@marialavender As they say in the military, you are in the shit.
This is the worst. It's all normal - despite being a living hell. I had such a hard time! Incredibly rough and scary pregnancy, pre-eclampsia that didn't resolve from delivering, emergency c-section, carpel tunnel in both hands so both were numb for weeks and weeks, PPOCD, PPA, on top of existing chronic insomnia, colicky baby with acid reflux who wouldn't latch and would sometimes cry for 6 hours straight.
My husband had to stay home for several more weeks than planned. When he went back to work I was TERRIFIED. It was really rough.
That 4th trimester is something that a lot of us just have to survive. But you do! Take any and all help you get offered. Ask family, friends, and neighbors to come help if you need it. Ain't no shame. Every parent who went through a similar newborn phase will get it completely.
The good news is that despite seemingly standing still during this period, it not only gets easier, it eventually gets to be beyond awesome and magical. Six months is a big turning point. One year was a game changer and you will be amazed at how much less suck and how much more joy there is.
My son is 3 now and there is nothing I'd rather do and no one I would rather be with on the planet. He's so freaking cool and fun and sweet.
Hang in there. Talk to your doctor. Maybe get into therapy. Make sure you get at least one full hour a day completely checked out, off duty if at all possible. Get some mom friends - even if just in an online support group. Get sunshine. Take at least a ten minute walk outside daily.
Oh, and sleep when the baby sleeps pisses me off so much! I can't just sleep when I'm tired in the best of circumstances and when you have a tiny one, especially as a new mom, you wake up to everything. I saw a meme I loved once that said, "Sleep when the baby sleeps! Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry!"