@marialavender This was me! I think what you're going through is sadly, completely normal when you don't have family helping you. It's hard to raise kids on your own.
Three tips:
Around this time I started renting the Snoo and it helped a lot. I could place her in there and if she'd cry, I could let the Snoo do it's thing until it alerted me. It's the only smart bassinet that's safe to put your baby in for extended use.
Tell your husband what you've told us here.
Lastly, and maybe most importantly, don't stop taking turns with your husband after 5pm on weekdays and on weekends. Taking care of a new baby is way more mentally and physically taxing than a day job and it's way more important, too. My husband and I would split duties after 5pm and he'd take over baby duties at 8pm until 6am on weekday nights so that I could get a little me time and sleep (and when you're breastfeeding, that's even more taxing and means you need more sleep!). It was the best decision I ever made having him take the night shift. Yeah, he was tired sometimes for work but that's having a baby for you! I was able to get more milk and get a full night's sleep so that I could properly care for the babe all day long.
Just know it gets waaay better by month 4 and then even BETTER by month 6.
Work with your husband to get through this time - he needs to help you, too, now more than ever!
@ambiencerain37 Thank you! I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband, he knows everything and is very supportive. I am so much looking forward to her growing out of this difficult phase!
@ambiencerain37 I whole heartedly agree with #3. I feel like I see a lot of posts about “I’m so tired, I let my husband sleep at night because he’s working and I’m not.” Don’t do that! Take turns doing that part, being home with baby is hard work. Top that off with doing it while your mind and body are recovering from pregnancy, you deserve rest too.
@marialavender This sounds like me 1.5 years ago. My daughter was born Jan 19,2021. I was so unsure of being a mom. My husband had 10 weeks and was with me for 4 and then after mine he stayed home for 6 more. It was scary. She didn’t sleep in her bassinet. Naps weee 40 minutes. I switched from formula after 3 hard weeks of pumping and BF. It was awful. I cried and cried.
I know those feelings!! Trust me i had sever PpA. It will get better!! I promise! The first 4 months were so hard for me. Then when she turned 5 months things started to feel better. Now she is a year and half on Monday and is a joy! A complete toddler but amazing and awesome. And plays with us and the giggles. The first time you will hear her giggle will melt you.
You can do this!! If i can you can!! You are amazing doll!!
@marialavender Hang in there! It’s okay to cry. Sending you a big hug! Babies are hard. My toddler is hard but in way different ways. It’ll get better!! You are awesome!
@marialavender I had low supply, I stopped breastfeeding by like three weeks, it was taking way too much time to breastfeed, formula feed and then pump. I just switched to pumping and added whatever I could get for the day to his bottles, it was so much easier. There is also some evidence that even a small amount of breast milk is still beneficial for antibodies, allergens etc, so I didn’t worry about him only getting a few ounces.
My mantra during this time was “set yourself up for success.” It’s so tempting to just sleep as soon as you get a break, but before your husband goes back to work, make sure you have easy to grab snacks, maybe even do some meal prepping even if it’s just pre-making yourself a few sandwiches, water near wherever you sit with the baby, charge all your devices, have headphones available, etc. I spent many hours stuck under a sleeping baby so I tried to reframe it as “fun”- I watched some of my favorite shows and made sure I had my favorite snacks. It also helped my anxiety to have something to do to prepare.
@marialavender This was me six weeks ago. My LO was such a handful. LO barely slept 10 hours a day in total, cried all the time, and pooped 8-10 times a day when I had been told it should reduce to one time. At the 8 week appointment, I talked with the pediatrician and she told me I could try a probiotic. This was life changing for me. My LO was so much happier within three days of being on this. LO started sleeping more, smiling and overall just feeling better. I am NOT a doctor or telling you to put her on a probiotic, but to talk with your pediatrician at your 8 week appointment. They might have ideas or suggestions that might make your life easier. Now at 13 weeks, LO is sleeping 14 hours a day, laughing and generally happy while awake. I'm still getting 5-8 poops a day, but I don't really care since we're both enjoying life so much more.
I still have a lot anxiety and feel like I'm messing up all the time, but I'm not absolutely miserable and wondering why I did this to myself.
@marialavender I felt much the same that you did. My LO will be 12 weeks tomorrow and I have to say, after the first week home alone without my husband (who also had 7 weeks off), things started to come together. I too gave up the breastfeeding and pumping and it was a huge weight lifted, baby and I bonded more after some rough experiences but that also made me feel more confident. All this to say that you’re not alone, you will get through it and it will get better! And if you are OAD, as I am, then every difficult moment is eclipsed by the fact that this is the youngest and oldest child you will ever have so these phases will end and you’ll look back soon enough. Sending you strength and all good things!
@marialavender I can completely relate to what you said. I felt like this at first, too. Take it one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need to. Remember that you got this. Hugs. Good luck
@marialavender Oh, that sounds rough. Your stress and anxiety totally make sense.
If you're open to advice, this comes to mind: baby wearing. The skin-to-skin can help soothe her, and if you're open to trying keep trying with breastfeeding the body contact can (in some cases) boost milk production.
No matter what, everything is temporary and subject to constant change, and I hope your partner can help out when he is around!
@marialavender Listen. The fact that you're worried you're not doing a good job is the #1 sign that you are doing GREAT. Newborns are hard and not enough people talk about it imo. You will get through this. You just birthed a tiny human! You are capable, loving, and strong!
At this point my only suggestion is to just keep waking up and do what you need to do to survive. It's okay to be tired. It's okay to cry. But if you ever feel super overwhelmed or depressed, please reach out to your doctor! Ok?
