I’m scared of my husband going back to work on Monday

@marialavender I was literally in the same position and I just wanted to get away from it all. I was terrified of my husband going back to work after a month but trust me you get a hang of it and have a routine eventually.

Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs ever and no one else can be a better mom to your little baby but you. Hang in there I promise it gets so much better and you will sleep again. And give yourself some love and grace, this is you're first time! You'll learn as you go, it's okay to make mistakes
 
@marialavender Oh babe. I wish I could hug you. Please talk to your doctor about PPA/PPD. Yes all this stuff is normal and this age is deep in the shit but I feel like you may need some help too. Once I got my PPD treated and started Zoloft, I slept better too.

You’re doing a great job. Have you tried baby wearing? My son used to scream every day from 3pm to 7pm. It was seriously like clockwork. So weird. But the one thing that helped was wearing him and walk/bouncing around the house and outside of the weather was nice. And definitely talk to the doctor about her screaming when eating. Reflux can be a bitch.
 
@marialavender So at six weeks old my daughter's dad just stopped parenting. I was forced to do everything by myself. One thing I learnt was to give myself grace. If I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed out I would put my daughter in a safe space and walk out. It was fine for her to be crying. I didn't get a full night's sleep until she was 11 months old. She was up three times a night for a bottle. It was brutal and my mental health took a toll. It is hard and it is scary but remember to not be so hard on yourself and do what I did and give yourself grace. If you have any questions feel free to PM me. I'm always open to be honest about my experiences.

These days are the absolute hardest. My psych once said "the nights are long but the days are fast" and as a parent this is the one thing that has stuck with me. I'm currently dealing with a sick kiddo (she's always sick because of daycare) and the nights are long again.
 
@marialavender It really is! And it doesn't get easier it just changes. So you're going through the newborn phase which is so freaking hard, then the next stage will be hard but it'll be a different set of challenges and it's okay to have bad days. Nobody expects you to be on and perfect all the time. Enjoy the good moments too but also know that there are bad moments and that's okay.
 
@marialavender First of all OP, know that you are doing an incredible job. I have experienced so many parallels with what you are going through and I can promise you you’ll all get through this. My only is 18 months now and it has gotten easy every month.
I was afraid for maternity leave to end - I exclusively pumped and it was so hard. You are doing great to top with a bottle and ensure your baby is fed.
One thing that may help you is to wear your baby. Try a wrap like a sleepy baby - they are inexpensive and it was a game changer for me with a baby who did not any to be put down. It should help her to feel secure and you to feel more confident as you are into doing things with your partner at work.
Better sleep will come, I promise. I was so tired (pun intended) of everyone telling me sleep when baby sleeps. So hard/impossible at times to achieve. Hang on in there op, baby will start to sleep longer stretches at a time in a few weeks. I had terrible anxiety and insomnia and I found once my son was a few months old and sleeping 3-4 hours at a stretch - and I was no longer breastfeeding- I would take liquid melatonin to help me go out for that initial period of sleep after the last feed of the evening when we’d all go to bed.
I hope some of this helps. Just know that you are doing a great job and that your feelings and mental health are of utmost importance - so don’t be afraid to do what you need to make life easier where you can. Sending hugs and solidarity.
 
@marialavender I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so much stress and sadness- it’s hard to handle big emotions anyways, much less when you’re sleep deprived and have another person depending on you 24/7!

So many others have offered helpful anecdotes, empathy, and advice! I wanted to additionally suggest therapy, or at least talking to your baby’s pediatrician at your next appointment. They are supposed to be, and often actually are, equipped with local resources to point you to for support.

If you have the financial access and they exist in your area, I also recommend finding a postpartum doula. They can help you manage all of the things you mentioned in the daytime, including giving you time to just step away and shower or nap. They often prepare food, do light cleaning, and can give you support and advice on lactation/feeding the baby- especially the unlatching/arching/crying behavior you described, and they provide emotional support and expertise on the hormonal process of postpartum as well as having seen plenty of people through this same thing.
Many postpartum doulas even offer overnight support! Especially in situations like yours in which it sounds like sleep deprivation and exhaustion are heavily affecting your overall state, postpartum doulas can help you get at least one full night’s sleep or as many as you need/can afford!

You are also welcome to DM me- I’m a postpartum doula and would love to offer whatever I can to help. (I don’t charge for this kind of support. I don’t believe anyone should be left in the dark).

You will get through this! I believe everyone here is rooting for you.
 
@marialavender Sending you hugs I felt the same except mine had to go back three weeks and I had c section as sahm with 0 village . My husband cared for her on his own on first three weeks so I had to learn everything when he went back to work my scar was so painful.

My biggest tip is on weekend swap with husband he dose child stuff and while you house chores . Even doing house chores was break from
My baby .

We did night sleep shift. My husband would sleep early for work while I slept late. He would get up 4 ish to
Take her for
Few hrs so I can at least get 3 -5 hrs of uninterrupted sleep ( depending on his meeting start time)

Baby wearing also helps and if you have abit money to spare buy any gadget that would help we had two baby swings on each floor and snoo. It was worth every penny. Also hire help to clean and get take out delivery of frozen food to make life easier . It won’t be permeant you just need to get through the phrase. At 6 months it was drastically easier and at one year now it is so much better so much once they can walk etc
 
@marialavender Please do not be afraid to talk to your doc about medication. I had pretty bad PPD, and went on Lexapro shortly after my kid was born, which was super helpful. I know that Lexapro can also be used for anxiety. And I was a mess when my husband went back to work. I had milk supply issues, so I was nursing and pumping all the time, and like you, could not sleep when my kid did, as I'm a really bad daytime sleeper.

Another thing that helped me maintain sanity was getting out of the house regularly. We lived in Northern California, and I got into the habit of wearing my kid in a carrier and taking my dogs out for a good long walk every day. Of course, I know it's summer so it's hot, so that may not be possible for you, but if your climate allows it, get outside! We also found a used BOB hiking stroller for when my kid was older and heavier!
 
@marialavender The first 2 months for me were by far THE hardest. I vividly remember my husband taking our son from my arms and resuming the path up and down the hallway as kiddo screamed his lungs out for hours on end. I slumped to the floor and sobbed. At that moment, if I'd been able to time travel, I'd have gone back to pre-pregnancy me and slapped her stupid and made sure she'd never do this utterly harebrained thing.

Sleep deprivation does seriously bad things to your brain. It makes you think you're shit at stuff, or that you're an awful person, when you're not.

hugs
 
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