tries to tear you down. She sucks.

 

[savien]

@celiat Exactly. Don’t listen to this “friend”, she is not supportive or respectful. I am just winging this whole parenting thing too but CAR safety is an obvious priority.

Good job sticking to your guns and not endangering your baby.

 

[ken4jesus]

@batman21 The car seat thing, depending on where you live, is illegal and it's definitely always unsafe. Not just child services should be aware, the police should be alerted any time they drive around without using carseat(s).

 

[qdv80353]

@batman21 What the fuck? What country are you in?

If I had to drive up the end of out street like 6 houses I would use the car seat, wtf

 

[writeletters15]

@qdv80353 In my state, it’s ILLEGAL to not have a 2 year old in a car seat. Rear-facing car seat until at least 2 years old. Car seat or booster until 8 years old (unless your kid’s a giant).

 

[churchboi]

@writeletters15 I'm pretty sure every 1st world country has this same law.

 

[vprasadg]

@churchboi You'd be surprised, car seat laws are almost always way behind safety advice. The state I'm in has a lot of recommendations for car seats but very few actual laws.

 

[cjmyers]

@churchboi Eh, where I live (Quebec, Canada) it's 1 yo and 22 lbs legally, but they recommend leaving it rear facing as long as possible. (I waited past 2 years, but I know not everyone does.)

 

[churchboi]

@cjmyers Wow. In California you must be in a restraint (booster seat at the end) until you're 8 years old.

 

[cjmyers]

@churchboi Er, sorry for that. I meant that they only need to be rear facing for that long, which isn't in line with what I've heard best practices to be. There are also laws about how long they need to be in a car seat an booster for.

 

[reporter94]

@writeletters15 My 8 year old is pretty big (4’9” at his last exam in August) and he still has a booster. Honestly, it doesn’t hurt anything to keep him in one.

 

[myj]

@reporter94 Yeah the laws where I am are 8 and up, at least 4'9", and 80 lbs can be without the booster. Nothing wrong keeping him on one, but he should be good to go

 

[walwinter]

@reporter94 According to the sign in my pediatrician’s office, he should be fine without the booster now because his height should allow the seatbelt to fit him correctly now (I had this discussion with my SO because his daughter is too short to skip the booster but our state doesn’t have hard set rules for it).

 

[faithwalker007]

@reporter94 My friends 7yo is super short (like maybe just under 4ft) but shes way too heavy to fit in a booster (she no longer fits kids clothes). So shes just not in one. It always made me super nervous when we'd go places because i can tell that seatbelt doesnt fit right....