Am I a petty coparent?

[darrenclay]

@imoh My other option: don’t sign the kids up for any activities?

 

[imoh]

@darrenclay No just sign them up for things you both agree upon if it's going to be during both of your time. If you can't agree don't sign them up for stuff that occurs on his time.

Maybe ask ahead of time if there are any other activities he would like to do with the kids that can be done on both of your time.

 

[darrenclay]

@imoh Oh maybe I didn’t make it clear but he already stated that he supports no extra curricular activities and will not for the foreseeable future and that’s where it stands whether it be sports, friends birthday parties, or educational activities

 

[imoh]

@darrenclay That's fine let him be a shitty parent, but don't let your kids down by forcing his hand is what I'm saying.

 

[darrenclay]

@imoh I just feel guilty because yes naturally kids are going to be sad when they know practice is Tuesday/Thursday and dad isn’t taking them… I never want to be a shitty co-parent even if I don’t like the guy I simply want to provide joy to the kids and that’s really all I want I just feel awful

 

[ozpants]

@darrenclay No, you’re definitely not being petty. If all he has to do is bring them to practice, then I just do not see why he would not. And you don’t sound controlling either, you sound like it’s all about the kids and just having them in activities they enjoy.

 

[classicnostalgia]

@ozpants I definitely don’t think OP is being petty, but it’s just asking for conflict when you sign your kids up for things that fall on the other parent’s time, unless they agree to it beforehand. I read somewhere else on here to perhaps modify the parenting schedule so these activities don’t fall on the other parent’s time, I think that’s the best solution. OP’s kids get to do their sports, and OP’s ex doesn’t have to take them.

 

[jordanw123]

@ozpants “All he has to do is bring them to practice” is a big lift is he works long hours, has a tough commute, wants to do other things with his time, doesn’t agree that sports are the the option for building character, and on and on. We don’t get to decide what someone else’s burden is. “Just” taking them to practice could be a big lift. You have no idea what another person’s obligations are.

 

[joyfuljourney]

@jordanw123 Fuck that lazy excuse. Do what’s best for the kids. Ling hours my ass.

 

[jordanw123]

@joyfuljourney And what if he doesn’t agree that 3/4 practices a week plus all day games and tournaments is what’s best for the kids? I sure as hell don’t think it’s best for my kid.

 

[joyfuljourney]

@jordanw123 Oh no what if he doesn’t do what I want immediately without conflict. What if I had to try to convince someone I disagree with

 

[jordanw123]

@joyfuljourney I’m guessing if you, personally, had to try and convince someone it wouldn’t go well. Commenting “you suck” isn’t the convincing argument you think it is

Also — and I know this is tough — what’s easy for you may not be in the cards for someone. “Lazy”could be working long hours or fighting depression or dealing with a sick relative. You have zero idea what’s going on in other peoples lives and don’t to decide whether they’re lazy or not.

Plus I don’t give two shits whether my ex thinks I’m lazy or not. I’m going to do what I think is best for my child on our time together.

 

[joyfuljourney]

@jordanw123 OP is talking about a five year old by the way. The scenario you’re describing doesn’t exist until way later

 

[jordanw123]

@joyfuljourney OP is talking about dictating her X’s time with their kids. One parent doesn’t get to decide how the other parent spends their time with the kids. If they can work something out — like the boys play baseball — that’s great. Otherwise, no. If it doesn’t work for dad it doesn’t work. She doesn’t get to schedule stuff on his time just because she thinks it’s best. If he was pushing for some other activity and scheduling a bunch of things on her time how’d she feel about it?