@underscorezero I understand the 12 month guideline, but that's when you have regular periods and no other symptoms that could point to something being wrong like, oh I don't know...no period since November 2022. I hope your new OB is better.
I don’t even know anymore
- Thread starter underscorezero
- Start date
-
- Tags
- trying for a baby vent
tormentedsinner
New member
@underscorezero Oh good! I always try and get female OBs. I think they’re more compassionate. I know some people would disagree but I’ve seen both male and female now and I’m glad I’m no longer under a male’s care.
underscorezero
New member
@tormentedsinner Good to know! Thank you! You’re so helpful 
phylliswong
New member
@tormentedsinner Good on your husband! I’m so sorry this happened to you!
@underscorezero I’m so sorry! Sending hugs to you! Your feelings are completely valid. I want you to know that you arn’t alone and that you will be blessed at the perfect time! Sometimes others just don’t understand how their comments can come across (especially if they never been through what you been through) I 100% think there should be illegal making comments to women about when your having kids or I hope you have a baby blah blah blah. I wasn’t planning or preventing my current children BUT when I started planning it just didn’t work in the time frame I wanted and that sucked. I experienced a chemical and suddenly felt so embarrassed I front of my husband. When my MIL mentioned she hoped we have more before she walks with a cane so she can take all her grandkids to the park as a joke, I didn’t take it as a joke at all. I thought about a previous termination when I was very young and regret some much, I thought about my ectopic. People can just be so insensitive to women’s bodies and health. It might be worth explaining exactly how you felt to your mom, it can prevent a lot of hurt later on.
You should give OPK and BBT a try. It might be a great next step to see what could be going on and truely understand your cycle better to get things lined up. Or maybe making an appointment for both you and your partner. Men can also have issues too and the doctors can make a plan to assist if anything comes up different.
Again I wish you nothing but the best and I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Sending prayers!!
You should give OPK and BBT a try. It might be a great next step to see what could be going on and truely understand your cycle better to get things lined up. Or maybe making an appointment for both you and your partner. Men can also have issues too and the doctors can make a plan to assist if anything comes up different.
Again I wish you nothing but the best and I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Sending prayers!!
@underscorezero I’m having the opposite problem. My mom keeps telling me I don’t need to have kids yet and I need to wait longer. I’m 26. I feel like I’m at the perfect age to start having kids and my husband and I are both mentally and financially ready for kids. My mom just doesn’t understand that just because she waited until she was in her mid 30s doesn’t mean I should. My parents are also in their 60s now and both in pretty poor health so I, unfortunately, know they probably won’t be around to see my kids grow up and her telling me I need to wait just makes me feel like she doesn’t even want to meet her grandkids at all.
elevangeliodehoy
New member
@underscorezero I’m so sorry. My mother keeps mentioning “soon when you’re pregnant” and it’s infuriating to hear. She just doesn’t understand.
underscorezero
New member
@elevangeliodehoy I’m sorry. That’s so insensitive. It boggles my mind that people who have had kids don’t get how it works
mygretgurl
New member
@underscorezero It makes me annoyed now when my parents/ in laws comment about grandkids. My mom has been giving me baby books for a year now 
ugh
ughunderscorezero
New member
@mygretgurl I’d turn around and sell them or just send them back to her. My mom has sent me links to books and said “So-and-so read this and got pregnant!!” Like what do you even say to that? I know my mom has the best of intentions but damn it hurts
@underscorezero This is so relatable!!!!! But I honestly haven't told my mom we are TTC. She probably assumes it anyway. I was in a bad accident in May 2021 and was advised not to TTC until healed. Was "released" last October from doctors to "live a normal life." And like, idk how to respond to people anymore. Like if it was up to me, I would've conceived July 2021 on my honeymoon (that had to be canceled). Although I haven't been TTC very long, it is so frustrating that I have my mom of all people making similar comments (she has 4 grandkids from my oldest sister..so why making me feel shitty?!?) when she knows what I'm going through. Like I regret telling her I was released to work, TTC and just live my life again....and her first response was, "When are you having babies?" I wanted to go back to work first and got gaslit for trying to get back on my feet financially first 
underscorezero
New member
@sugiyarto Omg right?? Ugh I think we have the same mom!
@underscorezero I literally was like "is this my sister?" 
which I do have 1 sister without kids, and she's older than me. And although I'm glad my mom hasn't bothered her too much, why do I have to be the one pressured and gaslit? (I'll literally take it all to save my sister though, my mom puts her through enough).
Is it too late to be adopted by understanding moms?
which I do have 1 sister without kids, and she's older than me. And although I'm glad my mom hasn't bothered her too much, why do I have to be the one pressured and gaslit? (I'll literally take it all to save my sister though, my mom puts her through enough). Is it too late to be adopted by understanding moms?
@underscorezero I am so sorry. I can imagine receiving that insensitive of a message would be gutting. It's so hard to imagine what she thought sending that message would accomplish aside from making you sad. 
Sometimes parents just say the dumbest stuff.
We were dealing with multiple losses and trying with no luck for quite some time and my in laws knew but started referring to their neighbors kids as their honorary grandchildren. It absolutely crushed me and now I can barely stand being around said neighbor and her kids.
Sometimes parents just say the dumbest stuff. We were dealing with multiple losses and trying with no luck for quite some time and my in laws knew but started referring to their neighbors kids as their honorary grandchildren. It absolutely crushed me and now I can barely stand being around said neighbor and her kids.
underscorezero
New member
@underscorezero You know, I never said this to my mom...but if she pulled that on me I'd say "F--- YOU!"
@underscorezero My mom has major leftover trauma from her own infertility to get me, and I had known PCOS so it’s no surprise trying to conceive is taking a while. I was prepared for this and understand that it’s going to take time to figure out, etc. My mother however is still so insensitive! It’s insane because you’d think she would understand. Nope, it’s almost like she’s annoyed at me that things are taking “so long” before we can do IVF. which will of course lead to us getting pregnant no problems. I was referred to a fertility clinic and getting a work up/medicated cycles within four months and she still doesn’t think I’m advocating hard enough for myself.
brentley4u
New member
@underscorezero You said the right thing to your mum, so well done there. We're personally having to deal with losing our baby while our best friends are expecting. Shit sucks.
underscorezero
New member
@brentley4u Oh that’s horrible. I can’t even imagine how hurt you must feel. I’m so sorry
@underscorezero I’m sorry, I get how you’re feeling. We conceived first try and then lost it not long after, it being my first pregnancy I was just so excited so I told everyone early, really wish I didn’t. It’s now cycle #10 ttc since, and we’ve had nothing. My mom kept asking me every month if I was pregnant yet, and was extremely insensitive in the way that she announced my sister’s pregnancy to me, straight after our loss.
I vented to her once about how I’m scared it’ll never happen, she subsequently told me it can take years, and not to be impatient. While that’s true, this is coming from someone who had four kids, all accidents except one, she has no idea what it’s like to yearn for something that month after month doesn’t happen. I ended up telling her we’re not trying anymore, just to get her off my back. It sucks there’s so few people who understand, I’m told repeatedly that my timeline is “normal” but yet no woman in my life took this long to have a baby, so there’s no one to relate to.
I don’t have much advice, I’m sorry, I just want you to know you’re not alone in this.
I vented to her once about how I’m scared it’ll never happen, she subsequently told me it can take years, and not to be impatient. While that’s true, this is coming from someone who had four kids, all accidents except one, she has no idea what it’s like to yearn for something that month after month doesn’t happen. I ended up telling her we’re not trying anymore, just to get her off my back. It sucks there’s so few people who understand, I’m told repeatedly that my timeline is “normal” but yet no woman in my life took this long to have a baby, so there’s no one to relate to.
I don’t have much advice, I’m sorry, I just want you to know you’re not alone in this.