@underscorezero I'm so sorry OP, I cannot imagine being that obtuse. I'm also 14 months in with two late first trimester losses. Sometimes I feel like it's weird that I haven't told anyone but I'm so afraid of shit like this. You did not deserve that.
I don’t even know anymore
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underscorezero
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estelle134
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@underscorezero OP, I'm so sorry you have experienced that. People can be so insensitive they don't realise. It stings more when it's people within your close circle.
Your feelings are valid. Don't be afraid to take a break from your mum or anyone who is dismissing your grief. I have been doing therapy since my mental health went downhill after my pregnancy loss. My therapist suggested being vocal about it for example, "I don't wanna talk about it" or "I'm having a hard time at the moment" and leave it like that. You don't have to explain. If they care about you, they will acknowledge your boundaries.
Trauma is not only something that happened to you, it could be something you've wanted for so long but it didn't happen. I see you and I'm here for you. I hope I can give you a big warm hug right now. It is lonely, and it's ok. We'll get through this xx
Your feelings are valid. Don't be afraid to take a break from your mum or anyone who is dismissing your grief. I have been doing therapy since my mental health went downhill after my pregnancy loss. My therapist suggested being vocal about it for example, "I don't wanna talk about it" or "I'm having a hard time at the moment" and leave it like that. You don't have to explain. If they care about you, they will acknowledge your boundaries.
Trauma is not only something that happened to you, it could be something you've wanted for so long but it didn't happen. I see you and I'm here for you. I hope I can give you a big warm hug right now. It is lonely, and it's ok. We'll get through this xx
@underscorezero You are so not alone in feeling this way. My mom has been a huge support system for me even though she has zero clue how I’m feeling. We’re going into our 11th month but also dealing with male factor infertility… I recently cut a close friend off after I shared our diagnosis with her, she didn’t acknowledge it and hasn’t checked in once in the months since, but randomly texted me Friday to say “I’m early but I had my first ultrasound today!” Like you know what, I just can’t take the insensitivity at this point. I feel your pain, I see you… I wish I had better words but I don’t because I’m deep in the pits with ya, just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Hang in there.
traceyeloise
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@underscorezero My mom is constantly saying things like “when are we going to have a two legged grandson?” (My parents dog sit my pup twice a week while I’m at work). She has no clue that my partner and I have been trying for over two years to no avail. It’s heartbreaking. I’m an only child and so is my partner, so the pressure is unreal. We know we are our parents’ only hope for grandchildren. And at 35, the clock is ticking LOUDLY to say the least.
underscorezero
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@traceyeloise Like, “Mom, I wish I could tell you”. I feel that pressure too, except I’ve got a huge family and only three of us are married and in a place to have kids so my aunts and other family members are always asking if we’re having babies soon. It’s wild the things people say and they don’t even think about how weird it is.
peninsulanazarene
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@underscorezero My partner and I have been TTC for almost 2 years and my mom is who i vent to as well and she literally does the SAME SHIT ALL THE TIME. Idk if she forgets that we are struggling with fertility or what the mentality is but it's so irritating. She will even mention grandkids in front of my man's as well and he just stands there awkwardly as well because we are literally trying all the damn time and he wants kids as bad as I do.
isaacateko
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@underscorezero Same, I’ve been with my husband for ten years and I every family function is so hard. We both are amazing with kids and have more patience then we need so children gravitate to us especially toddlers. It’s so hard being asked when will you have your babies? Honestly I’ve started being really honest and saying “Yeah, I want them and we’re trying but it’s probably not going to happen for us” to make them realize maybe you shouldn’t make comments like that since you don’t know shit. Yes it’s an abrupt answer but like what do they expect from me? I already have to act like I’m super excited to hear that 4 couples who’ve been trying to conceive for one cycle are pregnant…like I can’t do much else.
underscorezero
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@isaacateko Usually I use “when my body stops being infertile” and it shuts them up pretty quick. Like, stop asking those questions. People are too damn comfortable!
jumpingginger
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@underscorezero My mom knows I’ve been trying then casually (happily) dropped the bomb a couple weeks ago with “Oh, your cousin is pregnant!”. I know she didn’t mean any harm, but it still felt like a gut punch knowing that she’s been married for half the time I have and they weren’t even trying.
midnight_moon
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@underscorezero I suggest getting your AMH and FSH levels tested (these are blood tests) and will give you at least some info as to why you aren’t getting pregnant. I suggest seeing a fertility clinic instead of waiting and losing more time. I’m not sure how old you are but I waited too long and am not in the best position now to conceive without the help of a doctor. Best of luck to you
underscorezero
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@midnight_moon I’ve had blood work done and it says everything’s normal. I know I’m due for another one but it’s been busy lately!!
@underscorezero I'm so sorry. It's so disheartening when other people seem to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat 
underscorezero
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@underscorezero You literally wanna smack them! Like it just hurts to watch. My husband is trying to tell me to stop comparing and like I get it. We all would say that but it’s a lot harder to not feel anything about it literally surrounding you when everyone is like oops I sneezed and I got pregnant!!
@underscorezero Awh same with mine! I hate the "oops we weren't even trying!" It's like oh shut up 
I wish you all the best my love 
I wish you all the best my love jaroslawny
New member
@underscorezero I’m so sorry. At this point I expect people to say dumb things, some well meaning, some unsympathizing. I always forgive, but I don’t trust anyone except my 3 closest friends who have also gone through infertility.
I had a MC 2 years ago in late first trimester. We conceived on our first try, but haven’t been able to conceive since. I never bring it up. While I do experience deep grief on my bad days, I still have good days and a life outside of TTC that I enjoy. It angers me when people pity me.
Does anyone else feel like once you are TTC over a year, you can tell by the look in people’s eyes that they feel sorry for you? That’s the thing about TTC I abhor the most. I don’t want people’s pity; I want to laugh and have good time. I don’t want to be seen as “the woman with the issue”, I want to be seen as a whole person.
Of course I share my pain with my 3 friends, but they also understand since they’ve gone/are going through it too, and they see me as a whole person. I pray everyone here finds those friends because I wouldn’t make it through without them.
I had a MC 2 years ago in late first trimester. We conceived on our first try, but haven’t been able to conceive since. I never bring it up. While I do experience deep grief on my bad days, I still have good days and a life outside of TTC that I enjoy. It angers me when people pity me.
Does anyone else feel like once you are TTC over a year, you can tell by the look in people’s eyes that they feel sorry for you? That’s the thing about TTC I abhor the most. I don’t want people’s pity; I want to laugh and have good time. I don’t want to be seen as “the woman with the issue”, I want to be seen as a whole person.
Of course I share my pain with my 3 friends, but they also understand since they’ve gone/are going through it too, and they see me as a whole person. I pray everyone here finds those friends because I wouldn’t make it through without them.
underscorezero
New member
@jaroslawny Yes!! Since hitting the one year mark I feel like I’m seen as defective, to piggyback on your comment about being pitied. I think I’m just mostly calloused by now lol