How can it all be done?

[framboise]

I’m pregnant, and my boyfriend wants no part of this baby’s life. I’m wondering... how can this all be done?

I work full time (9-6) and my office is not very flexible. I think I can manage to figure out daycare or a nanny etc, but what about everything else?

How will I have time to take my child to doctors appointments? Or prep meals for my child? Or clean my apartment? Or do anything, really?

I have been lurking this sub and you all seem so strong, and I just don’t know that I am. I. D.o.n.t have friends or family where I’m living and I. D.o.n.t know how I can do this. Please, I’m looking for realistic advice - how is it done?

 

[katrina2017]

@framboise It can’t. Your house will be a mess, you’ll be exhausted all the time, and likely no one will step in to help, even when you need it. You’ll spend all your money on daycare so you can get to work and never have as much time with your kid as you’d like to. Babysitters will cost too much, so you’ll rarely be able to go out and probably lose most of your friends. On top of that, most of society will look down on you for being a single parent and will shame you at every possible opportunity.

You just have to prioritize the best you can and try to accept your new reality. Sometimes it will feel worth it, usually it won’t. You’ll love your kid regardless.

 

[gloriouschild]

@framboise You just do it. Will you be tired? Yep, you might have to take part of a day off for appointments. Always schedule the first appointment of the day for a doctor if you can - that way the doctor isn’t running behind already. As far as meal prep and cleaning - sometimes make a nice dinner and sometimes you grab Panera Bread on the way home. Will your apartment always be clean? Probably not. Will all of the hard work be worth it? Absolutely. You will experience love like you’ve never felt watching your child learn and grow! You CAN do this!

 

[kay]

@framboise If you could set appointments before work, or see if you could possibly leave early for appointments that could work. Maybe you could wake up around 6am and get some meal prepping done, or later in the evening when you get off. I’m pretty lucky I can ask for a day off during the week. It’s sure not easy. I work full time, have three kids, and almost 8 months pregnant, and single. I’m only planning on taking about a week off work unfortunately. But it sounds like you have daycare figured out so that should help a lot. I do put off a lot of things for the one day I have off if it’s during the week. I clean my apt on the weekends, or spend a half hour or so when I get home and still have energy to clean up some. So even on my days off I’m running around. It won’t be easy, but you can do it. You may not feel like you can, but when it’s not just about you, and having to care for another person you will be suprised at what you can get done. I save shopping for the Friday I get paid, or the Saturday I have off. It’s a lot of juggling for sure.

 

[hurtingagain]

@framboise Can you possibly move to a place where you have more support, friends and family? Maybe live with a family member until you can get settled and have someone around that you can trust with the baby when you have to do things alone?

 

[k3nrolls]

@framboise My ex is not involved at all and even moved to a different state before he was born. My little one is 11 weeks and I have an 11 year old and the best I can tell you is don't sweat the little things! My laundry rarely gets folded (but everyone has clean clothes), the house is a bit of a mess, I haven't had time to myself in a long time and it's hard but it gets better! I bring his glider seat into the bathroom to shower, I wear baby to attempt to clean and coffee has been a life saver! Its physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting, the bad days are really bad but the good days make it worth it! You will realize you are so much stronger than you ever believed possible. Go easy on yourself ❤

 

[katrina2017]

@framboise I'm a single father..i have brought up my 2 boys entirely alone since my youngest was 2 weeks old. they're biological mother isn't allowed to see them..... they are now 19 and 24.. ones at uni doing politics and journalism and ones a chef.. I'm incredibly proud of them both..
My point is what your feeling right now is the same thing most single parents go through.. your scared and your doubting yourself.. but believe me.. it can be done and in some cases like mine ( and maybe yours) your better off doing it alone.. You alone are in charge of stability for your child. But the fact is on paper it doesn't seem possible.. yet in reality through hard work and juggling it works...
If I could go back and do it all again I would in a heartbeat. The good and the bad..I'm not responsible for my boys being so awesome.. that's on them alone..but they are responsible for me being so proud of who they have become... and that's worth every stress and money worry I've had to go through to get to this point today...
So to actually answer your question it's done by juggling,prioritising and taking everything a day at a time..
I'm in the UK and im guessing your not so rules and support are different.. but get armed with every bit of information and support you can.. but more importantly.. enjoy it.. id love to be back in your position again.

 

[jonsun80]

@katrina2017 Wow god bless you are so lucky to have each other

 

[kallim22]

@framboise Do you qualify for cash aid? There are assistance programs for single parents including assistance with child care

 

[jay7]

@framboise Depending on your state you can get subsidized childcare. You can also apply for WIC while pregnant, and even if you don't qualify they can still help find you pregnancy support and local mom groups. If you can, find a couple people you can lean on. In my experience other moms, even ones you never had anything in common with before, tend to be protective of new moms. They'll have a lot of advice and sometimes you can swap childcare. Plus they might have used clothes or toys or other things you need. Reach out to people and ask for help when you need it.

Growing a human is no easy task, you can do it! You're already doing great.

 

[paloco51]

@framboise Have you considered getting an abortion?