Help for behavior at wits end
- Thread starter eian11
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- stay-at-home parents
@eian11 Solidarity sis. My boys are 6 and 4 and we definitely went through this phase (4yo is still at the tail end of it). The constant push back. Feeling like you’re being mocked by your children. It’s awful. You’ve gotten some good advice already so I’ll just add in some things that worked for us. As someone else mentioned, the counting to three really worked for us. If I ask them to do something and they push back, I tell them I’m going to count to three. If I get to three they will have to sit in time out, or I will take away something they’re looking forward to (like a fun activity we have planned). They caught on quick. Now I only get to one and they straighten out their act. Also, stand by your word. No empty threats. If you threaten to take away something you have to follow through (I’m not saying you haven’t, just need to reiterate how important it is). Also, for the potty word situation, we did a potty word jar for one week. Each kid got $6 in quarters, anytime I heard a bad word (poop, butt, fart) they put a quarter in the jar. I told them whatever money they had left after one week was theirs to spend at the dollar store/ 5below. They caught on super quick with this. You’re not alone in this and it will pass!!! My 4yo is especially ornery and we’ve had some challenging days. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
@rachellee Oh the potty mouth jar is so fascinating thank you for that insight yea so if they cry I feel bad like I’m causing trauma or hurting them and give in and say ok next time say they are spitting food (they like to do this with yogurt they eat it but somehow is fun for them to talk with it and let it drool and dribble and spit out also apple sauce sorry tmi ) do I say I will count to 3 and if you don’t stop spitting then cuz maybe a better example is if they bang on the table with utensil and or first and I say please cut it out they stop but then resume after a brief while so do I give them 3 chances or what bc as I say stop they don’t continue immediately is more like they pause so it’s not like they are banging and I’m like 1 2 3 it’s bang stop then say I turn my back to pick up something or put a dish away then bang bang again or stand on chair so essentially it is like they are mocking me would each stand on the chair or bang be a one count like a 3 strikes you’re out sort of thing or how would I count if they are constantly pausing between the behavior ? And lastly for your boys if one is behaving and one isn’t let’s say the oldest is but the youngest is still on the tail end of sometimes misbehaving if you take away the fun place you were going to what happens with the older one that was behaving ?? Thanks so much any insight helps
@eian11 For us it’s one strike and you’re out. If I count to three and they don’t correct the behavior or do what I asked then they get a time out. They get one chance. When it comes to taking away something we planned, we’ve been lucky that it hasn’t been something they both would miss. They’re in two different schools (one in kinder and one in preK) and on two different schedules so it’s usually something that was planned when my middle son is home and my oldest is at school (middle son only goes part time).
@rachellee I like this one chance to correct it I’ll try it today so say I’ll explain if you are doing an unacceptable behavior I will give you a chance to correct it if you do not there will be consequences take the chair dance for example if they do it I’ll say he this is unacceptable please don’t do it again then they normally pause I turn (say I’m serving their food ) they start again I’ll go 1,2,3 if they haven’t stopped then consequence time like that ? Also the older one is a bit more reasonable if we have to leave the playground I’ll say that we’ll come back whole day when dad’s off day or you will get the magnets or favorite sensory bin when you get home bc younger bro x y z maybe this will cause the elder to say to the younger hey cut it out as he knows they will both suffer for it (suffer as in we will ALL have to leave the playground ) what do you think did I get it more or less ?
@eian11 Yup. If they’re doing something you don’t like you sternly say “stop dancing in your chair” if they do it again you say “I’m going to count to three, if you do not stop dancing in your chair you will go sit in time out. 1….2…” And if they don’t stop, it’s off to timeout. And I do try to have older bro help little bro. Like you said, “if little bro doesn’t behave then we all have to leave the playground. Why don’t you see if he wants to play hide and seek instead of throwing sand.” Older bro also knows if he encourages little bro to do something then they’re both in trouble (we’re in the “I dare you” stage where older brother will dare little brother to do something he shouldn’t be doing).
@rachellee Yea they tend to egg each other on telling the little one to taste (non edible ) or do something he shouldn’t I definitely gotta tell him that thanks for all the help I’ve been implementing the counting today so far so great thank you so much
katrina2017
New member
@katrina2017 Wow I will right now thank you