Does anybody else enjoy coparenting?

[oar]

But in regards to co-parenting, so long as you trust that the other parent adores your kids as much as you and they’ll always try to do right, even if the dynamic between parents isn’t perfect, yes, co-parenting can give you pieces of your life back. I’ve found it easier to reclaim my self identity in the moments my son is having fun at dad’s, which in turn humanize me and allow me my interests, so I’m a person and not just a parent to my kiddo. I think that’s important for them to witness as well. Self-autonomy

 

[sedonarose]

@oar I’m glad it works for you

 

[needsomeadvice]

@sedonarose Loads of benefits to it that just couldn't be practically replicated in a nuclear family. Expectations that aren't communicated, negotiated and resolved are usually the biggest problems people face in co-parenting. Poor relationship stuff.

The reality of co-parenting is that there are to be two support systems, as opposed to one. That's more variables to negotiate.

After processing the prison of our past decisions, co-parenting is easier than nuclear parenting.

 

[jacquiepenny]

@sedonarose I don't necessarily like dealing with my ex but I *definitely* think I have it easier than *alot* of women (when my ex used to be consistent with getting our child). When he was getting her regularly I felt so bad for women who were making tiktoks and other posts about how they have to ask their husbands to do simple things and how they never even get to go to the store or even the bathroom alone. When my daughter is with her dad I get to shower in peace, sleep in as much as I want. Watch what I want. Do whatever I want and be single and childless for a few days. I love it lmao. I 100% think I would've been like the women who hardly get a break if he still lived with us. Even now that he's not doing as much parenting as he used to, just not having to deal with HIS crap has reduced my physical and mental load IMMENSELY.

Edit: I've also seen a side effect of where men finally have no choice but to step up when they're given parenting time all on their own as a co-parent rather than parenting with a live-in girlfriend/wife. Especially if she has strong boundaries as a co-parent and refuses to pack bags for the kids, refuses to act as a secretary calling drs and teachers on his behalf, truly takes her hands off it and says "not my circus, not my monkeys" on his parenting time, he finally gets to step up and she gets to turn her brain off for once.

 

[chillchristian]

@sedonarose We're on week 4 of our new 50/50 coparenting schedule. I get them one week, ex the next. I didn't think I'd like it, but I do. I get to sleep in 5 days a week (work from home 3 days a week), I don't have to manage anyone's schedule but mine, I don't hear whining when I cook food I like. I miss them, of course, but I have time for me which is something I haven't had in 7 years.

 

[hartsongjoy]

@sedonarose My ex-SO and I still live together for the time being, until our lease is up/he's able to afford his own place, but the idea of having my kid 50% of the time, and having "me time" the other 50%, is what I'm looking forward to. I'm a special needs mom living in a state completely separate from my family and do not have any other resources, like respite, to give me a break from caring for my son 24/7. I'm also currently the default parent due to my ex-SO's work schedule (and mine), so I'd love to see more of the day-to-day responsibilities fall in his lap.

 

[xereco]

@sedonarose I would love it so much if I had an emotionally healthy coparent that didn't feel the need to harass me. It feels like the way we are supposed to raise children rather than being on top them and them on top of us 24/7. Sounds like you have a coparent that pulls their weight.

 

[purelife]

@sedonarose Not to generalize, but I suspect you will find a lot of dads that like it. Please prove me wrong, dads!

I think my ex-husband is a better father only having the kids 50% of the time. He was an absolute crab about having them wake him up every day, the noise, the interruptions. Everything. Cutting down to 50% is the right amount for his abilities/patience.

Personally, I hate it. I miss them like crazy and want them with me every day. I could do it all on my own and not even blink. It feels unnatural and icky for me to not have them here. But! Their relationship with their father is significant and important. It's not about me. So, this is what we do.

 

[sedonarose]

@purelife Thanks for your perspective! My STBXW seemingly can’t handle the responsibility on her own. Her parents are effectively doing more parenting than she is. I don’t think it’s a gender issue, but maybe the generalization still applies on average. Who knows.

Solo parenting also allows me to parent without constant criticism. For example, I couldn’t read a bedtime story to my kids without my STBXW complaining that my voice was too excited, I chose the wrong book, the light is too bright. I still looking over my shoulder awaiting someone to tell me I’m doing it wrong.

I’m somewhat introverted so the time off lets me recharge. When I’m with the kids, it’s nonstop talking and playing. And my sleep is crap due to the co-sleeping issue I mentioned. I’m trying to encourage the kids to sleep in their own beds but it’s a process.

 

[kevinmccue]

@sedonarose What is STBXW

 

[sedonarose]

@kevinmccue Soon to be ex wife

 

[katrina2017]

@purelife I'm a mother and I love it too. I miss them like crazy as well but it's worth not having to be with my ex

 

[purelife]

@katrina2017 Ohhh you're right about that!! Cannot stand the man.

 

[shekinah1978]

@sedonarose Before the split, I was the parent who did EVERYTHING. TBH I was looking forward to coparenting. I thought maybe their dad would finally grow up and become responsible, and start being a parent. And I thought maybe I could have a little break.

But unfortunately he's shown that he's not a safe person, and the courts care more about his parental rights than the safety of the children he's endangering.

So, coparenting is scary as hell for me.

 

[katrina2017]

@sedonarose I absolutely love it. I get half the week to do my own thing and not worry what meal I'm going to make for a picky eater.

Plus my marriage was very much like OPs, always under scrutiny from my ex and it was destructive to my self esteem. I'm glad I don't have someone chirping at me every damn second when I parent how I see fit. We are much better parents apart than together.

 

[confused12]

@sedonarose 100% It’s so much better for everyone to just get to do what needs to be done without having to ask permission and forgiveness constantly. I think my kid is better off for it, too. Since now I imagine we each get to look like adults.

And while I love my kid fully, those days in between get a lot of stuff done.

 

[dennisbon]

@sedonarose I find myself wanting them all the time. Which Ik is super unreasonable. Especially bc I’m a step. But I feel bad for them going back and forth to different households living double lives. We never bash their mom or her choices, but she lets them skip school whenever, have unlimited screen time, sleeps with them every night at 6 and 8.

I feel like they have a lot of stability when we wind up taking them for 2+ weeks. Doing the important things isn’t a struggle for them (or us). You know.. waking/sleeping on time, hygiene, homework, eating, being respectful, cleaning up messes. They seem so much more independent and functional when they new here for extended periods.

 

[nguyencuong9102]

@sedonarose No. I hate it

You are wrong about cosleeping, too.

 

[sedonarose]

@nguyencuong9102 Thanks for your perspective. Can you explain more about cosleeping?

 

[nguyencuong9102]

@sedonarose There is nothing wrong with cosleeping.

If it doesn't work for you, fine, but it is not weird or inappropriate. Parents should do whatever gets everyone the most sleep. It's sleep, which is necessary.

Further, you complain about your ex criticizing you, and then you criticize her.