I’m so tired of hearing what other people did/ are doing with their babies
- Thread starter charity78777
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- new parents vent
tonipraise
New member
@tonipraise Yup. There’s unfortunately some parents that take the “life’s over” ribs from people seriously. If your kid is fairly healthy, I understand there are situations where they may not be or have other issues, then get the hell of of the house and live your life. Go to do stuff, travel, whatever.
Every day I love proving my one girlfriend wrong who rudely told me at my baby shower “You won’t have anytime for yourself once the baby is home”. Just knowing she’s simmering when she hears my husband and I go out of town on vacation with our baby gives me a bit of joy. I’ll post about it on Facebook for the purpose of her seeing it lol.
Every day I love proving my one girlfriend wrong who rudely told me at my baby shower “You won’t have anytime for yourself once the baby is home”. Just knowing she’s simmering when she hears my husband and I go out of town on vacation with our baby gives me a bit of joy. I’ll post about it on Facebook for the purpose of her seeing it lol.
tonipraise
New member
@tonipraise That’s great!
charity78777
New member
@danmat777 We do take her places. Yesterday I carted her around all day to two separate family visits. I just don’t wanna put her on a boat or keep her out late or give her rice cereal right now and we want to wake up at home together on our first family Christmas.
@charity78777 Oh no I wasn’t saying you don’t or anything I was just disagreeing with the other person that it’s bad to do those things
charity78777
New member
@danmat777 I gotcha. I just wanted to make sure people are not reading this thinking we are agoraphobes and that my baby never sees daylight 
@charity78777 Haha that’s totally legit
keyslammer
New member
@charity78777 No. But in as much as you should be allowed to celebrate different milestones so should they. Context is obviously key but I think most new parents are just trying to survive and celebrate those wins. Everyone struggles in different ways so when someone says they went on a big trip at 3mo with their baby and yours is after a year it's not meant to be a reflection on you or your parenting abilities. It's a reflection of them and their unique journey.
I struggled with not being jealous too. I had a different journey from many but not most. A lot of our firsts came later. Like, the first time I bathed my daughter happened at 4mo. It's hard hearing about all the moms that got to bathe their children, hold them, go on walks right off the hop. I didn't get to do any of that. But that's not their fault and they shouldn't be made to feel they can't celebrate. Because they should. And I should. It just happens at different times and that's ok.
I struggled with not being jealous too. I had a different journey from many but not most. A lot of our firsts came later. Like, the first time I bathed my daughter happened at 4mo. It's hard hearing about all the moms that got to bathe their children, hold them, go on walks right off the hop. I didn't get to do any of that. But that's not their fault and they shouldn't be made to feel they can't celebrate. Because they should. And I should. It just happens at different times and that's ok.
charity78777
New member
@keyslammer I think the context of my post was misunderstood. I edited it for clarity. I’m not jealous of any of those babies and don’t mind what any other family does with their kids. I just don’t feel comfortable doing those things myself, and it irritates me when people insinuate that I’m odd or somehow depriving myself or my child because of my parenting preferences.
@charity78777 We get this, mainly from MIL comparing us to her other son and DIL. Baby won’t remember any of this and dgaf about them. Any access or anything is literally just about us parents and what we would like. Baby only needs their parents at this point and for a long while yet…
charity78777
New member
@nrg23 Thank you so much for reminding me of this. I have actually been reading lately about when children really do start benefiting from social interaction (I was thinking down the line of whether or not I should put her into a preschool program at some point) and it’s something like 3 years old. So I would think that applies to non-primary caregivers as well and not just other kids? And before everyone comes for me I understand that there’s a lot more potential benefit to having loving extended family involved in a child’s life other than just the child’s social development! But remembering this helps me cope with guilty feelings the grandparents sometimes give us by saying things like, “we don’t see her enough, she’s not going to know us! We won’t have a bond like I have with (my SIL’s kids).”
@charity78777 I would just roll my eyes at them. When they are itty bitty it is about the relationship the person has with the parents. Baby doesn’t know or care. The grandparents are just trying to emotionally manipulate/guilt you into more access.
MIL does the same thing…but BIL & SIL don’t want to raise their own kids (had them primarily due to family pressure/expectations/church rather than actual interest and desire) so MIL has basically taken on being their third parent. She’s livid she doesn’t get the same access to ours but she lives around the block from BIL and very far (although not far enough) away from us. DH & I wanted to have kids and actively foster relationships but parent vs non-parent roles are very different and non-parent roles in a child’s life are only at parental discretion.
It’s also never going to be exactly the same between different sets of grandkids anyway for a variety of reasons. Gparent emotional needs also come last-because again, baby only realllly needs their parents and we aren’t going to take a newborn on an 8h drive. Baby comes first. Gparent emotions are their own responsibility and while it can be disappointing when their expectations don’t match reality that’s their own problem, don’t make it yours. You don’t need to see someone all the time to have a close relationship with them anyway. My extended family feel very close to baby (even if I haven’t seen them in person myself in over a decade) because we involve them from afar. They don’t need to be in person or always with baby as an alloparent. There is a lot of genuine affection and not resentment because we respect each other’s space while still putting in effort. We don’t feel deprived or separated and as I had the same growing up, my relationships with more distant relatives have really blossomed with age, especially once I became old enough to travel and spend time with them.
Unfettered or a high degree of access to infants
is not really appropriate, especially in cases where people are pressuring new parents. It’s not no boundaries or no relationship, although reddit can polarize things that way. I’d just set the expectations and they’ll get over it. It’s a lot of unnecessary stress to be going over what someone thinks their relationship should be with your child…while you’re juggling recovery, job/school/parenting, etc. They really just need to lay off because an actual relationship is what develops later when they are more than an immobile potato.
Fwiw, We see my local family a decent amt and it’s 100% about the adults atm. We’re not keeping baby totally isolated but are selective and they are just there while we do adult social things. They don’t press to visit or press to have alone time with baby (but do let me know their level of comfort holding or being willing to watch of we want a break). They also get plenty of pictures and phone time. We see other people with kids too that are part of our friend circle and at this stage they just blink at each other haha
I think preschool can be great depending on style and kid. We have an eye on a 2, 3, 5d nature and play-based 2yo program that’s 3h/day and I think that is about right for many 2yo I know
This is pretty long and rambling for an early morning comment but I hope what I’m trying to say makes sense
MIL does the same thing…but BIL & SIL don’t want to raise their own kids (had them primarily due to family pressure/expectations/church rather than actual interest and desire) so MIL has basically taken on being their third parent. She’s livid she doesn’t get the same access to ours but she lives around the block from BIL and very far (although not far enough) away from us. DH & I wanted to have kids and actively foster relationships but parent vs non-parent roles are very different and non-parent roles in a child’s life are only at parental discretion.
It’s also never going to be exactly the same between different sets of grandkids anyway for a variety of reasons. Gparent emotional needs also come last-because again, baby only realllly needs their parents and we aren’t going to take a newborn on an 8h drive. Baby comes first. Gparent emotions are their own responsibility and while it can be disappointing when their expectations don’t match reality that’s their own problem, don’t make it yours. You don’t need to see someone all the time to have a close relationship with them anyway. My extended family feel very close to baby (even if I haven’t seen them in person myself in over a decade) because we involve them from afar. They don’t need to be in person or always with baby as an alloparent. There is a lot of genuine affection and not resentment because we respect each other’s space while still putting in effort. We don’t feel deprived or separated and as I had the same growing up, my relationships with more distant relatives have really blossomed with age, especially once I became old enough to travel and spend time with them.
Unfettered or a high degree of access to infants
is not really appropriate, especially in cases where people are pressuring new parents. It’s not no boundaries or no relationship, although reddit can polarize things that way. I’d just set the expectations and they’ll get over it. It’s a lot of unnecessary stress to be going over what someone thinks their relationship should be with your child…while you’re juggling recovery, job/school/parenting, etc. They really just need to lay off because an actual relationship is what develops later when they are more than an immobile potato.
Fwiw, We see my local family a decent amt and it’s 100% about the adults atm. We’re not keeping baby totally isolated but are selective and they are just there while we do adult social things. They don’t press to visit or press to have alone time with baby (but do let me know their level of comfort holding or being willing to watch of we want a break). They also get plenty of pictures and phone time. We see other people with kids too that are part of our friend circle and at this stage they just blink at each other haha
I think preschool can be great depending on style and kid. We have an eye on a 2, 3, 5d nature and play-based 2yo program that’s 3h/day and I think that is about right for many 2yo I know
This is pretty long and rambling for an early morning comment but I hope what I’m trying to say makes sense
@charity78777 My husband and I are going away to a resort in a large suite with our 8 week old for 5 nights this week.
Sorry had to say it, there’s a few pissy parents on here telling everyone stay home and be miserable forever. Gotta live life! Get out!
Take that trip with the baby, go out with friends while your spouse watches the baby, etc.
Sorry had to say it, there’s a few pissy parents on here telling everyone stay home and be miserable forever. Gotta live life! Get out!
Take that trip with the baby, go out with friends while your spouse watches the baby, etc.
@charity78777 Gahhh why are people like this??!!
I just say “no thank you” without any explanation cause then people can’t contest it!
I just say “no thank you” without any explanation cause then people can’t contest it!
@charity78777 I tell people I don't compare my babies progress with anyone else's. As far as examples like that. I'm tired on the one upping between parents. I'm glad you can do whatever example but when we're ready we'll be ready.
Stay the course.
Stay the course.