Daughter broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years & it’s like I’m going through a breakup.

[katrina2017]

@tam19922 Families like this are an absolute dream for horny young men who want no responsibility.

Mugs, is what I call them.

Let’s be honest, it’s not supporting. It’s cowardice. Sorry .

It is not difficult to say the guy is trash, see him if you want, don’t bring him here.

The guy needs a strong message.

You people have absolutely no balls. You will be walked all over in life with that attitude.

No consequences, do as you like, treat my daughter like dirt, because pleasing you and making her feel better is the most important thing.

It is very very easy not to stick your dick into other women.

There are thousands of men out there who don’t. You get one chance,

I promise you, he will do it again. And they will once again say “there there, I forgive you because I really don’t want to rock the boat”

Please someone get the father on the scene.

They could be married one day, with kids, and there’s potential he will Waltz off to a new family and leave her high and dry.

Why? They did not teach her to respect herself.

 

[msmistk0]

@katrina2017 Dude, take a breath.

 

[katrina2017]

@msmistk0 It annoys me people are so weak, and they are actually sticking up for this guy by downvoting me.

The standard of parenting on this sub is disgusting. All over you if you accidentally gender something but guys cheating on their daughters and it’s “there there, never mind”

No wonder we have raised such a valueless and vapid generation.

Have some fking standards FFS.

 

[msmistk0]

@katrina2017 You are coming across a little unhinged. People don’t want to take advice from someone that can’t control their emotions.

 

[shippugarg]

@davedarcy Agreed… young love is so hard and the pain is worse staying apart and so you give in and get back together. Hopefully it won’t become a vicious cycle!

 

[sylvie]

I get that they are young, but the way he did this is what makes me so upset. All the time he was gone and cheating on her, he was also making plans for their future. She is supposed to go in a trip with him next month that is non refundable. Right now she says they’re going to stay friends and she’ll still go, but I hate that idea but she’s an adult and I have to let her make her own decisions. It was so much easier to be a parent when she was five.

 

[amy2233]

@sylvie I’m so sorry, OP. It’s painful. And cheaters usually act a certain way.. to look “perfect”, make promises that they just can’t keep. All talk and no action, or if there is an action done on their part, it’s the complete opposite of what you’d thought it would be. And I’m glad the trash took itself out, to be honest. Your daughter deserves so much better

Just continue to support her. Imo still going to this trip with him isn’t a good idea, and I would try to have her reconsider. Is there any way she can go with another friend instead?

 

[sylvie]

@amy2233 The issue is cost. She bought the ticket early so it was cheaper. The ticket is now $1100 just to fly there. I will happily pay for the original ticket and let it die and then she can plan another trip with her sister (they’re close). The other issue is language. He speaks Japanese and she doesn’t, so going without him will be more difficult. Her sister is trying to talk her into going to Europe or Argentina instead. (Both took Spanish in school).

 

[amy2233]

@sylvie Hopefully she takes you up on your offer that you’ll pay for the original ticket, and hopefully she’ll want to go with her sister somewhere else that’s a good idea

 

[restorationlight]

@sylvie Hell no. Are you a woman? Don’t speak to her as mom, speak to her as a woman. Two strikes and you are out, mother-f$vk3r. Her words are to be: I deserve better than you. Get the fi3k out.

So he speaks Japanese and she does not which means he has ALL the power over there. Yikes. Show your daughter my post and don’t go to Japan.

It is a bad idea to have zero power. No matter the cost.

Like a baby, he will haven’t order her food over there or assist in the most low level activities, like finding a public toilet. Fuck that shit. Eat the cost. Money will come again but a woman with zero power with a demonstrated cheater is insanity.

She’ll go over there, he’ll get sweet, they’ll have sex, she will get an STD. If she needs a doctor, she will depend on him for EVERYTHING. One earthquake tremor and she‘ll need him to translate how to read the signs of where to go to not get hurt. If she gets one menstrual cramp or a feminine product at the store, he has to go with her because she doesn’t speak the language. How dreadful.

 

[jaycob]

@restorationlight I don’t disagree with your post, being powerless is an awful
thing of course.

However, I found it quite easy to get by in Japan with just knowing a few main phrases, the country felt very welcoming to an English-speaker.

Again, not disagreeing, just adding a separate anecdote for anyone who might read this and think Japan is not welcoming to people who don’t speak Japanese.

 

[restorationlight]

@jaycob What you say is true, and I’m one of the biggest fans of Japan. I would never disparage Japan or the people of Japan. I apologize if I came across that way.

I stand by my words.

 

[kennywayne99]

@jaycob And now you have AI translation for everything, even speech. The language barrier will not be a problem, at all. She still should not go, obviously.

Eat the ticket and let her and her sister decide where to go.

 

[rebecca1918]

@restorationlight I agree with this big time. OP, show your daughter comment. Traveling to a place where she literally cannot communicate without his assistance sounds like an absolutely horrible idea for a number of reasons. I know she’s an adult, but please try and talk her out of going. She can switch the tickets and you can eat the cost like you offered. I just don’t see anything positive coming out of that trip.

 

[jeffreysdawn]

@restorationlight I perdon think she can go alone. A lot of Japanese people speak english and thank God for translating apps. I think truly she just wants him back and by doing this trip she thinks of it as a honeymoon vacations. I don't think she realizes that this decision of her will impact the rest of her future. The guy is a snake not just because of the cheating (that can happen to anyone) but the way he did it is disgusting. If she goes back with him and pops a baby out... oh my.. Idk... that's gonna be worse. Now everyone knows and she is not thinking about her parents either, because I would be fuc*$( embarrassed to go back to a pos like him. Love doesn't mean you have to humiliate yourself nor be humiliated. I feel bad for OP but all she can do is advice her grown daughter.

 

[jaycob]

@sylvie I agree she shouldn’t go on the trip, or if she does, simply fly there and then do her own thing while there (I realise some accom might be booked but that may be cheaper than cancelling the whole trip).

However, going to Japan while not being able to speak the language is perfectly fine. Phrases like thank you, excuse me etc are really all you need to get by. I used the google translate camera app a lot to look at ingredients lists and the rare place that didn’t have an english menu. Either way, as an english speaker I never felt unwelcome or found it difficult to communicate.

That point aside, I’d definitely recommend a no-contact approach. Anything else prolongs the hurt, especially after being cheated on. If they already have accomodation booked together, sleeping in the same room doesn’t seem functional to me after.

If possible, maybe offer to pay for new accomodation and she can take the existing flights? Japan as a solo-traveller is very highly recommended.

 

[gsbc1]

@sylvie She should not go. This has trouble written all over it. I would give her the money if need be. This is an absolutely terrible decision. All I can see is he hurts her there and she has no power or way to fix things easily.

 

[vilucol]

@sylvie She is on the way to live a life of hurt if she doesn't learn her lessons the first time around. You need to be tough and state your opinion clearly that she shouldn't go on the trip and that they shouldn't remain friends. He shouldn't have access to her again period!There is no need to play saint or "love is forgiveness" or " everyone deserves a second chance" or whatever she is trying to prove to him or to herself. That boy will not change and it will only get worse, he has the audacity for it. If you are scared to be tough on her, get someone who can do it on your behalf without her knowing you asked them to.

 

[reasonoverfaith]

@sylvie This is sunk cost fallacy at play. Just take the L!

 

[sylvie]

@reasonoverfaith I agreed with that. She decided not to go!