@megbot Write on a piece of paper, "I am SUPER MOM!" Hang it on your mirror. Give yourself the recognition for all the parenting and co-parenting you do every day. Keep doing an amazing job. Don't expect anyone else to give you credit; that comes from within, and parenting is a thankless job by nature anyway.
Show gratitude for your coparent. Gratitude is the antidote to resentment. Pick three things for which you are grateful, relating to your coparent, and write them down ("I am grateful that..."). Put them on the mirror too.
When you need a break from super dad, ignore him for a week. Do some self care. Refocus your attention on you.
@megbot I just put my day, my time, my life on a pedestal behind lock and key. So, no matter what anyone else tries to bring, it has to put forth a worthy effort to get past the defenses and up to my level. If it’s not wanted, positive, or necessary it’s going to be ignored or simply won’t affect me.
@megbot I gave up. We can't coparent. We can't communicate without him cussing me out for just existing. I just blocked him. And im going about life. He doesn't care to be in my kid life. I got tired of begging and asking. He rather play stepdaddy to his gf kids. Fine with me. My ex husband stepped up to take care of her and she knows him as dad. I secretly think she loves him more than me though.
@cbnoir I think you are describing My ex. He is blocked too. Zero communication. Our kids are 12 and 13. We co-parent well for years until he got this current girl who I have nothing against. We have been divorced since kids were toddlers. Well he made my daughter upset I asked him to respect my daughter and he replied he didn’t care what I had to say. I blocked him that day and haven’t talked to him. His family agrees with me that says it all. I find it so much more peaceful not talking to him. My kids tell me all the time that he is a terrible dad but they love him. Breaks my heart I chose him as the father to my world.
@deusartemlux Definitely understand. Mine is 1 so she can't say anything but she comes back hime fussy everytime. I didnt have anything against the new gf but it was the disrespect that pushed me to cut contact. Plus I know he not gonna ask for my little one because he doesn't care about her much. I was the ine begging for him to spend time with her. Last message regarding her I said I wont reaching out anymore. If he wanted her he needed to find a way to reach out to me. He hasn't tried. He can come to my house and cause a fuss but wont come and ask for my child. So oh well. He want kids that bad he can ask his gf to give him one or just enjoy being stepdad to her kids. We good over here. Sucks im pregnant with his second one. He hasnt even made any attempt with that one. My other kids dad is amazing to my little one. I wish we hadn't of divorced.
@megbot I assume it bothers you because he doesn't actually do anything but takes all the credit in public and people trip all over themselves to praise a dad for the bare minimum. I'm in that situation. Train your brain to not notice him or what he does. It takes time. Distance yourself from anyone that disrupts your peace.
@megbot I communicate as little as possible which really helps. I have a communications protocol I follow which helps as long as I follow it. I also have a countdown timer to the moment my child turns 18 and I’m free.
@megbot My ex does this too, not really much you can do really. He does it more when we’re around other people, I just vent with my current partner to get over it
@megbot Keep focusing on your own mental health and all you’ve accomplished so far. Don’t focus on his words, focus on the actions. As long as the actions are being done; focus on that. Trust me, I understand that anger when the other parent does the smallest thing and they act like they just solved nuclear fusion. BUT if doesn’t effect your child and this isnt going to harm your child in any way, then tune him out and focus on the facts.
Individual therapy for you and family counseling for you and your child.
I can’t stand my ex because of what he has done and who he is, but at the end of the day he still is my son’s father. And I don’t want to always feel this way, I want to learn how to cope with how I feel. And I want my child to be understanding and have the tools they need.
Regular parenting is hard; co-parenting is challenging.
@megbot Bitch about it to my friends. Especially other mom-friends, double especially if they're also dealing with co-parenting BS. I switched to parallel parenting for a while, because he overstepped from being annoying into truly being a cruel asshole. He's made amends a bit, so we're on better terms, but I'll switch it back if he falls back into asshole patterns.
Ultimately, it's about what is best for my kid. Ideally, co-parenting is what is best for them. But if interacting with their dad is so harmful to my mental health that it makes it difficult-to-impossible to co-parent, then it is best for my child if we parallel parent.
@megbot My ex and I share two kids together (14 and 10) but when we split up, they were 1 and 5. He didn’t do anything with us. Never asked me to marry him, never went anywhere with us, etc. when I had enough, I left him for food after 7 tests with him and he immediately got a gf. I was broken inside. He took her to the Bahamas after 2 weeks of dating and it broke my heart. But I learned that it killed gin if I showed him I didn’t care and in return, made him treat me better (like a oh no I lost her now what do I do) but I stayed strong and never gave in to him: j knew my kids needed a happier mom. I kept not caring what he did (as long as my kids were happy) and I did a ton of self love. I ended up meeting someone roughly 7 months after the split. My ex continued to tell me I wasn’t worthy of love and my new boyfriend would see my true colors and leave me.. just very hateful and jealous things. My new boyfriend reassured me otherwise. 3 months after meeting he met my kids and proposed to me. We got married within 6 months, I moved to indiana with him, we bought a house and we’ve been happily married for almost 8 years. Try to co-parent in what you believe is the best interest of the kids. Do not talk to ex about anything that’s outside of the kids. Also, you guys could try to go to mediation.
@megbot I removed my ego from the equation. My ex IS a super dad and is a better parent than me. It doesn’t ruin my day at all.
I could see being irritated if he isn’t a good parent and he pretends to be, but mine definitely is and he knows what he’s doing. I feel grateful that my kids have at least 1 kickass parent.
@megbot Coparenting is fictional. Married people don’t even coparent that well. Just love your kids and do the best you can. My ex is the perpetual victim and it’s so ridiculous.
@megbot If he is good with things that affect the kids… why give up. I wish my ex husband was good with kids issues. He always puts them last and is raising three kids with his live in girlfriend (kids that are not his) neglecting his 2 bio kids. It’s so bad even his mom fights with him about it. She does so much because she feels guilt. It’s not her fault. He only picks my son up from school and drops him off at home. I do morning drop offs. Never takes them on his holidays or weekends. Doesn’t know teachers names or doctors names. Gives 150 every now and then of child support. Some months nothing. Yes 150 for two kids. It’s not about the money. Although it helps. Usually I let them pick what they want to do with it. We have zero communication all goes through the kids. 12 and 13. Boy and girl. I used to cover for him the older they got the more they realized who he was. I don’t bash him they see it. He too thinks he is father if the year when buys a pair of shoes or a hoodie. Lmao.
@megbot Don’t give it power and focus on your own life, achievements and plans/goals that include your children.
If he’s doing a lot, excellent. It takes an army to raise children properly, and the more he does, the more you can focus on what you WANT to do vs. the needs he’s covering.
If you don’t like the “co” part, just switch to parallel parenting.
