I don't even have sex anymore

[emilywombat]

@catriona I have a hormonal iud. They have one that’s non hormonal called paraguard. I like mine. They told me paraguard causes worse bleeding and cramps and more people come back wanting it removed but I’ve also hear if you wait out the first few months - 1st year then that gets a lot better with time. So up to you!

 

[allmyhope]

@jewels77 We are trying! Being in the South, moving to a blue state is so cost-prohibitive right now and the jobs over there are not paying enough for how high the rent has climbed.

 

[cscotte]

@avonmora Im in MO and I feel about the same. Everyone around me says babies are a blessing no matter where you are in life, but I think if I were to get pregnant I’d not make it through the pregnancy, if you know what I mean

I know that’s a little morbid, but I already know I never want to have kids or be a mom for my own personal reasons, one of those many many reasons being mental health/illness. I know my mind and body would not be able to withstand a pregnancy, let alone raising a child. Frankly, I’d rather be dead

It’s really scary that we live in “the greatest country in the world” yet we have to concern ourselves with our lack of the most basic freedoms. We should not have to resort to abstinence, forfeiting one of life’s basic pleasures (sex) because we don’t have the bodily autonomy

 

[baconwizard]

@cscotte I feel exactly the same way about having kids, if I got pregnant it would literally be over for me

 

[secondccoming]

@cscotte I feel the same way.

 

[holly_ott]

@avonmora This is exactly what they want. Abstinence. While they get their side chicks pregnant. Insane that adults have to live like this.

 

[gordonpillar]

@holly_ott I’m married happily. But I never ever want to be a parent and they want me to abstain from sex. I’m in Texas as well and can not move out

 

[holly_ott]

@gordonpillar We spend a lot of time in the US cause my husband works there, but we're in Illinois. And I flat out told him I'm not living in a red state. Luckily though if anything ever should go sideways with a pregnancy, we're South African and our gynaes here will help.

 

[shahinshahadot]

@gordonpillar I imagine finding a doctor willing to sterilize you in Texas is pretty difficult too.

 

[holly_ott]

@shahinshahadot Drs in general don't want to I've found.. But I found a gay gynae in SA who doesn't hold the traditional "family" views and he also knows my family history and issues, and he said when I get to 35 and either have kids or don't want kids, I can get a hysterectomy. But only because of the issues the females on my side of family have that I inherited.

The government hospitals in my country are more willing to sterilize because they're trying to prevent women from having multiple children they can't care for who eventually need state aid. My stepsister was told it's time to sterilise after baby number 3 last year. There was also a scandal here about state doctors sterilizing young moms (school age) without their knowledge when they came in to give birth.
The government now offers free contraceptive implants too on top of the injection and the pill. They're really trying to stop unwanted pregnancies in poor areas.

 

[gordonpillar]

@shahinshahadot Yeah and honestly I’m not set on being sterilized due to a family member not being able to conceive I have brought up that I can and am willing to do that for them. I don’t want to take that off the table for someone who wants to be a parent that I care about. Hubby is working on his vasectomy but it’s barely covered under insurance since it’s “elective”

 

[cappylr]

@avonmora There are lots of forms of sex that carry zero pregnancy risk! Check out the risk lineup here. You could also pair your IUD with a number of other methods, like condoms, withdrawal, and spermicide, the buddy system, to potentially reach a level of protection you’re comfortable with. Heck, you could even have him wear a condom, keep his clothes on, and only use a toy on you. If that’s what it takes for you to be comfortable, there’s no harm in it. These are scary times, but it doesn’t have to take away your fun.

 

[colleen05]

@cappylr This so hard! I live in California where abortion is completely legal but I couldn’t handle going through an abortion or having a child. I’m on Nexplanon and use Condoms whenever I have PIV, but usually I just do oral. I still enjoy sex just with extra precautions. I also have spermicides and plan B on hand in case of an emergency where the condom breaks.

 

[malford]

@colleen05 If we had a flu vaccine as effective as nexaplanon we might have a handful of flu deaths world wide.

 

[forlovessake]

@cappylr With all due respect….. fuck this. If I want to have unprotected dick/vagina sex with my HUSBAND, I should be able to do that without fear of what the repercussions might be IF I were to get pregnant (despite birth control).

 

[cappylr]

@forlovessake Never said you shouldn’t be able to. I was addressing OP, who seems to have severe anxiety about this, and rightfully so given the very real repercussions present in their situation. I can’t change laws with a Reddit comment. Sorry about that.

 

[staley07]

@avonmora I had this thought too and im in CA
To echo another commenter, you can always double up with a barrier method like condoms! Mirena is over 99% effective, mixed with a condom your chance of pregnancy is extremely low.

Sending hugs. The state of reproductive health in the US is terrifying and stressful.

 

[sophiagregory]

@avonmora This is not a solution to the dramatic situation you and every other woman is facing in TX or other states with similar stances on abortion/birth control, but if you have a trustworthy partner, maybe talking to him about male birth control could be an interesting option.

I suggest that you look at the heat based method, more particularly the artificial cryptorchidism method.

Wikipedia page explaining the concept :

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat-based_contraception

Guide written by researchers of the field :

https://bacandrology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1007/s12610-012-0192-1

Press Articles :

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/contraceptive-underpants-are-a-piece-de-resistance-jlznbpkqm

https://adnamerica.com/en/europe/frenchmen-experimenting-contraceptive-underwear-women-reject-pill

https://www.theguardian.com/society...aps-are-we-any-closer-to-a-male-contraceptive

Studies :

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7995654/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S001502821648502X

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1623716/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12284770/

What it actually looks like on someone (TW - Genitalia) :

https://www.contraceptionmasculine.fr/la-methode-thermique-en-videos/

Q&A for the silicon ring :

https://thoreme.zendesk.com/hc/fr/categories/7006955787537-ENG-My-contraception-with-Andro-switch

Just in case, here are french ressources :

https://contraceptionthermique.noblogs.org/introduction/

https://garcon.link/la-methode-thermique/

French Videos :

TL;DR : it artificially heats the testicles and drastically decreases spermiogenesis, but it doesn't include actually "warming up" the testicles, it's just about raising them up into the groin area and using bodily heat. It is very effective and can be measured with spermiograms periodically. It has very high chances of reversibility as studies and users feedback point in that direction. It has an estimate of 10-15 thousand users right now and growing. It looks painful but is painless 99% of the time (can stretch the skin a bit the first days of wearing it, and some people have mild rashes that go away with lotions) and is not much of a burden : you wear it in the morning, forget it exists, and remove it when going to sleep. Very little side effects if worn correctly, like testicular shrinkage by a few percentages.

Anyway I'm sorry for you ... this is a shit situation and things need to change ! I wish you the best.

 

[bonner]

@avonmora It’s always scary to live in a place where if you do happen to wind up pregnant, even after you take every single measure possible (other than abstinence, of course), you are forced to live with that accident. You are forced to accept your fate, or go to extreme lengths (such as leaving the state or seeking out under the table care) to deal with it.

Fact is, there is no such thing as being 100% safe from pregnancy if you are having PIV sex, unless of course you’ve had a hysterectomy.

You could always look into doctors that are willing to perform a tubal ligation in your area (or travel to one if there isn’t), but that almost definitely would not be covered by any insurance.

I know given what you’ve shared my response is the furthest thing from comforting, but as a fellow Texan, I also share your dread. This state is so dystopian, despite us all having to live our lives pretending that everything is in order. I also have the Mirena and also do not want kinds now, or ever. I am literally in your same boat, and feel the same fear and dread.

All I can say is that living life in fear of a possibility is not healthy. The buddy system is extremely effective. The Mirena IUD plus a multitude of other contraceptive measures would make it so unlikely for you to get pregnant. Unlikely enough that you getting pregnant would be nothing short of an anomaly.

Also above all, as lonely as it may feel to be a Texan living in the dread and fear of pregnancy, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. There are countless women in this country who feel extremely deeply for the women such as us that are stuck in this dystopian society. There are countless people (men and women) who are willing to help women like us get out of extreme predicaments (pregnancy and no access to care). There are organizations, as many other have listed, that are willing to assist in any way possible to ensure that we are not alone and that we can receive the care that we have a right to.

The government may believe that they can strip us of our autonomy as women, but the citizens of this country who have to live with such disgusting crimes are willing to fight back. We must stay strong and unite, because that’s all we can do. The government has succeeded in making us afraid. Controlling our actions to suit their agendas, but we don’t have to cower. We are strong as a unit, and many. Don’t succumb to the fear. That’s what is wanted of us. Live your life in a way that makes you feel free, and believe in the power of yourself and the people who fight every single day to right these wrongs.

 

[j1favor]

@avonmora Same here. Fellow Texan. Can’t believe we are living like this in 2023.