@mandy2010 Putting pillows down is raised as a major risk factor when bed sharing, DO NOT do this!
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Cosleeping vs bed sharing for 4 month old
- Thread starter xuanang01
- Start date
cherish616
New member
@mandy2010 This is why many bedsharers simply put their mattress on the floor. It is a very simply solution. Sorry your daughter got hurt.
@cherish616 The room was not big enough.
@xuanang01 My province just changed their stance on bedsharing after some research came out earlier this year that suggested it was as safe if the safe sleep seven are followed.
Here's the gov page, it might be a good read for you:
https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/pregnan...s-0-12-months/baby-safety/safer-sleep-my-baby
Here's the gov page, it might be a good read for you:
https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/pregnan...s-0-12-months/baby-safety/safer-sleep-my-baby
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/...e-infant-sleep-and-breastfeeding-are-partners
This is also a good read backed by a lot of research
This is also a good read backed by a lot of research
@xuanang01 No matter how you cut it, the science is clear — sharing a bed is less safe than a separate bed for suffocation and sids. However I did bed share with both of my kids because they had horrendous reflux and laryngomalacia. If they choked I needed to hear and be there immediately. The risks of choking outweighed the risks of SIDS for us. Also, when I tried the crib, they’d scream all night. When they did sleep, I couldn’t sleep for fear they’d choke. And me not sleeping was also more dangerous to them than Sids would be. You just have to weigh the risks and then do whatever you decide as safely as possible. We got a thin and ultra firm king sized bed pad and put it in the middle of the room on the floor with no blankets. Once babies were asleep, I scooted away. They essentially had their “own” bed because they’d have to roll several times to get to me. I also never drink or smoke or do any drugs etc. It worked out for us, but I am well aware that them being in their own crib would be safer for SIDS and suffocation. But again, there were other risks for us, and you have to consider all aspects. My pediatrician supported what we ultimately did.
areianistis
New member
substatica
New member
@xuanang01 I’m noting here that OP’s child is now 4 months old.
https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/resources/providers/downloadable/infographic_byage
This info graphic from NIH shows that the bulk of SIDS happens in months 1-4, and only 10% after 6 months.
So this is not an all or nothing decision.
I tried to go back to work at about 5 months with my older daughter following the guidelines and the lack of sleep was unbearable and I fell asleep in the recliner with her at least once. Obviously unsafe.
I started bedsharing with her at about 6 months. The bulk of the SIDS risk had passed. I also let her start the night in her crib then brought her in bed when she woke up. She was also breastfeeding.
https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/resources/providers/downloadable/infographic_byage
This info graphic from NIH shows that the bulk of SIDS happens in months 1-4, and only 10% after 6 months.
So this is not an all or nothing decision.
I tried to go back to work at about 5 months with my older daughter following the guidelines and the lack of sleep was unbearable and I fell asleep in the recliner with her at least once. Obviously unsafe.
I started bedsharing with her at about 6 months. The bulk of the SIDS risk had passed. I also let her start the night in her crib then brought her in bed when she woke up. She was also breastfeeding.
@substatica I started cosleeping with my baby after I fell asleep several times while breastfeeding on the couch or sitting up in bed or in other unsafe locations. In attempt to keep myself awake I would use my phone and I dropped my phone on my baby!
Falling asleep breastfeeding my baby became unavoidable due to sleep deprivation. So it made sense to our family to bed share.
Like many others I found that I naturally curled in a C shape around my baby and we slept without bed covers.
I decided that I was more comfortable with the risk involved in cosleeping and breastfeeding my son lying down than the risk involved in falling asleep with him while sitting up.
Falling asleep breastfeeding my baby became unavoidable due to sleep deprivation. So it made sense to our family to bed share.
Like many others I found that I naturally curled in a C shape around my baby and we slept without bed covers.
I decided that I was more comfortable with the risk involved in cosleeping and breastfeeding my son lying down than the risk involved in falling asleep with him while sitting up.
regondifan
New member
@dototkom I fell asleep a couple of times holding my baby so now we side lie and feed because it’s safer to accidentally fall asleep in a prepared bed than falling asleep sitting up or in a chair. But she sleeps in her own cot. In fact it’s 4am and I’ve just put her back in her cot. You can avoid the risk of falling asleep sitting up and still not bedshare.
@xuanang01 I had/have my babies in the bed beside me (until about 10 months). I also used a cosleeper crib and could slide them into it when they settled. We tend to get good sleep however they do tend to look for feeds as they can smell me (exclusively breastfeeding). I tend to dreamfeed to keep them asleep. This works for us and I have my bed setup for cosleeping. However I’d advise that as you are moving around different hotels, you will need to assess each time for baby safety - eg if the mattress is too soft or blankets too thick etc. maybe create a checklist. I’d recommend a cosleeper crib but they are usually only advised up to 6 months so it may not be worth the investment now. If you are set on sharing the bed maybe a portable bed rail would be a good idea so baby doesn’t roll out (they can get pretty mobile 4+ months)
@xuanang01 Cosleeping is very normal in the UK, and is safer than not cosleeping for SIDS as long as you follow the safer cosleeping guidance (I hope you don't like pillows!).
We had two weeks of very similar to you until our health visitor suggested cosleeping and its been an absolute godsend. He sleeps through and also "sleep eats" as he's breastfed so just sort of nuzzles up and eats.
Mine is now at 9 months though and there's no sign of him leaving the bed at any point so that is a fair warning. If they get used to it it's quite difficult to get them out.
There's also some really nice consequences I didn't think of, one being that my baby doesn't cry for me in the night. He just hits me in the face if he needs me (still working on those motor skills!) and so he's not getting stressed. He's a really happy baby and we have a really close bond, I think cosleeping and the glut of skin to skin contact and on demand feeding he gets helps with that. And he is CHUNKY, he's on the 98th percentile but is well proportioned as he's tall. I do think the benefits outweigh the risks.
We had two weeks of very similar to you until our health visitor suggested cosleeping and its been an absolute godsend. He sleeps through and also "sleep eats" as he's breastfed so just sort of nuzzles up and eats.
Mine is now at 9 months though and there's no sign of him leaving the bed at any point so that is a fair warning. If they get used to it it's quite difficult to get them out.
There's also some really nice consequences I didn't think of, one being that my baby doesn't cry for me in the night. He just hits me in the face if he needs me (still working on those motor skills!) and so he's not getting stressed. He's a really happy baby and we have a really close bond, I think cosleeping and the glut of skin to skin contact and on demand feeding he gets helps with that. And he is CHUNKY, he's on the 98th percentile but is well proportioned as he's tall. I do think the benefits outweigh the risks.
@xuanang01 No study has shown an This study showed no increased SIDS risk associated with bedsharing in the absence of specific risk factors. These risk factors include alcohol use, drug use, smoking, pre-term birth.
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0107799
Between 1993 and 2015, the practice of bedsharing grew in the US from 6% to 24%.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsa...ng-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say
In the same period of time, cases of SIDS in the US declined.
https://www.cdc.gov/sids/data.htm
Come to your own conclusion and do what is best for you and your family.
Edit: corrected for accuracy, see comments below.
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0107799
Between 1993 and 2015, the practice of bedsharing grew in the US from 6% to 24%.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsa...ng-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say
In the same period of time, cases of SIDS in the US declined.
https://www.cdc.gov/sids/data.htm
Come to your own conclusion and do what is best for you and your family.
Edit: corrected for accuracy, see comments below.
@ibilly That is incorrect - Carpenter did show increase in absence of alcohol use, drug use and preterm birth.
It found that for babies less than 3 months old, who are exclusively breastfed, have nonsmoking parents, and whose mothers had not had any alcohol or drugs in 24 hours, the increased risk of SIDS because of bedsharing was 5x (I know OP's baby is four months old - I just want to correct your point above).
Carpenter also found that smoking, alcohol and drug use significantly increase the risk beyond that to up to 18x more risky.
Bedsharing has increased in the US, and SIDS has fallen, that's true. However, most parents use SIDS as the catchall term for "babies died in their sleep." Not to get too in the weeds, but the term for 'babies died in their sleep' is Sudden Unexpected Infant Death. That term encompasses refers to 3 death codes (R95 [SIDS], R96 [unexplained sudden death in children] and W75 [accidental suffocation or strangulation in bed]).
SIDS rates did fall between the 90s and 2015, but deaths coded as W75 (suffocation) rose by 184%.
It found that for babies less than 3 months old, who are exclusively breastfed, have nonsmoking parents, and whose mothers had not had any alcohol or drugs in 24 hours, the increased risk of SIDS because of bedsharing was 5x (I know OP's baby is four months old - I just want to correct your point above).
Carpenter also found that smoking, alcohol and drug use significantly increase the risk beyond that to up to 18x more risky.
Bedsharing has increased in the US, and SIDS has fallen, that's true. However, most parents use SIDS as the catchall term for "babies died in their sleep." Not to get too in the weeds, but the term for 'babies died in their sleep' is Sudden Unexpected Infant Death. That term encompasses refers to 3 death codes (R95 [SIDS], R96 [unexplained sudden death in children] and W75 [accidental suffocation or strangulation in bed]).
SIDS rates did fall between the 90s and 2015, but deaths coded as W75 (suffocation) rose by 184%.
@joew1983 I hadn't read the Carpenter research, thank you for sharing. Even in Carpenter's research, the SIDS death rate was found to be 0.00023% with risk factors other than bedsharing removed. The risk of dying from the flu is 0.000163% and I still choose to leave my house and risk possible exposure. Of course I do everything I can to reduce exposure within reason. I personally look at bedsharing as a statistically similar risk. It is also worth noting that Carpenter's research is on the older side (2013).
People really overestimate risk in favor of emotionally charged individual experiences.
People really overestimate risk in favor of emotionally charged individual experiences.
@ibilly Yes! It's important to assess relative risk and I do think people deserve the information to do so. The risk of SIDS while ABC sleeping is very low—so an increase in risk is still (thankfully!) a very small number of kids!
However, note that your risk percentage above only looks at SIDS, not SUID broadly (in the data Carpenter was reviewing, any deaths where it was obvious that cause of death was suffocation (ie, coded as ASSB), if there was a risk of hyperthermia, or even if the parent was overtired (
However, note that your risk percentage above only looks at SIDS, not SUID broadly (in the data Carpenter was reviewing, any deaths where it was obvious that cause of death was suffocation (ie, coded as ASSB), if there was a risk of hyperthermia, or even if the parent was overtired (
@ibilly I find the timing of the bedsharing increase so interesting because if correlates almost exactly with the Back to Sleep campaign and ABCs. Those guidelines essentially keep babies in a lighter sleep, meaning they aren’t sleeping as well, and neither are parents. Bedsharing deaths have increased in the same timeframe. Sales of sleep devices and loungers have also increased during that time (assuming to counteract the sleeplessness of following ABCs). This is all speculation on my part but it’s super intriguing to me.
@xuanang01 My husband and I were nervous about cosleeping for obvious reasons and so we opted for a floor bed for our son. We made his room baby safe so he could go anywhere or do anything and be relatively safe. Then, we started snuggling him to sleep while nursing and later with a bottle (taking bottle away as soon as he was done) and snuggling him a tiny bit longer until he’s in a deeper state of sleep. Then, we sneak away and sleep farther away from him.
His floor bed mattress was the firmest 3inch one we could find. We also have it in the very middle of his room so he can’t get stuck between a wall or furniture. If he rolls off the bed, he rolls onto the floor and then will hit a firm surface like a wall if he rolls far enough, which doesn’t happen very often.
This makes it so much easier to soothe him to sleep and is way more comfortable for us. It might be a good stepping stone for you to try until your baby is old enough to bedshare if the sleep issues don’t get resolved before then.
His floor bed mattress was the firmest 3inch one we could find. We also have it in the very middle of his room so he can’t get stuck between a wall or furniture. If he rolls off the bed, he rolls onto the floor and then will hit a firm surface like a wall if he rolls far enough, which doesn’t happen very often.
This makes it so much easier to soothe him to sleep and is way more comfortable for us. It might be a good stepping stone for you to try until your baby is old enough to bedshare if the sleep issues don’t get resolved before then.
@xuanang01 This is such a hot topic. But most importantly YOU NEED TO GET MORE SLEEP. As you said, flying that sleep deprived is incredibly dangerous. You need to figure out how to do this. If your partner can take on some more of the sleep debt safely, consider that.
Re: bedsharing...
I've seen a few people already post links or topics I was going to suggest (BC gov't page, issues with separating safe bedsharing from all bedsharing, different countries including/excluding certain deaths in SIDS.) Note that the gov't page linked by another user does NOT recommend bedsharing. The Canadian Pediatric Society just recently acknowledged how prevalent bed sharing is (2/3 of parents will at some point) and so felt it prudent to release guidance on how to do it as safely as possible.
We weighed several factors in our decision making. We wanted to try and follow best practices as much as possible. But at 4 months sleep got hard and he out grew his bassinet. "The NICHD notes that SIDS is most common when an infant is between 1–4 months old. Additionally, more than 90% of SIDS deaths occur before the age of 6 months old." This fact made me more comfortable bedsharing starting at 4 months.
We also discussed it with our doctor, and were ideal candidates based on the safe sleep seven.
My advice to new parents is always to research the safe sleep seven, but try to follow best safe sleep practices as much as possible. A sleep deprived parent is more likely to accidentally fall asleep with their infant in an unsafe sleep environment if they are unprepared and uneducated on how to do it (relatively) safely. I loved bedsharing honestly, it worked for our family, but I do not think it should be plan A and is not our plan A for our next child, at least not for the first 4 months. It sounds like it may be time for you to move on to plan B... whatever that may be.
Re: bedsharing...
I've seen a few people already post links or topics I was going to suggest (BC gov't page, issues with separating safe bedsharing from all bedsharing, different countries including/excluding certain deaths in SIDS.) Note that the gov't page linked by another user does NOT recommend bedsharing. The Canadian Pediatric Society just recently acknowledged how prevalent bed sharing is (2/3 of parents will at some point) and so felt it prudent to release guidance on how to do it as safely as possible.
We weighed several factors in our decision making. We wanted to try and follow best practices as much as possible. But at 4 months sleep got hard and he out grew his bassinet. "The NICHD notes that SIDS is most common when an infant is between 1–4 months old. Additionally, more than 90% of SIDS deaths occur before the age of 6 months old." This fact made me more comfortable bedsharing starting at 4 months.
We also discussed it with our doctor, and were ideal candidates based on the safe sleep seven.
My advice to new parents is always to research the safe sleep seven, but try to follow best safe sleep practices as much as possible. A sleep deprived parent is more likely to accidentally fall asleep with their infant in an unsafe sleep environment if they are unprepared and uneducated on how to do it (relatively) safely. I loved bedsharing honestly, it worked for our family, but I do not think it should be plan A and is not our plan A for our next child, at least not for the first 4 months. It sounds like it may be time for you to move on to plan B... whatever that may be.
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