Made a post here about a week ago about how my husband didn’t feel comfortable starting to try until I had changed careers and had a ‘normal’ job with benefits. The main thing though is I’ve crunched the numbers and with my husband traveling for work and family not being close enough to help on a daily basis, my take home pay on a $40,000 - $50,000 salary after childcare and taxes would be like $5,000-$15,000 annually. I’d essentially be working for literally nothing, while never even getting to see my kid? How would that be at all worth it or livable?
It seems like it would make way more financial sense for me to stay home and freelance or work a part time job from home, but my husband really wants me to make at least $40,000 a year to keep our income around what it is now. I’m worried this isn’t possible and he’s going to end up resenting me for not carrying enough financial weight of our marriage. For more context we will make about 180k this year and live in a low/medium cost of living area, don’t currently have debt or kids and still somehow struggle to make ends meet most of the time. How the hell is anyone affording kids right now
@mercifulwoman Maybe it would be worth meeting with a financial planner to discuss it? That way they’re an unbiased middle man, and can help you figure out where 180k is going in low/med col area. Just for reference, my husband and I are both paying down debt and live in a low/medium col area, comfortably making ends meet on ~80k with no kids and not particularly frugal. I did see a post about working to pay for childcare vs staying at home the other day but i can’t remember where. Probably new parents or baby bumps.
@rightway2truth The working moms sub had a good conversation about this recently. Essentially, even if your take home is net-zero while paying for daycare, you still get things like 401k payments and preventing resume gaps or loss of professional development opportunities that can make it harder to step back into your field at a comparable salary.
@ashdorkable Yes, good point! Also, healthcare (if you live in the US), is often provided through your employer. That’s one of the biggest parts of my compensation package worth over $1k/month!
@angelica009 Ah nice! I don’t know the details but mine (US) has one where you can put pre tax dollars into some sort of childcare fund that my coworkers like
@rightway2truth Ohhh an HSA! If you have low healthcare needs and can afford any out of pocket expenses that come up, an HSA can actually be used as a great investment tool since you get a triple tax loophole!
@ashdorkable I think the issue for me is that I can't go back to my field after having kids (I currently tour in the live entertainment industry) so there really isn't any incentive for me to crawl my way into a new career I'm not passionate about and make zero dollars.
I got a job offer recently for 55k, but it had NO 401K, very little PTO, and employer sponsored health insurance would've been more (like, way more) than we currently pay entirely out of pocket.
@mercifulwoman Yeah, that can all make a huge difference! It's important to factor it all together. Working vs SAH is an incredibly individual decision -- I have friends that do both, and for each of them, it has been the best decision for them and for their respective families.
For me, I have an above-median salary position in a highly saturated field with infrequent postings (usually requires relocating to find a new position). Even though my husband makes almost double my income, it would be hard to re-enter the field, so I plan to continue working.
@rightway2truth Second this. We live in a HCOL city, one of the most expensive in the world and make about $140k USD with two kids with just my husband working, and we are fine. Not swimming in cash, but we have money left every month.
@rightway2truth That's a great idea. We were looking into that recently but only found people to tell us how to invest our money? Which we aren't looking to do right now when we can barely pay our bills...
@mercifulwoman Check out Caleb Hammer on YouTube. He does financial audits with everyday people. He basically goes over people’s credit card and bank statements (which they give him) and looks for things that are unnecessary. Then he makes a pie chart to show where all their money is going and he gives them advice on what to do to pay off debt/build an emergency fund.
You can do this yourself at home - a lot of credit cards/banks will also show this info in the “insights” section - roughly how much is going to entertainment, shopping, eating out, misc. It doesn’t perfectly categorize every payment but it’s a start!
@mercifulwoman We saw one who literally just helped us break down critically where our money was going and discuss where we could be saving, it was great. The difference may be we saw a financial planner not a financial advisor. I think she was an accountant?
@rightway2truth Ah! That must be it. I'll talk to my husband about finding a planner instead of an advisor. Do you know how much you spent roughly to see her?
@mercifulwoman See if your employer's EAP (employee assistance program) covers consultations for a financial planner/advisor. Some do, at least for the first new meetings
