Family making inappropriate comments about my baby

[weewee12]

@obedientsacrifice Aight so imma go ahead and suggest Plan B

You gotta take a look at your daughter as a new leaf in your life and accept that you are gonna have to do things that make you uncomfortable for her benefit.

You might just have to limit the exposure without explaining why (I suggest you confront them, but if you truly can’t then I get it - but confronting them is the best option, and if you have to get aggressive if they don’t take you seriously then you need to get aggressive even if it’s not in your character)

You have to do what makes you feel comfortable as a new mother. And sometimes in life, in order to get comfortable we gotta get uncomfortable first

Motherfuckers will walk all over you if you let them - even family. You have to DO something at the very least, trial and error baby

Edit: also if u not close with anyone in your family, that ain’t by coincidence!! There’s a reason for that shit. Why do u want your daughter to get close to people you yourself aren’t close to? Yo I get it, family family family, but sometimes u gotta say “fuck that blood shit” and really wonder what is the ACTUAL benefit of your daughter being close with people YOU yourself are NOT close with

 

[f8th60]

@obedientsacrifice You are not overreacting.

Some appropriate responses:

"Ew!"

"You sound like a pedophile, please stop."

"Do you hear yourself?"

"That's genuinely disgusting!"

Shame is highly effective in getting people to stop doing something. Take the perspective of an outsider, because I promise anyone in their right mind would see this for what it is - sexual abuse.

 

[jakubb]

@obedientsacrifice Absolutely not. I would give them one last chance and if they do it again, too bad. Can't see my kid anymore. That is gross and their bullshit played its part in the harm that came to you because you didn't know how to handle it. They can't do the same to your baby girl.

 

[norsemen]

@jakubb Agreed. You're right to say that it's wrong to sexualize a baby. Even if they don't mean to, that's a line you feel is being crossed. You may have to lay consequences if they do not respect your wishes of how to treat your baby. Cut it now before she's old enough to understand comments like that. I'm sorry you were around comments like that as a child.

 

[fatefulslave]

@obedientsacrifice Shut. This. Down. Now. You are NOT overreacting. They are being disgusting and wholly inappropriate. They are perpetuating a cycle of sexualizing girls and it is not okay. You know it's not okay. Please please please protect your daughter from these people- this is not normal or okay behavior. Honestly, if it were my family I would write an email or text making it very clear what is and isn't appropriate and what the repercussions are- aka no contact.

 

[thesunwillshineagain]

@fatefulslave I second this. If it were me, I would talk to the offending family members immediately and have an honest chat about the issue and, regardless of their response being positive or negative, go ahead and take a break from these people for a while, or forever.

 

[bellgamin]

@obedientsacrifice That’s disgusting. A baby is not sexy. Babies are innocent. They are children. There are some lines you DON’T cross and this is one of them.

Stand strong because you are the one to protect her from their unhealthy attitudes and keep them from saying to her what they said to you... even if that includes limiting your contact if they refuse to accept your healthy boundaries.

 

[feedmysheep]

@obedientsacrifice You're right for objecting. This is grooming behavior and should be stopped before it begins to affect your child. Don't let them gaslight you into thinking you're being too sensitive and that you should roll over for their inappropriate behaviour, because you aren't being too sensitive and their behaviour is absolutely inappropriate.

 

[tmc1284]

@obedientsacrifice Awful. Gift them copies of The Lolita Effect by Durham.

 

[ruomai]

@obedientsacrifice Nope, mom knows best. I 100% agree and would be VERY uncomfortable with how sexualized their comments and actions are. It seems like they are just kind of like that so it might be a tough road to make these boundaries. But I think it is worth it, this is YOUR baby GIRL! You’re mom and you make the rules and boundaries if they have a problem with it tough luck!

 

[timshakers]

@obedientsacrifice AEEEHAERHRRHEHHGGGGH.

STOP SEXUALISING CHILDREN.

I'm a primary school teacher, this shit drives me fucking insane. I see these cute little humans who just get dumped with all this stuff that's way above their paygrade. Let kids be kids for a bit. They've got their whole lives to wade through the quagmire that is sex and relationships (let alone gender, sexuality, consent and body stuff).

I got up one of the ladies at our put-together play group (covid woo!), my then 7 month old son was playing near her daughter. Cue the "Oooh, look at you playing with him. Looks like you've got a boyfriiiiiieeeend."

Oh HoneySweetieBaby no. This kids only just figured out that he has toes. He's not exactly ready to settle down.

Well done for shutting this shit down early.

 

[katrina2017]

@timshakers Good job shutting down the boyfriend/girlfriend talk. People think it’s harmless, but it plays right into toxic masculinity and rape culture.

 

[katrina2017]

@mazzei People project adulthood onto children because they think it’s cute. Playing into toxic masculinity, adults teach boys to see girlfriends as proof of status or masculinity, and something they NEED. They propagate rape culture by encouraging boys to keep trying to convince girls who don’t like them and encouraging little girls to accept poor treatment and compromise bodily agency (“Oh sweetie, he only did X mean thing to you because he likes you!”). These little games teach boys to ignore consent and girls to give in without ever truly giving it (“She didn’t want to hold your hand? You have to try again! She was probably just being shy.”).

Negative societal patterns start long before adulthood.

 

[mazzei]

@katrina2017 Sure, but the boyfriend girlfriend thing has nothing to do with it

 

[jackvin47]

@obedientsacrifice You are not wrong. They are being grossly inappropriate with your daughter just like they were with you. Even it was acceptable behavior, you are her mother and you are uncomfortable with it. Full stop. If they were playing violent movies around her and you asked them repeatedly not to, or feeding her foods that you didn’t agree with aka lots of sugar or allergy candidates, you would shut it and restrict their access to her. Her sexuality, body self awareness, and ability to display consent are all going to be based off of what those around her model. If you don’t like what your family is doing, nip it in the bud now. You owe it to your daughter to be her advocate.

 

[thewindsbreath]

@obedientsacrifice Oh fuck no. When you said a different humour I thought dark or something. Sexual using a child is fucking disgusting. You’re no overreacting at all, do what you gotta do momma.

 

[katrina2017]

@obedientsacrifice Oh hell no. Hell. F-ing no. Absolutely NO contact or at least no unsupervised time with baby for them until they take you seriously. You recognize how badly these comments affected you, now is your chance to protect your daughter from the same. You don’t want her to grow up thinking these are ok things for people to say about her. Lay down the law

 

[christhasreturned]

@obedientsacrifice Gross. Nip it at the bud. You are not overreacting, your family is being really inappropriate.

 

[billybillyblue]

@obedientsacrifice That is an appropriate reaction. They are specializing a baby and it’s fucking creepy

 

[katrina2017]

@billybillyblue Ha! My phone autocorrected to “specializing” as well in one of my comments. You’ve been autocorrect duped!