Throwaway for reasons
I’m (39M) no saint, I have my moments of frustration that go too far (loud shouting maybe at 7-8 max), I’m keenly aware of the mental impacts and outbursts that toddlers can induce.
But I’m seriously at a loss with my Wife’s (41F) reaction to handling toddler bed hell. (We’re in the thick of 2+ sleep regression and attachment to Mommy)
I do everything I can to be involved and attempt to play our Power Nanny game or w/e it’s called (jump into room on her getting out of bed, put the tot back in bed , firmly and lovingly say good night - rinse repeat until down)…but most nights kiddo ain’t having any of daddy. Only Mommy is acceptable… you know the drill.
Recently, kiddo has gotten worse, taking about 1.5 hrs or more to get to sleep after her routine. Fairly normal at her age from what I’ve read.
This sends Wife into a frenzy, banshee level screaming, the kind that blurs your vision if you do it during a verbal argument. You know…. The level of yelling that comes from true and deep desperation.
Added context, Wife is an early riser , always has been, and generally a bad sleeper , any inkling of sleep she can get is like gold. On top of that the early rising is on account of trying to fit in very important fitness goals into the day, and when that’s missed things just generally snow ball. (No time to take care of herself, etc etc). - not to discount it as important - it truly is important to her and we wiggle around the schedule constantly to make sure she gets what she needs.
Consistency is ideal though, and we’re very far away from that right now - so I get it - she’s boiling over.
The rub: Help, AITA? ; I, for some reason, absolutely cannot handle the max level screaming in that context. I can handle 10,11 outbursts , she needs to vent and I want to support her and always problem solve.
….but I completely shut down and have to walk out of the room when Jekyl comes out.
So I did the thing that I NEEDED in that moment this time, I asked her to get a grip. I told her very clearly that needing to vent and be angry and bang on the bed is all good, but I cannot accept lvl 15-20.
Frankly speaking she and I could not be more different when it comes to handling stress. My personal fuse on that kind of yelling is SSOOO long. Hers is not.
Because of that I just can’t compute how she can get to that point seemingly so fast , not be my fault for pissing her off, and without really anything I can do to actually help the situation……..
I am lost , please help
P.s. if this is normal behavior and I’m just a little child about this that’s ok - there is a strong possibility my sensitivity to that kind of yelling comes from Mommy issues.
Edit: No tots are screamed at in this scenario , just the open air in our master bed , next to my ear drum
I’m (39M) no saint, I have my moments of frustration that go too far (loud shouting maybe at 7-8 max), I’m keenly aware of the mental impacts and outbursts that toddlers can induce.
But I’m seriously at a loss with my Wife’s (41F) reaction to handling toddler bed hell. (We’re in the thick of 2+ sleep regression and attachment to Mommy)
I do everything I can to be involved and attempt to play our Power Nanny game or w/e it’s called (jump into room on her getting out of bed, put the tot back in bed , firmly and lovingly say good night - rinse repeat until down)…but most nights kiddo ain’t having any of daddy. Only Mommy is acceptable… you know the drill.
Recently, kiddo has gotten worse, taking about 1.5 hrs or more to get to sleep after her routine. Fairly normal at her age from what I’ve read.
This sends Wife into a frenzy, banshee level screaming, the kind that blurs your vision if you do it during a verbal argument. You know…. The level of yelling that comes from true and deep desperation.
Added context, Wife is an early riser , always has been, and generally a bad sleeper , any inkling of sleep she can get is like gold. On top of that the early rising is on account of trying to fit in very important fitness goals into the day, and when that’s missed things just generally snow ball. (No time to take care of herself, etc etc). - not to discount it as important - it truly is important to her and we wiggle around the schedule constantly to make sure she gets what she needs.
Consistency is ideal though, and we’re very far away from that right now - so I get it - she’s boiling over.
The rub: Help, AITA? ; I, for some reason, absolutely cannot handle the max level screaming in that context. I can handle 10,11 outbursts , she needs to vent and I want to support her and always problem solve.
….but I completely shut down and have to walk out of the room when Jekyl comes out.
So I did the thing that I NEEDED in that moment this time, I asked her to get a grip. I told her very clearly that needing to vent and be angry and bang on the bed is all good, but I cannot accept lvl 15-20.
Frankly speaking she and I could not be more different when it comes to handling stress. My personal fuse on that kind of yelling is SSOOO long. Hers is not.
Because of that I just can’t compute how she can get to that point seemingly so fast , not be my fault for pissing her off, and without really anything I can do to actually help the situation……..
I am lost , please help
P.s. if this is normal behavior and I’m just a little child about this that’s ok - there is a strong possibility my sensitivity to that kind of yelling comes from Mommy issues.
Edit: No tots are screamed at in this scenario , just the open air in our master bed , next to my ear drum
