Explaining financial limitations to a 3-4 year old?

[skh277]

@ijtee Bonus: it's super cute to watch, too

 

[sumgai]

@skh277 Wait you have kiddie carts?

 

[skh277]

@sumgai Yes, they are fairly common in Austria and Germany and typically look like this.

 

[luxaeterna]

@skh277 We used to have those in the Netherlands but I just realized I haven’t seen them in ages! That totally took me back and now I miss them.

 

[skh277]

@luxaeterna Aww

 

[katrina2017]

@sumgai Our grocery stores sometimes have a tiny child size push cart.

 

[katrina2017]

@ijtee I was having a similar issue before in the past when i found myself constantly buying my kids little trinkets they didn’t even play with more than a minute and then they kept expecting more and more. I explain to my kids “big toys are for birthday’s and Christmas” and we can take a photo of it so mommy remembers what they like for when their birthday or Christmas comes around. I take the photos when needed, when they see something they’re super excited about but I’m 100% not buying it, I’ll take a photo so they know I care and I’m interested in that they like, and we even revisit the photos of the toys they like later so they can see the picture.

Also, some days are just not toy days, not even a $5 toy…and I will them in the car on the way to the store. I’ll say “today is a essential day, not a toy day” in the store I stay firm “today is not a toy day” On no-toy days I’ll let them pick a special snack or a kinder egg instead if they’re behaved in the store.

 

[sscablao]

@ijtee I’ve been saying “that’s not on our list” since before she could ask something.

I model picking something and look at it and putting it back.

Nearly 4 and haven’t had a tantrum for wanting something.

 

[truthx1111]

@ijtee Maybe just stop buying her something every time she goes out? She’s come to expect getting a new toy all the time. That’s a little crazy.

 

[clintos]

@truthx1111 Ya it is excessive. “I’m fortunate enough to do that” doesn’t mean you should.

 

[matlock]

@clintos And so wasteful. If a kid gets a toy every time they go to the shop, it's highly likely they're not playing with it for long and don't value it.

 

[jennyb23]

@ijtee I don't think buying your children something every time they go shopping is a good idea. You're training them to expect something. I have three adult children and two grandchildren and I would never have been able to afford buying each of my three kids who were all under five at the same time at one point.

 

[geoffrey1778]

@jennyb23 Yeah I agree with this. Before my husband and I got pregnant, I remember the two of us and my MIL were asked to watch my SIL’s kids. One of the kids behaved well, but the other one was very sassy and not cooperating with us or my MIL. We told my SIL all of this, and she still got the sassy one toys because she didn’t want him to feel “excluded”.

Kids shouldn’t expect to be rewarded for everytime they’re good either

 

[goody4me]

@ijtee So I have heard of a couple ways to help with this.

1) for like a grocery store - let her pick a food to put in the food bank donate bin. Explain you’re going to let her choose whatever can / food item she wants to give to people who don’t have enough money for food right now. It focused her on something she gets to choose and hold onto while you shop. It also helps teach her about being generous - plus more food for the foodbank. Win win.

2) people have already said it, but taking pictures of toys they love and “sending it to Santa” (or grandparents) is a great way to acknowledge they want it but reinforce that toys are for special occasions like Christmas and birthdays

 

[harvin1]

@ijtee Yeah your problem started at toy every shopping trip

 

[kmar123]

@ijtee In How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber and Julie King they discuss the idea of a wishlist. Write the thing down on a real piece of paper, maybe even draw a picture.

 

[needamiracle]

@ijtee I just told my 4 year old that it's too expensive and that we save expensive stuff for birthdays and christmas. Then I offer to take a picture of it to put on his list. And I do! I have a note in my phone I post the pics to. That way I can send those toy ideas to grandmas instead of giving them all my favorite gift ideas. Double win.

 

[katrina2017]

@ijtee I feel like $5 or $10 adds up if you're doing that every time you go to the store. There's going to be a bunch of clutter and low quality toys around your house too. Why not save up and get a nicer toy once a month? It will also teach them not to expect a toy every time they go to a store.

I like the idea the other parent had of choosing a piece of fruit. You could even let it be any kind of snack or any kind of healthy snack if you wanted.

 

[davida50]

@ijtee I say, “oh I love that, but it’s not on the list for today! Let’s take a picture of it so we remember it for next time.” My daughter usually doesn’t fall for my BS, but that one works every time!

 

[christinalyn24]

@ijtee We’ve just gotten ourselves out of a bit of debt and have overhauled our budget. Along with that has been a lot of questions regarding why we can’t get items from my older son (5). I’ve explained to him that we have a budget - and a budget means that we need to save up for special things, but that’s what actually makes them more special. To help him I’ve started noting down in our shopping shared note on my phone when he puts in a request for our budget. I tell him we will take it into consideration for next weeks pay. This is for things like play centres etc that our outside our normal weekly budget unless we plan in advance.

Last week he told me to add to my list colouring pens and also some chalk. So I did, and when I was out with him and we had a spare $10 I told him we had $10 to spend on those items and he got VERY excited.

Basically I’m just trying to teach him that we can’t afford everything all the time, BUT we respect that he has wishes too and that we will take them into consideration. I’m hoping that instead of managing money just being negative, he gets to see the positive aspects of it too.