@laura100 Ugh, I hate the family name/carry on the bloodline argument.
At my partner's vasectomy, I mentioned us being OAD. The nurse was like "ah, you must have a boy?" No, we have a girl. We don't give a shit about having an "heir", but even if we did, it's 2024. There's no reason she couldn't keep her last name if and when she gets married if that's what she wants to do, and if she has children, it's not like they're any less part of our family just because she's the mother rather than the father.
@laura100 My husband was glad we had a boy so the family name wouldn’t die. Said if we’d had a girl he might have pushed to have a second. (Not the first time he’d said if x, I would’ve pushed harder for another).
Irony of all irony, our last name is Smith. So not like the name is really ever dying out.
@zionhouse51 Oh, that's FUNNY. My married name is fairly rare. We have a son. BIL is childfree, so our son is the last in line on this particular branch of the family tree. If he decides to have no children, or has a girl, that's it. Oh, we'll. He does have 3 male 2nd cousins with the same surname who might pass it along.
@laura100 I know men who took their wife's last name for various reasons. I also know lesbians with kids. The family name ending with an only girl is less and less a given now than in previous generations. And lots of people are choosing not to have kids. The family line continuing if you have a boy isn't a given.
I grew up with two siblings assigned male at birth. The middle sibling is transgender and may have difficulty having genetic children, and besides they want to have a child in their polycule (yes really) and there are like four other possible last names. The youngest is a cisgender man but has no intent whatsoever to reproduce.
There are huge assumptions being made when someone says the family line will end because and only because you have no boys.
@laura100 My father's surname would have died with me, being a woman, but I gave my son double surname. Not for my father, actually, but this is something I wanted. Can't your daughter, in case?
@laura100 I kept my last name and our daughter has a hyphenated last name with mine first then my husband’s. I’m pretty sure it pisses some people off but eh whatever. We still get mail addressed to us as Mr. & Mrs. “Husband’s first initial + last name” from his mom and other family members on his side, but from my side it’s always just both of our full names.
@laura100 I’m one of two girls. I married a man but kept my last name. My sister is marrying a woman and they are both taking my sister’s last name (same as mine). You just never know! Also, I am OAD and had it rough during pregnancy and postpartum. Everyone who is not you has no say in whether you subject yourself to that again!
@laura100 Solidarity! It can be so hard, especially when so many people assert that they know better than you when they have no business in doing so. All children should be deeply wanted by their parents, ideally, so only you can know if that applies to you.
On another note, I'm married to the father of my only and I kept my last name. My kiddo has my last name as their middle name, as well.
@laura100 In my country we have two last names. Traditionally you have your father’s first last name and then your mother’s first last name. You can choose tho. We decided my last name would go first, so even if she decides her first last name would go first if she has a child, my husband’s last name would be “lost”. We dgaf. Our families have given us bullshit about this, we do not care. It’s more important she has a lovely memory of her dad than a last name
@laura100 I still have my maiden name and my only has my maiden name- and I don't even like or speak to my family of origin! All these jackasses walking around in current year like they're Henry VIII.
@laura100 It’s hard because social norms quietly lulls us into thinking, without actually thinking, that This Is The Way Life Works. To deviate feels so wrong despite, IMO, it all being as Kurt Vonnegut said - everything is nothing with a twist. You do you, dude, joyously and loudly without explanation unless you want to.
@laura100 My husband never cared about that but now that my daughter is older and it’s obvious that what we said when she was younger, that we were done was true, my father in law has been pushy more about us having a boy. Like that’s something we can control.
@laura100 I just want to say that having an only child that is a girl doesn’t mean the family name will die. In the US changing your name when you get married isn’t a requirement. Your daughter doesn’t have to change her name when she gets married. She can also hyphenate her last name and carry her maiden name and her spouse’s name.
@laura100 Myself & my partner had a boy and he is his father's only son. So their surname should have "carried on". Only my partner doesn't particularly like his surname. So we have given our son his own surname. That means that everyone in our family (myself, my partner & my son) have a different surname!
