@stateemil This is kind of how we operate too. My husband will get the baby anytime he wakes before my husband goes to sleep. My husband will also get our oldest if he wakes during the night. I do most of the baby wakeups, but he will help if I wake him. Usually, I only do that if I have been up for more than 1h or if I just got back to sleep myself. I ask for more help on the weekends.
Does your working partner help overnight?
- Thread starter daisy83
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@daisy83 When this was a factor for us we did shifts, she slept roughly 9-2 and I slept 2-7 so we both got a solid 5 hour block (in reality we both got a bit more dozing in that time ‘on shift’ of course depending on her age and the particular night). I would give a bottle when possible during my shift and only wake when needed, which was less as time went by.
Being on baby duty during the day was just as tiring as working for us and I didn’t need to be operating at absolute full capacity so could sacrifice some sleep.
Being on baby duty during the day was just as tiring as working for us and I didn’t need to be operating at absolute full capacity so could sacrifice some sleep.
johnjohnson55
New member
@daisy83 We both work full time right now (I plan on being a SAHM we just don’t know when yet). I do all night wakings (0 or 1 per night for our 20 month old) and I’m pregnant, due when she’s 24 months. I sleep in a Queen playpen with her and we both love it as does my husband who gets to be solo lol he makes a lot more money and has a much higher earning potential (hence me staying home soon) so he gets to sleep through the night. He’s also high sleep needs and I’m low sleep needs and I prefer to sleep with my daughter bc they’re only this little for so long!
I plan on sleeping with her and her brother when he’s older or having them share the Queen playpen bed. When did you start sleeping with them both? I was planning around 1 maybe? For them to sleep together without me I was thinking more like the youngest at 1.5 or 2? (We are short on space so ideally they’ll share her huge Queen bed in her room once he’s big enough)
I plan on sleeping with her and her brother when he’s older or having them share the Queen playpen bed. When did you start sleeping with them both? I was planning around 1 maybe? For them to sleep together without me I was thinking more like the youngest at 1.5 or 2? (We are short on space so ideally they’ll share her huge Queen bed in her room once he’s big enough)
@gautier I started sleeping with the older two in a double bed when the middle one was around 6 months, I just slept in between them. Before that she slept in a bedside sleeper next to me and the oldest. I know it’s not recommended but it’s what worked for us. I’m hoping they’ll be able to start sleeping together in the next 6 months or so!
stublackwell
New member
@daisy83 As soon as I got pregnant with my second, my husband took over night time wake ups with our oldest. When I got pregnant the third time, he took over our second as well. Our youngest is 15 months and I get up with her in the middle of the night. If I'm struggling to get her back to sleep my husband will take over. He usually stays up later than me so he'll also go in if she wakes up before he goes to bed.
It's totally reasonable to expect your husband to wake up with your older children. You need sleep, too!
It's totally reasonable to expect your husband to wake up with your older children. You need sleep, too!
skar_for_christ
New member
@daisy83 This sounds a lot like our situation with night wakings (4 month old, 2 year old, and 4 year old) except my 2 year old is still nursing too.
I handle all the night wakings with nursing (the baby and 2 year old) and my husband handles the 4 year old when he wakes up which is once a night or occasionally twice.
I will say if my 2 year old wasn’t nursing my husband would sure as heck be handling her night wakings since I’m nursing the baby every couple hours.
We take the approach that while my husband is at work, my job is being a SAHM. When my husband is done with his workday, we split the house/kid load and that definitely includes nighttime parenting for us.
Nights look like this: we co sleep, so basically my 2 year old and 4 year old start in their own beds, and baby is in bed next to me to start the night. So baby, me, husband is the order across the bed; I’m cuddle curled around baby. When my 2 year old wakes up, she comes into our room in between my husband and I so I can flip over and nurse her as she wakes and then cuddle curl back around baby. When my 4 year old wakes up my husband either goes and lays in his bed with him or he lays on the other side of my husband on the edge of the bed. So neither of the big kids are next to baby but we still manage to co sleep with multiple; it’s what works best for our family.
Good luck and I hope you can find a way to get some decent sleep!!
I handle all the night wakings with nursing (the baby and 2 year old) and my husband handles the 4 year old when he wakes up which is once a night or occasionally twice.
I will say if my 2 year old wasn’t nursing my husband would sure as heck be handling her night wakings since I’m nursing the baby every couple hours.
We take the approach that while my husband is at work, my job is being a SAHM. When my husband is done with his workday, we split the house/kid load and that definitely includes nighttime parenting for us.Nights look like this: we co sleep, so basically my 2 year old and 4 year old start in their own beds, and baby is in bed next to me to start the night. So baby, me, husband is the order across the bed; I’m cuddle curled around baby. When my 2 year old wakes up, she comes into our room in between my husband and I so I can flip over and nurse her as she wakes and then cuddle curl back around baby. When my 4 year old wakes up my husband either goes and lays in his bed with him or he lays on the other side of my husband on the edge of the bed. So neither of the big kids are next to baby but we still manage to co sleep with multiple; it’s what works best for our family.
Good luck and I hope you can find a way to get some decent sleep!!
@daisy83 It’s never been a question if my husband will wake up with the kids or not. We are both working, I’m just unpaid. Hours outside of my husband’s work schedule are split, and that includes nights. By your husband’s logic, if he wants you to handle all night wakings, your job is 24/7 while his remains 5:30-4:30. That seems excessive to me. We have a 9 month old and a 3 year old. When the baby wakes up, my husband wakes up to bring him to me to feed him, when my 3 year old wakes up, more often than not my husband goes to him. That being said, my husband has an office job and can still get everything done at work - no one will die if he’s a bit sleepy. 5:30am to 4:30pm is an awful long shift for you alone with the kids, and 5 weeks old is tiny!! You are still deeply in newborn days! Regardless, I’d say he should give you an hour or so from 4:30p-5:30pm where you can nap or rest or whatever.
@glamer85 He doesn’t actually get home from work until at least 5 sometimes closer to 6 if traffic is bad or he decides to work a bit late. Typically he gets home goes straight to the shower then we eat dinner and basically start bedtime. I feel like I’m drowning in newborn life, handling the older two and running the house with no sleep! I definitely think I’ll try to find a window for him to take over or get him to do weekend nights.
@daisy83 Absolutely. I demanded it
What we ended up doing was this: he had to be up at 5:30a so he was "on duty" until 11:30. After that I was on duty. So when one of the babies woke up we would both get up. In-duty parent would go to the bathroom, grab a water, grab a binkie, grab a burp cloth (baby bath towel), grab the baby's bottle, and sit up until baby was ready to be put down again. The off duty parent would change the diaper, reswaddle, hand off, make sure nothing else was needed, go to the bathroom, and go back to bed.
Due to the exhaustion, this wasn't always done with grace or good nature. But it was done, whether he liked it or not.
It doesn't matter that your partner has a paying job to go to. They're a parent. Night duty is part of parenting. You are both 100 % responsible for that little human 100% of the time. And when you start to feel guilty, because that's what we've been conditioned to feel, remember that of you died tomorrow, the funeral home doesn't send a replacement night nanny. They would be doing all the night work without any help from you. So it's better to work as a team since you actually have each other.
What we ended up doing was this: he had to be up at 5:30a so he was "on duty" until 11:30. After that I was on duty. So when one of the babies woke up we would both get up. In-duty parent would go to the bathroom, grab a water, grab a binkie, grab a burp cloth (baby bath towel), grab the baby's bottle, and sit up until baby was ready to be put down again. The off duty parent would change the diaper, reswaddle, hand off, make sure nothing else was needed, go to the bathroom, and go back to bed.
Due to the exhaustion, this wasn't always done with grace or good nature. But it was done, whether he liked it or not.
It doesn't matter that your partner has a paying job to go to. They're a parent. Night duty is part of parenting. You are both 100 % responsible for that little human 100% of the time. And when you start to feel guilty, because that's what we've been conditioned to feel, remember that of you died tomorrow, the funeral home doesn't send a replacement night nanny. They would be doing all the night work without any help from you. So it's better to work as a team since you actually have each other.
@daisy83 Have you considered trying to get the one year old sleeping in his own space? I’m not saying sleep train you can still respond to him anytime he wakes up just he may sleep more soundly on his own. My one year old sleeps in his own room through the night for 12 hours and I never sleep trained and breastfed him anytime he woke up, but at 17 months he started sleeping through the night. His sleep improved overall when I moved him out of our room into his own room at a year.
My husband does help with overnights even though he works.
My husband does help with overnights even though he works.
@daisy83 I can naturally stay up quite late and sleep heavier in the pre-dawn hours. My husband is the opposite. So I handle nights until I’m ready to tap out then it’s on him.
I think this works out best for a SAHP because he gets to sleep most of the night, if we predict it will be an awful night he goes to bed the same time as the kids to get nearly 8 hours. And I get uninterrupted sleep before the kids wake up peppy and ready to go, then can nap during nap time. (4yo no longer naps but can be told “it is nap time your choice is to watch TV quietly while mama sleeps on the couch or go to your room for nap time” … He has tested that and knows I’m not playing.)
I think this works out best for a SAHP because he gets to sleep most of the night, if we predict it will be an awful night he goes to bed the same time as the kids to get nearly 8 hours. And I get uninterrupted sleep before the kids wake up peppy and ready to go, then can nap during nap time. (4yo no longer naps but can be told “it is nap time your choice is to watch TV quietly while mama sleeps on the couch or go to your room for nap time” … He has tested that and knows I’m not playing.)
katrina2017
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ilovejesus215
New member
@daisy83 Hi - just came here to say you are also a working partner. There are 2 working partners. This gives you a deficit that your partner doesn’t get in the same way. You both are responsible for the night. It needs to be a split. Figure out what makes it as close to even (and it might not be by hours but by effort since some people go to sleep easier or wake up easier).
roland7777
New member
@daisy83 No. I do night times. And i.nap In the day. I have an eye hook latch on the inside of my bed room if I need to close my eyes for an hour, I make sure everyone has a fully belly and a dry diaper, I put on cartoons, and I close my eyes for an hour. My room is child proof so if I fall asleep everyone is safe, tho I usually try and get them to fall asleep, too, at least for a few minutes. Sometimes, it works.