How unlucky was I?

[broaz]

@daphne1 Anecdote: I had nearly all the complications you did with my first delivery, and added, things looking pretty dicey in the NICU for a few hours - baby had a collapsed lung and lack of reflexes. But he recovered fine (they still don’t know what was wrong with his reflexes ) and I did too. My second I pushed for 15 minutes instead of 3.5 hours you don’t have to decide right now how you feel about another, let yourself heal

 

[kimberlytruth]

@daphne1 Thank you for asking this. Our first baby is nine weeks old, and more than one doctor described the pregnancy/delivery/postpartum with profanities. We’re also reevaluating our family size in the aftermath. I’ll be reading here to see how others assessed this. I wish you the best!

 

[goodwill]

@daphne1 The complicating factor is all these things were probably linked. It's not like "what are the chances of being hit by a car and having low supply.

Your labour didn't progress so you had to have pitocin. The pitocin meant that you had to have an epidural. The epidural probably contributed to hours of pushing, and that could also be linked to an uncooperative cervix or a baby in the wrong position or various other factors that were being the lack of progress initially.

The birth contributes to the ppd, etc etc.

My friend had a bad first birth, went in for excruciating contractions, sent home as not progressing a couple of times. Eventually seen by a Dr who insisted they monitor her rather than just do a cervical check. Dr decided that she had the contractions of active labour, and her cervix wasn't cooperating, and probably wouldn't, so she had a c-section.

With her second pregnancy she opted for a c-section much earlier in the process when it seemed like the same thing was happening.

 

[snjeri]

@daphne1 I can only give you an anecdote, and I feel like my first birth was actually not that bad compared to yours, but still very much worse than my second. With my first everything went well up until labour started, which started with my water breaking. I had a very nice birthing room and wanted waterbirth, but after 7 hours of contractions and diluting very slowly, I had to hold back pushing for 5 hours straight because her head was not in the right place. Eventually I managed to push her out with huge effort and didn't need medication, but I teared and had to go into surgery after my placenta wouldn't dislodge and I lost more than 2 liters of blood. I also had true low supply (health worker thought it was insufficient glandular tissue), I even exclusively fed her formula through the SNS instead of the bottle for the first 6 months, but still didn't have enough.

With my second I was overdue for 10 days when, after feeling his head for the last few weeks I finally started contractions, and after that it happened so fast that he was out in 3 hours, with just 3 pushes, zero tearing and no problem with the placenta either. My milk came in very late again however and I was prepared to mix feed again, but this time around I could EBF for at least 2-3 months, though I suspect I already didn't have enough from the second month because he didn't gain enough in the month before I started supplementing. It was a combination of still not enough tissue and him being a fussy eater.

I should also add that my kids are only 17 months apart, and even though I had a hard first birth it didn't affect me that much and luckily I recovered in a few months. The second pregnancy was a bit harder due to the pregnancies being so close, but other than that, no regrets. We won't be having a third though, but just because we feel 2 is enough.

 

[drowningintears]

@daphne1 There’s a show on Netflix on babies, can’t recall the title but might just be ‘babies,’ and a scientist on the show who studies breast milk said that it usually increases with subsequent births. That was my anecdotal experience - I had enough the first time but barely and couldn’t pump. Second time I had zero issues.

 

[katrina2017]

@daphne1 Appendicitis that triggered cramps that caused ruptured water. Active labor started soon. No progression, contractions every 3 min. Lasted 44h. Failed induction. Failed epidural. Successful induction, after hell of pain. Pushed 6h. Had a horrible few months after. Cracked nipples and biting when breastfeeding for months. That's with my first. With my second: 3h, between "is this happening now?" To having my baby in my arms. Two pushes, no time for epidural. Latched and sucked during the golden hour on his own, within few minutes of being born. Same tearing though. My OB joked its karma - one horrible one super easy. My two deliveries are worlds apart - like it happened to another body. No data here but my OB said sees it all the time. She even shared that her third was the hardest. What I got from that is that there is too many variables to rely on statistics in childbirth. I am sorry you are had a a difficult experience - you are entitled to grieving the experience you wanted

 

[herzen2]

@daphne1 I'm in no way discrediting or questioning your experience when I saw its so interesting to me that none of the at least 15 births I've assisted with were long labors. At most 30 minutes of pushing. It really makes me wonder if it's a quality of medical providers and interventions that make a difference, all my experiences were either at the same hospital or in the back of my ambulance.

 

[mikestar]

@daphne1 Hi, I had a v similar experience during my first birth, and it really put me off trying for a second. I had ptsd focussed CBT which helped. I also waited several years before trying again.

For my second I had a v clear plan, and I had an elective c section. It was a totally different experience, the whole process was over in an hour and the only bit that hurt at all was getting the cannula in. The op was uncomfortable and felt really weird, but nothing like as bad as a single contraction.

My plan with feeding was to give bfing another go, with the plan of combi feeding, but to change that if it wasn’t working for me. I lasted a day, it hurt and I hated it so I stopped. Baby is happy and healthy on formula, and I’m recovering better for being able to share nightfeeds and sleep.

I looked at all the data for second births being easier, and overall I think they are, but I wasn’t willing to take the risk of not being one of those.

I was warned about recovery from c section, but I’ve found it much better than recovery from traumatic vag birth. I was out of the hospital in 24 hours and out and walking a few days later.

Anecdotally, I’ve found that those having second babies after trauma go one of two ways, either c section or hardcore homebirth with doulas and avoiding intervention. Doulas can be really helpful in making sure HCP are listening to you.

You can’t control or predict how a vaginal birth is going to go, although you can understand the risks and the odds. A c section felt a lot more in control.

 

[jacksully001]

@daphne1 I don't have any stats for you but would 100% recommend listening to the podcast Evidence Based Birth for a round up of the avaliable evidence on loads of different topics. It really helped me while pregnant and writing my birth plan, and I suspect it may shed some light on some of your questions

 

[ohiogators]

@daphne1 0% scientific but fwiw it took me about 6 months to bond with my second baby. Probably 2-3 months with my first.