I AM DONE!

[phatboi]

Sorry in advance for any spelling errors, as I am now 1000% FED UP with being treated like a child.
I (24F) have had epilepsy in my teen years. I'm currently trying to get off a good bit of medication while still being able to live a proper life. My mother on the other hand, still continues to treat me as if im 5 and acts as if she could do no wrong.
I have mo idea what I can possibly do except get my own place, (it didn't go well the first time), and the only way of me convincing her is if I tell my grandad(her dad) how I feel, how I crave more independence, etc because she doesn't question him. However hearing me and my opinions are taken with a very very very small grain of salt.
"Be back by X time", "Go to bed at X time", "Be up by this time " (I think you get the point) is all I ever hear and has majorly affected how I choose to live. All I want is my own independent life, not one where I have to share every goddamned aspect of it. Even now I'm facing my own door, listening for floor creaks, and typing this on my phone, because to my mom "You should be sleeping" and yet every other damn day she's out with a friend or talking on the phone until 3am.
TLDR; I know how to take care of myself, what to do if seizures come back, and now am EXTREMELY paranoid of "being caught past curfew"

Edit: Did I ever mention my 21y/o brother who lives in the same house, yet can virtually live an independent lifestyle no questions asked? Yea my little brother is living in independence and yet somehow I'm stuck being treated like a child.

 

[chess123mate]

@phatboi You can’t ask to be treated like an adult. What you can do is adult.

If you want to live independently, figure out what steps you need to take in order to do that, and then take them. No one pinned an “Adult” badge on any of us and allowed us to go be independent—we just went off and did it. So go do it.

Do you need more money? Figure out how to earn it/save it up. Does your mom have access to your bank accounts? Start a new one at a different bank that she can’t access and start depositing money there. Make an appointment with your doctor and talk to him about living independently. If you live in an expensive area, look into sharehouses or roommate situations.

If you’re worried that your mom will try to stop you or sabotage you, don’t tell her until you’re ready to move out. If you think your grandfather will support you, talk to him, but only if you’re sure he’ll back you.

Your mom will not magically change and start treating you better. If you want things to change, you’ll have to do it yourself.

 

[phatboi]

@chess123mate Thanks for the advice. I'm trying my best right now. I know my pap will back me up, I have to have one on one time with him to explain properly. I am a bit confused on the "seeng my dr" part unless you mean double check due to epilepsy.

 

[chess123mate]

@phatboi You mentioned that the last time you lived by yourself it didn’t go well, so I thought if you had any concerns about managing your condition on your own, it might help to talk to your doctor.

 

[phatboi]

@chess123mate Oh, yea I must've mistyped somewhere. No the last time I brought up moving out on my own I was put down a bit too aggressively. (I felt broken for a bit after the convo)

 

[chess123mate]

@phatboi Then I would definitely not tell your mom until after you have all your plans made. Figure out what you need to do, get your money squared away, find a place to live that you can afford, get your moving date set and a lease signed, start slowly moving out your things (move the important stuff, like legal papers and sentimental items, first), and don’t tell her until you’re ready to move out. Like, the night before. Or even the day of. Just say bye, grab your last box, and run. She can have a temper tantrum from a distance.

And don’t give her your new address, or she’ll show up and have a tantrum on your lawn. Keep her at arm’s length, and if she gets too awful, tell her you’re blocking her for a week and then she can try again. Next tantrum gets a timeout for a month, then two months, and so on. It will be hard, but you can do it. And life will be so much better when she’s not chipping away at your self-confidence all the time.