@obedientsacrifice You are not overreacting at all. I feel like we are going through the same thing. I’m also petite with a bigger bottom and got teased about it my whole life from my family. It has scared me emotionally very deep. I live far away from my family now (probably because of the toxic upbringing). I was speaking with them regularly when I first had my daughter. At some point I started to the way they talked to me effected my communication with my DD. A lot of pain was brought to light and never want my child to experience this from her family. So. Anytime someone says something that could even remotely be bullying we end the conversation. If my dad makes an inappropriate comment about absolutely anything related to my DD or mother or me the conversation is over and we don’t call for a few days. He started picking up on this and has been a little better. Don’t stand for it. Don’t let anyone ever communicate with you precious LO with anything other than love and respect.
@obedientsacrifice Thats so messed up, im sorry youre having to deal with this. When you normalize talking about babies in a sexy way (even as a “joke”) you normalize the idea that babies/children can be sexy. You normalize older people sexualizing them, you normalize putting children in sexual situations.
You are definitely not overreacting: you are protecting your daughter. You are letting her know what is/isnt acceptable for older people/family members to say too or about her. You are teaching her that she doesnt have to put up with others sexualizing her, that she deserves to be treated with respect.
As for a script, maybe something like. “I dont care if you disagree. She is my daughter and as her mother I find these jokes/comments unacceptable. If you cannot stop making sexual comments about her, i am not comfortable having you around her. Thank you for respecting my boundaries.”
@obedientsacrifice Dudeeee, SHUT THAT SHIT DOWNNN! And ya know what? If they’re stubborn assholes about it and say you’re too sensitive, then my response would be, “then take my sensitivity seriously. This is MY daughter, my BABY, and my decision how I raise her. If you continue then we’ll make ourselves scarce and be sensitive alone”. Anyone sexualizing a baby needs to be educated. Try explaining to them the issues with that and why you don’t want that. And doing it as a family meeting style thing might help hold them ALL accountable.
@obedientsacrifice I have a pretty vulgar sense of humor at times and even I leave kids out of it. Babies shouldn’t be sexualized like that. Kids shouldn’t either. It’s gross and harmful to them. Kids should able to just be kids without worrying about being “sexy.”
As someone else mentioned, that’s grooming behavior. I’m sure you’re family doesn’t see it that way, but by normalizing the idea that she’s “sexy” or “does sexy things” when she’s really just doing normal kid things can easily be interpreted as normal kid things being sexy. Which is really not a good look for your family. They’re basically telling any pedophile that hears them that they understand why they’re attracted to kids while also telling the kid that adults sexualizing them is a normal thing. It may lead to nothing since obviously most people aren’t pedophiles, but that’s playing with fire. It also makes me wonder if somewhere in the family there was a pedophile or victims of one who normalized the idea of “sexy kids” to everyone around them. It could have been a coping mechanism, but not all coping mechanisms are healthy. Of course it’s possible they just have a shitty sense of humor and no concept of the danger of it.
@kjetilk I agree with you. Just wanted to add on that even if there aren’t that many pedos around, it can eventually affect the way she handles things when she’s in her teens and a boy (or girl?) starts to throw sexual comments at her or touches her inappropriately. It can lead to rationalizing it in the sense of, “if family does it, maybe it’s not as bad as I think it is and it’s ok for this person to treat me that way, even if I don’t like it”.
@obedientsacrifice You’re absolutely not overreacting. They are way out of line. These comments, if allowed to continue, will impact her personality and how she views sex at a very young age. She should be allowed to be a kid for as long as possible. The younger girls are sexualized the more difficult of a relationship they form with their own bodies and their own sexuality.
@obedientsacrifice When I was pregnant I would joke that the baby had a Kardashian booty because she’d stick her butt out so far it made my stomach completely lopsided and goofy looking. However, my joke wasn’t made to sexualize her... you’re family’s jokes are and that is definitely not okay. I would limit to even cut off contact with them if they don’t stop making the inappropriate comments.
@obedientsacrifice Dude, no. I’m the same way with my ten month old. Thankfully i haven’t gotten any of those uncomfortable comments. However, one of my good friends has a son a few months older than my daughter, and she will not stop with the future dating jokes. It really grates on me because i had a family friend growing up and our moms did that shit to us, and wow what a surprise our friendship withered because of it.
We went to his birthday party and my baby is affectionate, so at one point she snuggled up to him and like gave an open mouth kiss on his cheek and my friend freaked out and started joking like, “omg they’re making out!!! So cute aw they’re meant to be!” Like don’t do that??? Its so weird!!!! And what if she doesnt like boys or turns out to be asexual/aromantic? That’s gonna be so uncomfortable for her later in life.
I hate it with a passion. So i am 100% behind you on this. This shit is harmful and our babies deserve better. I don’t have any sympathy for your family, and i dont see a defense for it. If they think its “just a joke” they clearly need some self-reflection.
@obedientsacrifice Listen, and I mean this wholeheartedly: if something that's being done to, or about your child, bothers you, then WHO CARES IF YOU MAY BE OVERREACTING: You have every right to stop it right there. That's your child and it's your duty to protect her and put her first. Your standards don't have to match your family's, but they do have to respect them.
If they refuse to abide by them or continue being weirdoes, you don't have to keep talking to them or taking your daughter to them.
@obedientsacrifice Ugh. I would tell them straight up, if you guys don’t stop this disgusting sexualization of a BABY I will not allow her to be in your lives. They also need to REALIZE why it’s inappropriate especially when pedphilia seems to be more and more common nowadays (PUKE)!!!! Teach them that sexualizing a baby is no “joke” and even share how those jokes affected you as a child. But you must sit with them and make them realize you’re SERIOUS and not just trying to be nit-picky.
@obedientsacrifice Keep doing what you’re doing and shutting it down now. You’re protecting your baby like someone should have protected you from hearing those things, and with persistence and indisputable boundaries she may never have to remember that her extended family was ever weird with her. You’re a good mom, don’t let them think you’re the one being difficult or unreasonable.
@obedientsacrifice Yeah, it’s weird when people sexualize babies/kids. I don’t think most people mean it in a malicious way but it’s still not good. If it comes up again I would definitely tell them explicitly what your boundaries are and hold firm in them. Your daughter will face so much shit from the world at large, she doesn’t need it at home too. My parents (who are amazing and I’m super close with!) made a few comments about my sons’ penis sizes and it made me very uncomfortable. So I just said “this makes me uncomfortable. Please don’t talk about my kids’ genitals, it’s weird.” Thankfully it worked and it never came up again. I hope your family will respect your boundaries and it doesn’t become a big thing.
@obedientsacrifice Their comments are completely inappropriate to say especially in earshot of the baby, from as early as a year they can really understand the gist of so much despite being non verbal.
I do try to boost my babies body positivity, she gets to run about naked for a bit everyday (just me&dad present) and she likes to look at herself in the mirror. I tell her she has a good body and a strong body
