Giving up on EBF

[baagz]

My baby is almost 12 weeks old and I think I’ve mentally and emotionally reached my limit. Background info - baby was born 9 weeks early, I had severe pre-eclampsia and placenta previa resulting in C-section, I was on magnesium for almost 72 hours, didn’t get to physically see my baby for 24 hours… exclusively pumped the 33 days she spent in the NICU, always struggled with supply. We started seeing an IBCLC shortly after she came home and I’ve done so many things to boost my supply - I didn’t even originally think I’d like nursing, but I love it. I feel so close to my baby. We’d finally transitioned to primarily latching… BUT lately she’s been fussy at night, screaming as soon as we lay her down in her bassinet - last night after laying with her for hours and her nursing, I told my husband to make her a bottle of formula. She took it, passed right out and slept in her bassinet with no problem. So now I feel like I’ve been starving my baby, I’m so disappointed in my body for failing her yet again. I would never think this about someone else, but for some reason I’m afraid this is going to hurt my relationship with her. I’m already upset I have to go back to work Friday and won’t get to spend enough time with her… if you got this far, thanks for reading.

TLDR - I’ve struggled with supply for last 12 weeks, have been trying to exclusively nurse past couple of weeks, baby fussy at night, gave her a bottle of formula last night and she went right to sleep. I feel like my body has failed her and I’m ready to throw in the towel.

 

[proudpa2]

@baagz Firstly, it sounds like you have done an absolutely incredible job! I am in awe of anyone continuing through when BF doesn't go as hoped. It can be very easy to conclude that it's a supply problem, but from what I have been told by several midwives, as long as the baby is having regular wet nappies and is gaining weight then these are good indicators that your supply is enough. Hopefully this is the case for you

I thought it might help to know that I felt very similar, as though my supply wasn't good enough and I couldn't cope with the exhaustion of cluster feeding for hours on end in the evenings. When my baby was 3 weeks old we had one night where I was constantly feeding from 6pm to 2am and that was the last straw for me, we got formula the next day and similarly to you, she went to sleep immediately after one bottle. Since then she has had one bottle of formula every evening at bedtime, the rest of the time she is BF. She is now 11 weeks old. We have tried numerous other things to get her to sleep, including giving the same amount of breastmilk in the bottle instead of formula, but still the only thing that gets her to sleep for a few hours is one bottle of formula.

I admit to feeling guilty and selfish for doing this, but my baby goes from being very unsettled to being calm, content and sleepy after the bottle, so at least she seems happier too. Also, it is only one bottle a day so trying to see the benefit in her having the best of both worlds, as well as my partner being able to experience feeding her.

I hope this helps and no matter what you decide to do, you will get through this! You are already an absolute hero for continuing on EBF for this long

TLDR:
You are amazing. I had similar and now give one bottle of formula a night and BF the rest of the time, it works for us. Do what is right for you and your baby, if that's combi feeding or switching completely, you should be proud of what you have already achieved!

 

[bonni]

@baagz I had a terrible start to my breastfeeding journey to the point it caused PPD. At 1 month PP I started combination feeding (nursing, pumping, & formula), just did the best I could each day and let myself (mind and nipples) heal.
Once I started feeling better, I started nursing more, until eventually, I was able start EBF all over again.
I'm still on supplements to keep my supply sufficient and still pump when I can. And I'm not saying there aren't bad days here and there. I just wanted to give you some hope that if you want to EBF but it's not working for you right now, doesn't mean you can't ever go back to it. And honestly, we're mothers, not just milk machines. Our relationships with our babies go wayyyy beyond the milk we provide. And we're still providing milk, whether it be from the breast, or bottle, or formula... we're still giving the sustenance our babies need.

 

[baagz]

@bonni Thank you

 

[cadestin]

@baagz almost 15 PP, went back to work right after 11 weeks.

I’m currently struggling with supply/pumping/breastfeeding and from one mom to another: PLEASE DO NOT tie your self worth to your ability to feed your baby with your boobs. You are so much more than a milk machine to your baby and they know it too (even if you don’t think so).

I am almost exclusively pumping (he latches maybe once a day) and he only gets 1 pumped milk bottle a day because I can only pump 4oz a day. He gets mostly formula and even though it’s not what I want, it’s the best I can do.

I still have the happiest baby ever. When I come home from work and he hears my voice he smiles so big it’s insane. When hold him above my head and look up at him he looks back at me like I am his entire world. Yeah, I don’t get to breastfeed him anymore. But we are just as connected and he loves me just as much.

I just want to give you some hope

 

[baagz]

@cadestin Thank you so much - I really appreciate your reply. I think I might try something similar, as much as I love nursing I think it would be better for my mental health to know she’s getting enough through bottle feeding and maybe nursing as supplemental, like a snuggle before bed or something. I’m just getting in my head too much.

 

[walterjabe]

@baagz Your baby has gotten nutrition and comfort from your body, including during the earliest weeks when she was most in need of breastmilk. Unless she’s been losing weight, you haven’t been starving her.

Mixing breastmilk and formula feeding is a wonderful way to feed a baby.

Exclusive breastfeeding is a wonderful way to feed a baby, when it works for their mother’s body, schedule, and psyche.

Exclusive formula feeding is a wonderful way to feed a baby, especially when baby is held for feedings.

Whichever of those three you choose, when living someplace with access to clean and safe water, is a great choice.

You’ve put a lot of effort into breastfeeding, and because it’s something you and baby enjoy, you don’t have to stop nursing totally. You can do a combination of breastfeeding and formula feeding throughout baby’s first year, and continue breastfeeding as long after that as works for you and baby.

I’ve known moms who never pumped, and had their babies on formula bottles during mom’s workdays, and nursed evenings and weekends. Your body will adapt to whatever baby needs.

 

[baagz]

@walterjabe I appreciate your thoughtful reply. All that matters is that my baby is safe and healthy. I reached out to my therapist so maybe she can help me get out of my head.

 

[walterjabe]

@baagz You are doing an amazing job as a mother, I remember how hard it can be to believe that in the moment, but your love for your baby, and how well you’re caring for her, shines through your post.

 

[arlandriax]

@baagz It's okay if you decide to give your baby formula. It's okay if you stop breastfeeding. Your baby will still form an attachment with you. Your baby will still be healthy and thrive. I promise. I have a 4 year old who was pretty much exclusively formula fed. We have an incredible bond, she is incredibly healthy and thriving. This breast is best stuff needs to stop. You are important. Your mental health is important. Your baby wants you to be happy. I am currently EBF my 12 week old. We have supplemented with formula several times, I have thought about giving up and most importantly I know if I do, that she too will be healthy and thrive.

Good luck to you, you are amazing no matter what you decide, mama

 

[baagz]

@arlandriax Thank you

 

[eoim]

@baagz I just want you to know that you’re incredible for doing everything you have done so far. Pumping for 33 days after a c-section and the stress of the NICU.. wow. You’re amazing. Your baby is so lucky to have you!!

You’re allowed to make whatever decision you wish moving forward. Combo feeding may be a good fit so you can both enjoy the closeness of breastfeeding. You can also just switch, and it’s fair to mourn what you have adjusted so that you can give the best for your baby. Clearly, you are putting them first and you’re so wonderful for doing so despite all the feelings and the tough journey you’ve had to accomplish it all. Giving you the biggest freaking virtual hug that I can.

 

[baagz]

@eoim Thank you so much, this was so kind - I teared up reading it. I know I would never be so hard on someone else in the same situation, I’m trying to be kind to myself too - it’s just tough.

 

[karmel]

@baagz First, congratulations on making it as far as you did! You’ve had a harder road than most and getting breast milk for the first 12 weeks has already given your baby a lot of benefit.

Second, your baby will still get a lot of benefit even with combo feeding. I wasn’t able to get baby to latch without pain initially and had trouble producing enough initially. Also, getting a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep is necessary and my baby will not sleep that long without needing a feed in the middle. So our routine is I BF all day until about 11pm. Then I pump, pass to hubby who takes over and gives 2 4oz bottles while I sleep (a mix of pumped and formula based on how much I’ve made) and then I get up around 4am, pump again, and take over while he sleeps. We’re still giving about 90% breast milk and this helps me keep my sanity.

I also remember the screams of a hungry baby that I wasn’t able to feed bc I wasn’t making enough. It’s heart breaking. So I caved and we supplemented with formula. We needed quite a few until my supply built up, but now we’re down to one a night.

Third, a fed baby and mentally healthy mama are best. Giving all breast milk at the expense of your sanity and ability to be a calm loving presence around your baby is not a price that’s worth the cost. So if you decide you’re totally done because that’s what you need, that’s okay too.

 

[baagz]

@karmel Thank you - I appreciate it so much. I’m trying not to get in the mindset of all or nothing, I don’t know why that’s so hard for me right now.

 

[karmel]

@baagz It’s silly but one thing that helped me a lot with perspective was my friend with 2 kids saying, “whether they had formula or breast milk, by the time they’re two they’ll all eat week old fries off the floor of the car.” It just reminded me that while breastfeeding is important, it’s such a small part of a child’s life and overall nutrition.

 

[nobeardlady]

@baagz Sounds a bit like they are cluster feeding,i think 12 weeks is one of the times they do that. If you can survive this next week or two I think it could get better. It was hell for me for the first three months, I didn't have the birth you did but struggled with other things tongue tie etc. The turning point definitely came at 12 weeks and after a while my little one started ro settled down. I combo feed and gradually reduced the number of bottles until one day we were completely of formula. I think your little one could be trying to up your supply so it will seek like they are hungry whereas as bottle will get there instantly.

Hope that helps, if you need a break I would advise give the odd bottle for your sanity but if your set on breastfeeding nurse as often as they want and fingers cross it will regulate in the next week or to then you should be on the home straight.

Good luck x

 

[baagz]

@nobeardlady Thank you! It’s so hard, I just worry so much about doing the right thing for her.