@untilthewholeworldhears It was one of the few moments of conception, pregnancy, birth, etc. where I felt like I really had it handled/the way I wanted/etc. When I got to the hospital I heard a woman moaning like an injured animal and when I tell you i SKIPPED OFF to listen to a podcast and wait for the doctor to come get me...
How unlucky was I?
- Thread starter daphne1
- Start date
untilthewholeworldhears
New member
@qody Haha, you could have been listening to me! I feel
So bad for anyone in the room next to me! Good for you! And seriously, my recovery was way faster than a neighbor who had a bad tear. I did not understand the complications with a vaginal delivery going into it. And finally, in case anyone takes this advice… the c-section was traumatic, but mostly because I didn’t plan on it. If I mentally went in knowing what was happening I think it would have been way different than going in after 24 hours and no sleep. I threw up, had the labor shakes, heard them talking about how he still couldn’t come out because after all of the pushing he was wedged in my pelvis. Listen to a podcast and skip into the room… yes, please!
So bad for anyone in the room next to me! Good for you! And seriously, my recovery was way faster than a neighbor who had a bad tear. I did not understand the complications with a vaginal delivery going into it. And finally, in case anyone takes this advice… the c-section was traumatic, but mostly because I didn’t plan on it. If I mentally went in knowing what was happening I think it would have been way different than going in after 24 hours and no sleep. I threw up, had the labor shakes, heard them talking about how he still couldn’t come out because after all of the pushing he was wedged in my pelvis. Listen to a podcast and skip into the room… yes, please!
@daphne1 Taking just one of your points (ie perineal tear). Tears are less likely in subsequent births overall however if you had one in your first, you have a higher risk for your second and it’s more likely to be worse. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/07/140709095923.htm
I had 2nd degree for first and 3rd for 2nd so personal experience also in alignment with the study.
I had 2nd degree for first and 3rd for 2nd so personal experience also in alignment with the study.
laowaiphil
New member
@daphne1 I’m so sorry you went through this. Do you mind if I ask a couple of questions that would help me know what research to point you to? Specifically, how many weeks gestation were you when PROM occured? Was there any reason you know of that caused PROM? Did you have any other complications during pregnancy? And crucially, how is your mental health now - do you feel like you have a support system in place and your PPD is being managed?
@fleckphan I was 38+2, with no complications. The only thing I can think of that might have caused PROM was that I had been doing a fair amount of walking - not like Olympic levels, just more than enough to tire me out.
My mental health is not in a great place tbh. I’m trying to access appropriate care, but it’s not easy where I am and I don’t have the budget to pay for private therapy indefinitely. I don’t have a big network where I am, and none of my friends (who mostly live far away) have kids.
My mental health is not in a great place tbh. I’m trying to access appropriate care, but it’s not easy where I am and I don’t have the budget to pay for private therapy indefinitely. I don’t have a big network where I am, and none of my friends (who mostly live far away) have kids.
@daphne1 Since you don’t have much funding for therapy I highly recommend a therapist who specializes in using EMDR for PTSD. You can make an incredible amount of progress in just a few sessions, especially because the trauma you endured was a single incident so they can pinpoint the event more quickly. I am so sorry for what you’ve been through. Even if you don’t choose to have a second, it could really help to work through that trauma.
jackjohnson1
New member
@daphne1 I had different issues than you with my first birth (2 weeks overdue, needed pitocin after 30+ hours with no progression, retained placenta and postpartum hemorrhage) but literally none of those things happened in my second birth. It still took forever, but 30 hours seemed short compared to 52. 
@funmilayo I’m happy to read you didn’t have retained placenta the second time around as I had been told you are at increased odds if you have had it before. I had retained placenta removed 9 days PP and it was hell.
@ironicall I was also told there was an increased risk, but no it didn’t happen! With me the entire thing was retained, like it wouldn’t come out at all 
so they removed it manually about 2 hours after I gave birth. Luckily I had an epidural so I could tolerate them just doing it by hand and didn’t have to go to an operating theatre.
Then with my second birth they knew that I was at higher risk because of my first, so they were super careful to examine my placenta to make sure the whole thing had come out. So I think for you, it’s also super unlikely that you’d retain a small piece without them noticing right away - they’ll also check your placenta very carefully since they know you’re at risk. But yeah, it was not a great experience, and I can only imagine how scary it would be if it hadn’t been found for nine days!
so they removed it manually about 2 hours after I gave birth. Luckily I had an epidural so I could tolerate them just doing it by hand and didn’t have to go to an operating theatre.Then with my second birth they knew that I was at higher risk because of my first, so they were super careful to examine my placenta to make sure the whole thing had come out. So I think for you, it’s also super unlikely that you’d retain a small piece without them noticing right away - they’ll also check your placenta very carefully since they know you’re at risk. But yeah, it was not a great experience, and I can only imagine how scary it would be if it hadn’t been found for nine days!
@funmilayo Thanks for sharing!! I’m glad they took extra precautions. That’s all I’m hoping for my next one - fully examining the placenta and making sure it’s in tact/complete. It’s funny because I literally remembering them showing my my placenta after I delivered it and like, it looked full and big and complete. Had no inclination at all it didn’t fully come out until I was hemorrhaging blood a few days later…
@ironicall Must have been terrifying, I’m glad you’re ok! Your medical team will definitely take extra precautions to make sure that if it happens again, that it won’t go unnoticed. They also for example made sure I had two lines in as soon as I came in to give birth. You could ask what their procedure will be for you at an earlier appointment. It’s nerve wracking to go into labor when the first experience was so shitty, and I wish I’d known in advance that they’d have some extra procedures in place for me because of my history. It would have been reassuring!
@daphne1 I had a somewhat similar experience with my first. 30 hours of labor, stopped progressing and added pitocin, baby started turning and after 4 hours of pushing went in for an emergency CS. Also, my milk never came in (and same - tried power pumping with hospital grade pump, all the supplements, etc).
I am now pregnant with our second via IVF and am seeing a therapist this time around to get ahead on my anxiety around not just birth, but the recovery and a plan for if my milk once again doesn’t come in. Birth and recovery were very hard, and covid shut everything down soon after he was born, so I didn’t get the help I needed last time. I unfortunately have not come across any studies really helping me feel one way or another about this, but I am planning on discussing a planned c-section this time and digging into the pros and cons (I have several months to decide still). Anyway, sorry I can’t point you to anything to help, but know you aren’t alone!
I am now pregnant with our second via IVF and am seeing a therapist this time around to get ahead on my anxiety around not just birth, but the recovery and a plan for if my milk once again doesn’t come in. Birth and recovery were very hard, and covid shut everything down soon after he was born, so I didn’t get the help I needed last time. I unfortunately have not come across any studies really helping me feel one way or another about this, but I am planning on discussing a planned c-section this time and digging into the pros and cons (I have several months to decide still). Anyway, sorry I can’t point you to anything to help, but know you aren’t alone!
@daphne1 I had a similar situation with my first. PROM, 25 hours of labour, stopped progressing around hour 15 so they upped the pitocin to the max, epidural did not completely work so I felt every contraction almost the whole time, and it ended with an emergency c-section.
I was scared to death when I got pregnant with my second and it was a completely different experience! I had none of the adverse events of my first, except another c-section because he turned and was breach. But up until that point my labour was actually a dream with him!
I was scared to death when I got pregnant with my second and it was a completely different experience! I had none of the adverse events of my first, except another c-section because he turned and was breach. But up until that point my labour was actually a dream with him!
biblefollower
New member
@daphne1 I had a similar experience to you. PROM, labor augmented by pitocin & another drug, extremely painful 2-minute apart contractions early on despite virtually no dilation, plus the contractions were in a very strange place due to her position, chorioamnionitis (had to get IV antibiotics during pushing), 4 solid hours of pushing, my daughter came out grey with the cord wrapped around her neck so they couldn’t delay cord clamp or give her to me immediately, and of course prolapse. Plus my milk came in late, she lost too much weight and got jaundice.
I dealt with really hard emotions for the first month and wished I could turn back time to when she was in my body & things were easier. And I longed to be able to “redo” labor and have a better experience (I thought maybe it was my fault things went the way they did). I didn’t think I could ever want another kid again after that (and I’ve always wanted multiple kids). But after that first month it slowly started getting better. One thing that helped was writing out my birth story and sharing it with people. But mostly just time, which allowed my hormones to settle down and for us to settle into a routine (and for her to sleep better at night).
She’s 16 months now and I don’t feel traumatized by my experience, haven’t for a while. Oh, and I did PT for my prolapse; at this point I rarely feel it, though I know it’s still there and always will be (supposedly prolapses don’t get worse during subsequent pregnancies, but will likely become symptomatic again and need more PT). I’m about to start trying for baby #2 and super excited!
I dealt with really hard emotions for the first month and wished I could turn back time to when she was in my body & things were easier. And I longed to be able to “redo” labor and have a better experience (I thought maybe it was my fault things went the way they did). I didn’t think I could ever want another kid again after that (and I’ve always wanted multiple kids). But after that first month it slowly started getting better. One thing that helped was writing out my birth story and sharing it with people. But mostly just time, which allowed my hormones to settle down and for us to settle into a routine (and for her to sleep better at night).
She’s 16 months now and I don’t feel traumatized by my experience, haven’t for a while. Oh, and I did PT for my prolapse; at this point I rarely feel it, though I know it’s still there and always will be (supposedly prolapses don’t get worse during subsequent pregnancies, but will likely become symptomatic again and need more PT). I’m about to start trying for baby #2 and super excited!
godsgatekeeper
New member
@biblefollower Mad respect. You did everything you could and your body went through a LOT to deliver that baby, and you then did everything you could to care for your body and mind in recovery 
Here's hoping for a smooth and boring experience with baby # 2!
Here's hoping for a smooth and boring experience with baby # 2!
biblefollower
New member
@godsgatekeeper Thank you! So kind of you to say
@daphne1 I had a very very similar first experience to you. I was told by an OB and multiple midwives that it was unlikely to be like that for my second. Only it was. And when it finally came time to push after two hours they determined she wasn’t coming out that way and we ended up delivering via cesarean. (Which was good since she wrapped herself up so much in her chord she had no room for me to push her out!). Oddly enough that recovery wasn’t as bad as the third degree tear from my first! It’s truly impossible for any provider to tell you for sure the second won’t be the same. It can sometimes just be how our bodies do things.
I had the same issue with my milk the first time around and I was so confused and upset because extended breastfeeding was my dream. Second time around I finally had a lactation consultant ask to examine me and it turns out I don’t have the “normal” amount of milk ducts, my breasts are full of fatty tissue. It’s mostly genetic but it’s not as uncommon as lactivists make you think.
I had the same issue with my milk the first time around and I was so confused and upset because extended breastfeeding was my dream. Second time around I finally had a lactation consultant ask to examine me and it turns out I don’t have the “normal” amount of milk ducts, my breasts are full of fatty tissue. It’s mostly genetic but it’s not as uncommon as lactivists make you think.