I’m 4.5 months in and it’s still hard.

grace4us

New member
It’s still hard. All of it. Feeding them. Getting them to sleep. I feel like I’m still barely functioning. I’m not giving enough attention to them or absolutely anyone else. Ready for this to get easier. So far, twins pretty much sucks. But then I feel so guilty for feeling like that. And they are so sweet and I love them very much. 😔
 
@grace4us Our oldest is 4 and our twins are a little over 2. The extra toddler adds some complication, but things didn't start feeling manageable for one adult pretty regularly until after the twins were 18 months old. Even then, it's not always that things are easier, they're just different. We've got friends With twins that are now in high school and they told us multiple times that the magic age for things really easing up was around 4 years old. Based on where things sit with our oldest, that feels very reasonable.

There are definitely moments now where everyone plays together nicely, but it takes a long time for toddlers to understand regular kind play with one another and sharing.

Don't be overly self critical, raising multiples is an incredible challenge that no one else gets. Parenting is relentless already and doing it with multiples is dialing it up to extra difficult. If you can carve out some predictable time for self care, even if it's just 30 minutes 5 or more days a week, that went a long way to keeping things positive for my partner and I.

The first 7 weeks were the hardest time that we've ever been through in our lives, but the improvement was so gradual, we often lost track of what had become "easier" than it used to be. You've already accomplished so much getting to this point, and you'll get to some really fun milestones soon that help with the parent child bonding immensely!
 
@mystifiedk 18 months, 12 to go.. excuse me while I go cry in the restroom and abandon my spouse to taking care of the twins by himself while I compose myself.
 
@grace4us Sweet mama I hear you. It is hard. It gets easier. Then it gets hard again. Mine g/b twins are going to their first middle school dance tonight but I remember how it was when they were 4 months old. I gotta say, they were sweeter back then…and they smelled better. 😊 You’re in the trenches right now, but you won’t be forever! Hang in there. Be kind to yourself! Sending love and strength your way!
 
@grace4us Im having a pity party myself today as well. We’re at 5 years old, boy/girl and I’m so fucking over it. I could have done the new born phase forever (not literally but I was good at it and I worked so I got out of the house. I am mom btw) but I’m fucking done with the fighting and the screaming. If I never have to play candy land again, I’d be so happy. The last 3 days have been particularly nasty for some reason. Just over the top screaming when they don’t get their way. I’m usually the strong one, emotionally, but my husband is coming in strong for me. Just bundled them both to the park so now I can go do chores in peace. Still can’t do anything I want to do, this is a life of unending service but at least no one will scream at me while I do it or guilt trip me about not wanting to pretend to be a mommy cat to their GD fursonas.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Your kids will have many phases to them. Hopefully, you’ll be better suited to the later ones. I REALLY enjoyed 12-18 months. So cute, don’t know how to talk back yet. A handful to be sure but the emotional toll of their giant fucking feelings at 3-5 is destroying me.

We just gotta ride the waves and hope the next one is our kinda ride. Stay strong.
 
@michelett We’re borderline fun territory! They are interacting with toys, laughing, etc. we’re looking forward to when they’ll be able to sit up and be able to use the high chair so we can eat at the table again and not the couch!
 
@savedbygrace781 Can confirm once the twins ate more solids at 6 months, they were sleeping (mostly) through the night

Our daughter is a great sleeper and slept through the night and our son wakes up once or twice through the night. Better than 3-4 times
 
@grace4us My experience was it gets a bit better every month, and noticeably easier every 3 months. The first six months are especially rough. At around 18mo it started feeling manageable for me.

The thing to remember is that EVERYONE is getting better - the kids start taking care of themselves more and more (starts with just holding their own bottles, feeding themselves etc), but even you are getting better. What you have on singleton parents is that you HAVE to get better at it so you do. You're becoming a super parent and you probably don't even realize it.

You got this.

Parents of older twins say how it's actually easier once they are grade school since they have a built in playmate at all times, and you never have to worry about taking one to elementary school and the other to middle school.
 
@grace4us Hi!

I’m almost two years in and I just started feeling like I’m not in survival mode anymore and can breathe.

Take it one day at a time. It will pass. This is hard and you shouldn’t feel guilty for not enjoying a difficult time.
 
@grace4us Hey there, I felt a slight improvement around 12 weeks, a bigger one at 6 months, and a HUGE improvement at a year. We're almost at 2 years now and it's continued to improve. Everyone's timeline is different so I can't promise when, but it WILL get better.
 
Back
Top