Called 9-11 on daughter

[mel]

@jar1437 A lot of people have suggested it already but I’ll echo your daughter needs inpatient treatment. Call your insurance for guidance on what treatment centers they cover and get to an eating disorder specific mental health treatment center for assessment. Research the best ones with the best alternative therapies like OT, equine therapy, etc. The best one covered by your insurance.

At your daughters age family based therapy is going to be recommended as best however I highly suggest given the family dynamic described you advocate against this. My advice is as an unfortunately lifelong anorexic and a mother not a professional. Remove your relationship as a mother from the disease as much as possible. Your communication with the disease as her mother should be objective in advocating for best professional care. While you will see many glorious sugar coated stories about FBT I don’t personally believe your place as her mother can be maintained if you step into a coat on her care team. My advice is to get her the best care and also do not argue with anorexia. You don’t argue about snacks but if she can’t maintain her prescribed meal plan she knows (from her actual care team) she will go back to treatment. You can encourage her but you do not argue with anorexia. Know you are not arguing with your daughter in these moments. She is gone when her food defense comes up. You as her mother are there to support her for how hard recovery that will be. This will be a repeat support job. She needs you to be there when she is ready to cry about how defeated she feels. You listen to her, you acknowledge how hard it is, but her care plan as someone with a severe and potentially deadly medical illness is not in your hands and should not be.

Don’t let any psychiatrist or therapist make you feel bad for not doing FBT either. It is not your job to reduce the risk they have with their absolutely riskiest clients. Make them treat their own clients instead of having parents traumatizing kids through lack of education. I’ve literally read of parents on FBT forums handcuffing their “manipulative anorexic” teens to chairs and force feeding them in name of FBT. Head into eating disorder forums and you will see teens describing how they are acting love and compliance until they can get out of dodge for college. This is why I don’t believe the self reported FBT success metrics. Are all FBT parents abusive? No, of course not. But when you think your kid is just a manipulative liar through advice of professionals and you are at wits end arguing with anorexia that is a recipe for disaster!

 

[emily2010]

@jar1437 I'm so sorry that you're going through this but please remember you did the right thing and calling 911. I understand that she is struggling with some mental health issues and her eating disorder. However we all are responsible for our behaviors and have to suffer the consequences of said behaviors. She's not too young to learn that. Yes she definitely needs impatient treatment counseling for her and for the family. Mom don't feel bad most kids don't like their parents at that age anyway and she's struggling and we always take it out on the ones we love the most. Get her and your family into counseling and treatment but also I think it's important to continue practicing tough love along with understanding and patience. It's a tough line to tow but with the professional help y'all can get it done. My son struggled for years with anger issues he never hit me but would destroy the walls and furniture and things of that sort and his tantrums and I have called 911 on him a few times for doing those things. A couple of times he spent the night in jail but that was of his own making not mine we are all responsible for our own behaviors and we have to suffer the consequences and when he acted out if that's what I needed to do that's what I did. We started family counseling got him counseling and now he's pushing 40 years old and we couldn't be closer. He understands now what I did was for his benefit and out of Love. It took him a while to understand that but he eventually got it. Hang in there Mom you're doing great just remember to get her the help and your family the help that it desperately needs before it's too late

 

[victorspear2011]

@jar1437 My younger son had a lot of behavior problems. When he was 14, he got into an argument with his older brother (age 16) and pulled a knife on him. Neither my husband or me were at home at the time. He didn’t do anything but threaten his brother, but I told my older son that if his brother tries that again, call the police.

I changed my tune when a 14 year old boy in a neighboring city pulled out a knife and threatened his family. They called the police, who came and shot the boy, killing him.

 

[stefani]

@jar1437 I work in community mental health with kiddos and have seen these situations where 9-1-1 is called and cops come. You are not alone, and you’re not terrible for asking for help in this situation. I’m sorry you and your daughter are going through this, it sounds like a really tough situation.

 

[reneewly]

@jar1437 Yes, this is absolutely a crisis and it was a stupid move to call a police officer (who are notoriously dangerous too) on your daughter who clearly has a severe eating disorder. At this point she needs hospital/inpatient care with providers that specialise in EDs and comorbid issues.

 

[chimbereko]

@jar1437 Safety first. When a child has a weapon and are old enough that you can't remove it without one of you getting hurt, and isn't in the right of mind to be talked down, you need help. Both of you were at risk and you made the decision, as a parent, to protect you both from that. It's also a good lesson for her to have, that she can't threaten people with deadly weapons. I hope your referral goes well and that she's doing better soon ♡

 

[funnygirlecu]

@jar1437 Whoah, bro, did you time travel back to when O was 13? I literally, almost word for word, action for action, did the same thing. The culprit? A freaking peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Would I rather have been dead? Yes. I really rather die than eat that high sugared monstrosity. Did my mom and I get into a physical altercation? Sure did. Police called? Check. I hated her with every ounce of my being at that moment.

There was two big take aways from this as a child. One - my mother would push me to the point of fantasizing about my suicide over a sandwich on any day of the week. Two - my mother was not to be trusted.

Now, that eating disorder went unchecked by professionals for years. Which, played parallel to depression and anxiety. I thought I was better off dead well into my twenties.

My mom didn’t want me suicidal. She saw eating disorder symptoms when I was 12 and took matters into her own hands. How can you not? It’s your baby. The 9 month old you crawled after. The tiny feet you held in your hands. You vowed nothing would hurt her.

The way I viewed myself, was not precious as my mom viewed me. It was something else. Something not me. Something ugly and flawed. And thin was the cure. No one would make me see that. Certainly not by my mom, who I felt was required to call me beautiful.

I needed professional help and so did my mom. She didn’t know how to navigate mental illness, and didn’t mean to push me to crisis. I forgave her long after I should have. I’m actually apologetic for my behavior. God, what a stress it had to been on her. But that self actualization doesn’t come until later (and for me, with professional help).

 

[donell]

@jar1437 Honestly, this is a 911 situation. I’m sorry it wasn’t handled well. It sounds like she needed to go to the ER for psych hold. I’d explore more intense treatment options. She’s obviously not getting what she needs. Some Private residential is great, but expensive. Five day per week outpatient can be tremendously helpful at a fraction of the cost.

 

[numb3rs]

@jar1437 OMG no Mom!! You did the right thing, and maybe now your daughter can get the help she needs.