I’m scared of my husband going back to work on Monday
- Thread starter marialavender
- Start date
@marialavender My kiddo had reflux and it made feeding (and after feeding) really awful. And all infants do is sleep and eat! Breaking the latch to cry does sound like reflux to me... I waited too long to take my to the pediatrician but you can do better than me and save both of you some torture if that's the issue.
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. Aside from the reflux idea, all I can do is validate your feelings and confirm that taking care of an infant is SO hard. Don't let all the congratulations make you feel too isolated and misunderstood and horribly unique.
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. Aside from the reflux idea, all I can do is validate your feelings and confirm that taking care of an infant is SO hard. Don't let all the congratulations make you feel too isolated and misunderstood and horribly unique.
marialavender
New member
@goose0612 Thank you. She has her 2 month appointment next week, I will talk to the doctor. I feel like she’s still eating enough because she has plenty of pee and poo diapers, but it’s just so hard to get her to eat.
I’m so looking forward to her getting older, and hopefully not crying as much.
I am also talking to the doctor because she has a few small bruises on her arms, and I have no idea where they came from. I don’t know if she’s pinching herself or what. But of course a google search says cancer. So now my anxiety is on high alert from that. (I have health anxiety for myself, I constantly think I am having allergic reactions or I ate glass/another foreign material.) And I’m scared of talking to the doctor about it and us being accused of abuse or something. No matter how upset I get, I would never ever take it out on my baby.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I’m so looking forward to her getting older, and hopefully not crying as much.
I am also talking to the doctor because she has a few small bruises on her arms, and I have no idea where they came from. I don’t know if she’s pinching herself or what. But of course a google search says cancer. So now my anxiety is on high alert from that. (I have health anxiety for myself, I constantly think I am having allergic reactions or I ate glass/another foreign material.) And I’m scared of talking to the doctor about it and us being accused of abuse or something. No matter how upset I get, I would never ever take it out on my baby.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
xxdanklutheranxx
New member
@marialavender Just a tip from someone who has worked in hospitals: do not ever google your symptoms. It never ever says "take a couple of paracetamol and you'll be fine ". It's always "you have a horrific fatal disease" or it's cancer.
marialavender
New member
@xxdanklutheranxx Google is the worst doctor ever lol. I really do need to stop.
@marialavender First, I am so sorry and all your anxieties are totally valid. However, it sounds to me like PPA. I had it so bad I wanted to die, and kill my baby. After going on meds it was like magic, those thoughts went away a few days into meds.
Please try and be honest with the pediatrician - they will have heard it all before and not judge you!
Also echoing all the others - I absolutely LOVE having a toddler and it is a million times easier and more fun. It gets better and quickly!!!!
Please try and be honest with the pediatrician - they will have heard it all before and not judge you!
Also echoing all the others - I absolutely LOVE having a toddler and it is a million times easier and more fun. It gets better and quickly!!!!
marialavender
New member
@seeker504 Thank you!
glendamarie
New member
@seeker504 Yup, forgot to mention meds as well for anxiety and depression, that helped too, OP.
katrina2017
New member
@marialavender I could have written this at the exact same stage. Seriously. I remember how hard and horrible it was. It's so easy to say from the outside looking in, but hang in there. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. It WILL and does get so, so, so much better. But it sucks SO much right now.
marialavender
New member
@katrina2017 Thank you. I don’t like hearing of others having a hard time because I don’t like anyone suffering, but I’m glad to know I’m not alone.
jadethree3
New member
@marialavender As they say in the military, you are in the shit.
This is the worst. It's all normal - despite being a living hell. I had such a hard time! Incredibly rough and scary pregnancy, pre-eclampsia that didn't resolve from delivering, emergency c-section, carpel tunnel in both hands so both were numb for weeks and weeks, PPOCD, PPA, on top of existing chronic insomnia, colicky baby with acid reflux who wouldn't latch and would sometimes cry for 6 hours straight.
My husband had to stay home for several more weeks than planned. When he went back to work I was TERRIFIED. It was really rough.
That 4th trimester is something that a lot of us just have to survive. But you do! Take any and all help you get offered. Ask family, friends, and neighbors to come help if you need it. Ain't no shame. Every parent who went through a similar newborn phase will get it completely.
The good news is that despite seemingly standing still during this period, it not only gets easier, it eventually gets to be beyond awesome and magical. Six months is a big turning point. One year was a game changer and you will be amazed at how much less suck and how much more joy there is.
My son is 3 now and there is nothing I'd rather do and no one I would rather be with on the planet. He's so freaking cool and fun and sweet.
Hang in there. Talk to your doctor. Maybe get into therapy. Make sure you get at least one full hour a day completely checked out, off duty if at all possible. Get some mom friends - even if just in an online support group. Get sunshine. Take at least a ten minute walk outside daily.
Oh, and sleep when the baby sleeps pisses me off so much! I can't just sleep when I'm tired in the best of circumstances and when you have a tiny one, especially as a new mom, you wake up to everything. I saw a meme I loved once that said, "Sleep when the baby sleeps! Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry!"
This is the worst. It's all normal - despite being a living hell. I had such a hard time! Incredibly rough and scary pregnancy, pre-eclampsia that didn't resolve from delivering, emergency c-section, carpel tunnel in both hands so both were numb for weeks and weeks, PPOCD, PPA, on top of existing chronic insomnia, colicky baby with acid reflux who wouldn't latch and would sometimes cry for 6 hours straight.
My husband had to stay home for several more weeks than planned. When he went back to work I was TERRIFIED. It was really rough.
That 4th trimester is something that a lot of us just have to survive. But you do! Take any and all help you get offered. Ask family, friends, and neighbors to come help if you need it. Ain't no shame. Every parent who went through a similar newborn phase will get it completely.
The good news is that despite seemingly standing still during this period, it not only gets easier, it eventually gets to be beyond awesome and magical. Six months is a big turning point. One year was a game changer and you will be amazed at how much less suck and how much more joy there is.
My son is 3 now and there is nothing I'd rather do and no one I would rather be with on the planet. He's so freaking cool and fun and sweet.
Hang in there. Talk to your doctor. Maybe get into therapy. Make sure you get at least one full hour a day completely checked out, off duty if at all possible. Get some mom friends - even if just in an online support group. Get sunshine. Take at least a ten minute walk outside daily.
Oh, and sleep when the baby sleeps pisses me off so much! I can't just sleep when I'm tired in the best of circumstances and when you have a tiny one, especially as a new mom, you wake up to everything. I saw a meme I loved once that said, "Sleep when the baby sleeps! Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry!"
marialavender
New member
@jadethree3 Thank you! I giggled at the last sentence, omg that captures how I feel!
jadethree3
New member
@marialavender And, don't worry about entertaining your baby. Comfort your baby. Feed your baby (I don't remember all the specific amounts in the beginning, but I feel like 3 oz is great!). You are struggling, so I wouldn't even bother with BF or pumping anymore. Baby got colostrum and several weeks. Plus, new studies have shown that it might not be any better than formula after all - even if it is, it's minimal and nothing is more important to your baby's well being than a happy mom. I know women who took their own lives from BF struggles. Getting back to baby's needs at this stage: Tummy time. Bathing once a week (do more if it soothes her just no soap because they get dried out easily and you don't want unnecessary dermatological drama). Sleep. Comfort. Clean diapers.
That's really all you need to do right now. I tried to be Mary Poppins and I laugh at myself now but I put wayyyy too much pressure on myself over something that makes zero difference in your child's development or your ability as a mom.
If you ever need to, please feel free to message me! I have been there!
That's really all you need to do right now. I tried to be Mary Poppins and I laugh at myself now but I put wayyyy too much pressure on myself over something that makes zero difference in your child's development or your ability as a mom.
If you ever need to, please feel free to message me! I have been there!
marialavender
New member
@jadethree3 Thank you! Mary poppins lol, yep!
Yes, I am thinking that I am at the end of my breastfeeding journey. It’s added stress at this point.
Yes, I am thinking that I am at the end of my breastfeeding journey. It’s added stress at this point.
jadethree3
New member
@marialavender And congratulations, mommy! You will get through this!
@jadethree3 This.
Hardest thing I've ever endured.
Be super gentle with yourself.
Sunshine.
And lean on family, a friend, or neighbour.
Hardest thing I've ever endured.
Be super gentle with yourself.
Sunshine.
And lean on family, a friend, or neighbour.
nyctophobia
New member
@marialavender This sounds like me, I had PPD/PPA. I’m so sorry, the fourth trimester is hell on earth. It sucked for like the first 4 months tbh, and even after that it was hard but I felt a little less hopeless… my only advice is to be in survival mode. One day at a time, and just focus on getting through each day. Eventually, time passes.
marialavender
New member
@nyctophobia Thank you. I just feel so overwhelmed.
On top of this, my grandma just seriously injured herself and can’t live alone anymore. My grandpa is struggling to care for her. So we are beginning the process of packing to move into their house, and we have to sell our house.
My grandparents’ house is filthy and they are kind of hoarders (restrained to their basement mostly), so we have to clean everything. Then they will be moving to my uncle’s house at the end of the year, and we will be buying their house. So we have to pack up all of their stuff and help them pare down their hoard, which will be extremely hard.
This is just going to be such a hellish year. I also run a business completely by myself, and clients are constantly bugging me about when I will be returning. I’m at the end of my rope.
On top of this, my grandma just seriously injured herself and can’t live alone anymore. My grandpa is struggling to care for her. So we are beginning the process of packing to move into their house, and we have to sell our house.
My grandparents’ house is filthy and they are kind of hoarders (restrained to their basement mostly), so we have to clean everything. Then they will be moving to my uncle’s house at the end of the year, and we will be buying their house. So we have to pack up all of their stuff and help them pare down their hoard, which will be extremely hard.
This is just going to be such a hellish year. I also run a business completely by myself, and clients are constantly bugging me about when I will be returning. I’m at the end of my rope.
@marialavender Oh sweetheart you have a ton on your plate right now. Talk to the pediatrician about signs of post-partum anxiety. If you are endlessly worrying about your child, it is going to be a gigantic drain on you emotionally and physically. Infants are the cutest and the worst. One day your child will sleep for 4 consecutive hours and it will feel amazing! It won't be too long before it happens. It often coincides with eating food instead of just milk. Sometimes if you get a consistent routine of eating and sleeping/cuddling, the baby gets used to feeling calm and sleepy. Instead of talking, try music. We have fun music for some dancing or rocking. Then we have soft soothing music for sleeping and relaxing.